and I don't know why I feel sad and empty. It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake.
I think part of my problems is.... feeling so useless.
My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too. When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa. Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys. I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads. I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways. I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both. Most of all, I miss being needed. I miss being missed.
My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed. He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books.... and I whine and say I'm too tired. I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move. I am always forgetting everything. Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting. Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget.
I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better. I've been having a lot of pain lately. I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so. I always try though. Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it. So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes. I just have to break it up. I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day. That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though. I'm glad I asked for it.
It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st. I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get. I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size. My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything. I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that. I also have some size 16 jeans. The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too. I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now. I don't want to wear black and gray. I want to wear colors and flowers!
Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!
DJ
