Thursday, September 29, 2016

Beautiful pain

How can something so beautiful cause so much pain?

I look outside and I see the most beautiful fall colored carpet surrounding the trees. It is almost as if the trees are dancers dressed for a autumnal ball in golden, russet, amber and scarlet gowns flowing in gleaming satin circles around them. The men, standing straight and tall in their evergreen suits and matching pocket squares, guiding them around the room in elegant patterns. Then, as if the scene wasn't glorious enough, large flakes of snow catch the light as it ever-so-slowly drifts to the ground like feathers from angel's wings.  Can you see it too?

I woke up in the most pain I've had in a long time. After the snow melted it started to rain and that is when my pain shot through the roof. The doctor's would ask me what number I'd give it on a scale of 1-10. The numbers all start to blur together at some point and I can't even think straight to think about it. I do know though, that it is the most beautiful pain. Who knew, changing weather could do that?

I've been trying to do things this week but I can't. I can't think. I can't read. I can't do any of the things I like to do. It is so strange for me to go a whole week without cracking open a book or 3. I also have a knitting project I'm anxious to work on but it is a challenging one and I'm so afraid to mess it up. I started to watch this week's episodes of The Voice on Hulu but I couldn't focus on it. I keep spacing out so I decided to watch it later. Now I'm watching some old episodes of Bones, which I love.

The days of this week have all gotten muddled together and I have spent a lot of time sleeping or snuggled deep in a pile of blankets. Music helps. Sometimes I like slow, sad music and other times I need angry, rock music.

I'm just glad that this will pass and the pain will decrease to more tolerable levels again. Then, I'll be back to "I CAN" and I will.

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