Is there such a thing as happy pain?

Yes!

I am laying down right now with ice on both feet and shoulders.  Trying to rest.

I've been in so much pain for so long now.  The pain keeps me from being able to do anything.  I can't lose weight because it hurts so bad to exercise.  Over the years it's only gotten worse.  Then in early January this year I found a new doctor.  I just felt that he was going to be able to help me some how. I think maybe because he seemed like he wanted to.  He seemed to care.  Maybe he is a younger doctor who isn't burnt out yet.  My last doctor knew I had fibromyalgia so she just said every problem I had was that and she didn't try to figure it out or if it could be something else that is treatable.  I had horrible pain in my left shoulder that was also starting to affect the left side of my neck.  It was so bad I didn't want to move.  Exercise made it worse.  The new doctor examined my shoulder and referred me to a doctor that does myofascial release therapy.

I went to the first appointment feeling a little apprehensive.  They told me it really hurts but that it would probably help in the long run.  It did really hurt.  I almost passed out the first time.  I had some bruising on my shoulder where they worked and was told to ice it and drink a lot of water.  It took longer than I expected to heal but when it did my shoulder was so much better - amazingly better. They worked on my neck pain and it was gone before I left the office.  They said that was a triggerband and I also had many triggerpoints.  The triggerpoints are herniated fascia so there is an opening and some tissue is pushing through and getting strangulated.  That is what is causing the pain.  The triggerbands, from what I understand, are a twisted muscle.  I went back today and they worked on more areas.  The doctor had a student with her and I really liked him.  He was answering my questions.  Some doctors don't want to answer my questions or give really vague answers meant to appease someone who they think can't understand.  I like to look things up on the internet afterwards and learn more about what they are doing so I want some real answers.

This time I told them about the pain in my feet.  I have been having pain in my feet for so long.  It hurts to walk or stand for very long.  I want to get out when I can and exercise so I can lose weight. During the summer I want to walk but last summer it just hurt too much.  Every step I took was painful.  I noticed the pain got worse with each consecutive day that I walked until I just couldn't do it anymore.  None of the doctor's I'd seen knew what was wrong.  The Rheumatologist x-rayed my feet and hands but didn't see anything.  Other doctors said it was probably planter fasciitis and that exercise and stretches would help it.  I already knew exercise did not help it and the stretches did nothing.  Plus, I looked it up on the internet and the pain from that is usually on the bottom of the feet or the back of the heal.  My pain is on the top and outer sides of my feet.  These new doctors worked over my feet and they knew exactly what I was talking about.  I could tell before I left that they had already helped.  Now I just have to wait for the soreness to go away to see how much it really helped. I am very optimistic.

I am laying here looking at the sunshine streaming through my window and thinking about summer. It is spring and the snow is melting.  I can't wait to see green grass and flowers in my yard.

This year is the first time in many years that I've been excited about summer.

-D

Yo no hablo español.

But I'm going to learn!

I've been interested in the Spanish language since I was really young.  I remember learning some words like "agua" and how to count to 10 in Spanish on Sesame Street and wishing they would teach more Spanish on each show.  I've always looked at the Spanish words on store products and tried to learn which word meant what by comparing them to the English words.  I've been learning some Spanish words using free apps and the internet but now I'm going to take a free class from MIT.  It is an older class that they have made available for free for home study.  There are several classes available. Here is a link for anyone interested.  I went to a private school that used a self-study based curriculum so I'm used to learning from books.  My husband actually found out about the free classes they offered and shared it with me thinking I would like to take some history classes.  I didn't learn a lot of things in school that kids in public schools learn. Just from reading books I've learned things that I found really interesting and when I tell my husband or my boys about them they are not surprised because they learned that in school.  Mostly it is history and geography that I missed.  I also want to learn more about politics but I know that was a subject that I was reluctant to learn when I was in school so I can't be sure just how much they did teach (when I wasn't ready to learn) and how much I really missed out on learning.  I will definitely take advantage of this opportunity and take as many classes as I can.

I found the text books online on Amazon.com and I can't wait to get them.  I bought a used copy to save money.  These textbooks are from 2002 but they are still expensive to me.  The textbook for the class I'm taking comes with a CD when it is new. Most people must have lost their CD since the used copies all seem to be missing them.  I did find out that the audio and video files are available online for free and also I could get them at my local library.  My library just doesn't have the book for some reason. There is also a study guide that is needed which has the assignments in it and a Spanish/English dictionary. I found a Spanish/English dictionary website that I'll be using.  So it is only going to end up costing me around $62 total counting shipping.  That's not bad.

The apps I've found most useful are duolingo and Mimrise.  These also have websites so you don't have to have a smartphone to use them.

I can't wait to get my books!

-D

Dear Life,

This is me, trying to get back to you.

I've been so out of it for so long and I'd like to feel normal again, or even just a little bit.  The long Alaskan winter has been hard for me but the sun has been shining more and more.  I've been opening the curtains and watching my plants green up and reach for the sun.

I didn't start any seeds this year.  I was just too tired and fighting some crud that kept coming back. I'll probably buy my plants this year.  I'll take it easy though and not take on too much so I can hopefully keep up with the watering better.

The last few weeks I've been so so tired.  I just have no energy at all.  I've been taking vitamins, especially vitamin D and trying to eat healthy even when I'm too tired to make something.  I need to get back to exercising again.  I stopped when I was sick.  I think I'm going to start doing 10 minutes each day on the stationary bike and then slowly increase so I don't over do it.  I know 10 minutes seems like nothing but it is a mountain when you feel like I do.

I haven't even been reading lately.  I want to but I just can't get into anything.  I even have some new books I got from Paperbackswap.com.  I love that site!  Jared also gave me a book he wants me to read.  He remembered a fantasy book I read that I liked and he is sure I'll like this one too.  It is Inkheart.  So I really should read that one first since he really wants to know what I think of it.

My mother in law sent me an adult coloring book for my birthday and I just started using it.  I got some crayola colored pencils and markers because I didn't want to use up my Prismacolor pencils in coloring books and then have nothing to draw with.  The crayola pencils are nice too.  I found that I enjoy coloring more than I expected and it is making me want to play with different colors.  I am so thinking of drawing some more.  I haven't done any real art is so long.

Oh and I'm crocheting a pretty baby dress for someone cute and it is taking me forever.  I'm close to done though and then I want to make some baby shoes to go with it and add something to make the dress just a little unique.

Okay, time to get up and move around.

D.