This is a picture of her last attempted walk. She didn't really walk much though. She seemed lost and just stood there and stared out into space. I let her over to the park where the spruce trees are. She always loved sniffing and following the trails of the squirrels but she must have forgotten about them.
She squatted to pee and there was blood in it because of the cancer. It always bled when she had an infection and she got a lot of them. This time though, the antibiotics didn't help her to feel better and didn't stop the bleeding. I also had medicine to help shrink the tumor and keep down the inflammation but it wasn't helping anymore. Going back to the house she couldn't remember how to go up the steps to get to the door. She just stood there looking at the door and cried. I had to carry her up.
I knew the time was coming faster than I wanted it to.
She started to cry one night after that and I gave her extra medicine and it only helped a little. She was still very uncomfortable and I knew she was suffering. My husband called his brother and he came to visit with Blue. Then, he drove my husband and my youngest son to the vet to let her go. I stayed home and just cried. I was so so hard watching them drive away. I wanted so bad to make them stop and take her back but I knew that wasn't the best thing for her. That is what I selfishly wanted - I wanted to keep my friend forever. So I let her go.
For several days after that I dreamed about her and then when I woke up I would think I needed to get up and take care of her. Then as I remembered I would just lay there and cry. My husband would put his arm around me. He is a really good man. He bought me a new beagle puppy and even though he can't replace my Blue girl he does bring up my spirits. He makes me smile when it was impossible before.
This is Buddy. That is the name he came with and it just seemed to suit him so we kept it. He is so sweet and he loves the toy fox we got him with squeakers in both ends. When he gets tired he will grab his fox and jump up on the couch beside me to go to sleep like in the picture. Most of the pictures I have are of him sleeping because otherwise they come out blurry since he is always in motion.
I am working on house-training him and teaching him not to bite us or our clothes. We just took him for his first vet visit and our vet told us a lot of helpful information. I'm also reading a lot online. So far he is pretty good at sitting and sorta understands "lay down" but usually needs prompting at first.
Below is a picture of Buddy with the bone I crocheted for him. (You can find the pattern I used here.)
Okay, I'll post more later but for now I really should be sleeping while the baby is sleeping.
p.s. comments let me know people actually read what I write. I'd love a few of those <3