Long time no post

It has been a long time since I have felt like posting but I am trying to pull myself out of the funk I've been in.  It is so hard to stay positive when you feel bad all-the-time.  Right now I'm fighting the black plague that swept through my house.  Only my youngest son Riley didn't get sick.  He just got the sniffles while the rest of us has been on our death beds.  Jared, my oldest son, is super healthy and very rarely gets sick.  Whenever he does get sick he just goes to sleep early and wakes up feeling better.  This time he got sick though and had to miss a few days of work.  I think it is the only time he has ever called in sick.  I have been sick for 2 weeks and my husband for 3, at least as far as I can remember.  My husband and I went to the doctor together and they actually saw us at the same time and we got matching prescriptions for the most part.  We both have bronchitis really bad with spasms of coughing so bad we couldn't breath.  My abdominal muscles are really sore from coughing.  My husband had 2 nasty ear infections though and I only had sinus infections.  They gave me a few days of steroids to help the inflammation in my throat because it was so painful.  I was very grateful.  I can tell the medication is working and I am sllllowwwly feeling more human.

My husband is lucky he is a manager where he works because he missed a lot of work.  He had the days to take off but of course that takes away from vacation time.  I just think about the jobs I've had and wonder what would have happened if I'd still been working there.  I used to be a CNA and was only allowed to have 4 instances of sickness in a year.  Most of the time I went to work sick because I had to stay home with my kids when they were sick.  If I were sick more than 3 days I would have to get a doctor's note for them.  I can't remember now but if I missed much more than that I'd have to go on medical leave.  At the hospital, nurses and CNAs are in short supply so they have to be strict on sick leave.  You would think they wouldn't want sick people around the patients that are already being treated for something.  Where my husband works, in IT, if someone gets sick they don't want you to come in and get everyone sick.  When my husband tried to go back to work they ended up telling him to go home.  It is just frustrating thinking of the young parents trying to take care of their kids and not get in trouble for being sick when other people have it so much easier.

Anyway, I am working on finishing up a little cross stitch kit I bought on ebay.  I got them to work on when I was sick because they were very simple.  I also think they are really cute and I am going to get the supplies to make up a bunch for gifts.  I'll take pictures later.  Right now I'm going to go get showered up and dressed.  I have been looking like death for so long I want to make myself look normal for once.  I know that will make me feel better.

Donna

It's Christmas morning...

and I don't know why I feel sad and empty.  It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake. 

I think part of my problems is....  feeling so useless. 

My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too.  When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa.  Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys.  I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads.  I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways.  I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both.  Most of all, I miss being needed.  I miss being missed. 

My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed.  He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books....  and I whine and say I'm too tired.  I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move.  I am always forgetting everything.  Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting.  Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget. 

I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better.  I've been having a lot of pain lately.  I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so.  I always try though.  Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it.  So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes.  I just have to break it up.  I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day.  That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though.  I'm glad I asked for it. 

It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st.  I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get.  I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size.  My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything.  I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that.  I also have some size 16 jeans.  The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too.  I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now.  I don't want to wear black and gray.  I want to wear colors and flowers! 

Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

DJ

A happy November

In October my sister told me about the Keto diet.  She and her husband had been doing it and they had both lost a lot of weight.  I was feeling really bad right then so I told her I'd look into it but I was very skeptical.  Then I heard my brother was doing it to and had lost 70 lbs!  My sister said it was supposed to help reduce inflammation and thought it might be able to help me.  I'm always so skeptical about these things.  People are mostly out to make money and profit off of people who are suffering.  After I talked to my sister I kept hearing more about it and did some googling.  I finally found a site that outlined what you can and can't eat.  While you can't eat bread, sugar, fruits etc you can have fatty stuff like meat and bacon.  I like veggies so that's not a problem.  Once I realized I could eat food I liked I decided to give it a try.  I started on November 1st.  Now it is the last day of November and I have lost 12 lbs!  I've lost 1.2 % body fat and my lean muscle mass has increased by 16.3%.  I've lost 4.5 inches off my waist. I even lost 1.25 inches from my neck!  I still have a long way to go so I really hope I have the will power.  Thanksgiving and my birthday sure were hard.  

For Thanksgiving I had planned out some yummy stuff for me to eat but it was still hard seeing the pies and corn on the cob etc.  I love corn!  Then my husband went to a poker party and we ended up with one of those assortments of cheese cake in our fridge.  OMG!  I was so so close to just wolfing one of those down.  I even had it in my hand but then I looked at the label and knew how bad it would set me back.  I put it away and put something in front of it to block it.  I've been bribing my kids to eat it.

Earlier in the month, I decided I wanted a new hair do to go with my new me.  My gray was starting to show at the roots and my cut had grown out.  My bangs were past my ear.  I saw a music video and liked the highlights the woman had.  I looked through lots of pictures before I finally decided on what I wanted.  It wasn't really like any of the pictures so I ended up explaining it to my stylist, who is amazing, and she did a perfect job.  I'm allergic to PPD (p-phenylenediamine) so I have to be careful with hair color.  I had her just clean up my ends a little and kept my hair long with no bangs.  It feels really good to have a new hairstyle.  The color looks darker in this picture but there is gold and a warmer brown blended in with my normal color.  The gold doesn't show up in that picture for some reason.  

My birthday was Tuesday the 27th.  My husband bought ordered me a treadmill so I could walk during the winter when it's too cold and slick.  It arrived on the 28th so I've only had it a few days.  It's a nice one that folds up easily and lowers itself when you push this bar with your foot.  That's great because I hate having to rely on other people to do things for me.  Right now it is in my kitchen so we still have to find a better spot for it.  I think I'm going to move it over by out front window so I can look out the window while I walk.  

Anyway, I've had a good month.  I've still had some flare ups when it snows or the atmospheric pressure drops but for the most part I'm feeling better.  I didn't have a single IBS flare up this month which is crazy since they told me it was caused by eating fat.  I was avoiding fats and oils for a long time but still getting really sick about once a week.  I didn't even think about that when I started the Keto diet where you decrease your carbs and increase the FAT!  Sometimes my colon would start spasming on the right side and it was like watching a baby move in a pregnant woman's belly.  That also didn't happen this month.  One person thinks it could be that I'm not eating wheat anymore but I can't really be sure.  Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm doing better.  

DJ

Feeling a little better

I have been dealing with some depression lately.  I felt like I'd fallen into a dark hole.  I know many people don't really understand depression and usually assume the person who is depressed feels sad.  It isn't always like that.  For me at least, it is more like a "suppression" of emotions.  I feel switched off.  I didn't feel sad, I felt nothing.  I didn't feel like doing any of the things I usually enjoy.  I deal with a lot of chronic pain and I use crafting and reading to get through the difficult times but for a while now I haven't felt like reading.  That is very unusual for me.  I usually read at least 4 books a month and never go anywhere without a book in my purse.  In both August and September I only read one book and it was a challenge to get through that one book in the month.  This month it is already the 12th and I've only read one chapter of a book.  I have been enjoying my newest hobby, cross stitching, but when I finished my last project I didn't feel like starting anything new.  The only thing I felt like doing was watching TV and that is unusual for me.  I've never been a big TV watcher since I prefer reading. 

Well, I have been trying desperately to find a way to get out of this funk.  I thought about making a doctor appointment but I wanted to try a few things first.  I started taking Vitamin D3 and that may have helped a little bit.  Another thing I like to do when I feel this way is make something to donate.  If I can crochet or knit something that can help someone else, that gives me something to focus on and also helps me to feel better.  Helping others always helps me to feel better.  I have a blanket I was working on in the spring to donate to a retirement home and I could pick that back up but I wasn't feeling it.  Then I saw some videos on youtube by Caroline of  Off the Grid Needlearts.  She decided to teach a friend to knit and put together some instructional videos.  One of the patterns she used was for a hat.  I knit the hat and found that I really enjoyed it.  I decided to make a bunch of these warm hats to donate to the ER for those people who come in without proper winter gear.  Here in Alaska we get very cold weather in the winter and there are a lot of homeless people who get frostbite.  Often they don't even have socks, let alone warm winter gear.  I am making them these hats with worsted weight Lion Brand Wool-Ease yarn because it is a Wool/Acrylic blend.  That yarn is warmer but doesn't require any special care.  I have two hats completed and have started another one.  I feel like this is doing me a lot of good and hope that I will eventually start feeling like my normal self again. 

My oldest son Jared modeling my 1st hat

My younger son Riley modeling my 2nd hat

My younger son Riley has a larger head and the first hat didn't fit him.  I was able to adjust the pattern to make a larger hat that did fit.  I'll make some of both sizes to donate.  There is also a mitten pattern and I think I'll try those next. 

Happy Anniversary to Us

Tomorrow, Sept 1st, is my 27th anniversary.  My husband and I are going to Denali, Alaska.  I love driving there because the scenery is so beautiful and sometimes we see wild animals along the way.  I love this time of year with all the fall colors starting to show.  It has been colder this year so there are more yellow leaves than usual at this time of year. 

We are going to stay the night there and check out all the little shops and wander around.  One year we took the train there and that was nice but it was also really long and noisy.  I have a lot more fun when we make it a road trip and we can rock out to our own tunes and stop whenever we want to.  That way we don't have to sit at tables with tourists who are freezing in their full length coats and all freaked out that we aren't... or calling a moose an Elk and arguing when you try to set them straight.  My husband has this huge list of music on his phone and we sing along and have a great time.  I love it when we stop to get out and move around and I can check out the flowers and see if I find any cool rocks.  I hope we see a moose this time or maybe some Dall sheep on the mountain sides. 

I really hope I will feel okay and not be too tired.  I have been having a lot of pain in my left arm from the Ulner nerve entrapment and also having a lot of joint pain.  I've been having a hard time sleeping at night and then end up sleeping all day so I'm trying to get to sleep soon.

Kickin' back today

I'm feeling odd today.  It might be caused by the new med I'm having to take but not really sure.  I told my doctor I didn't want to take gabapentin anymore since it made me feel drugged all the time even when I took the lowest dose only at night.  He decided to switch me to Lyrica but my lovely insurance company decided to screw that up.  They have 3 other drugs they insist people try before Lyrica and I've only tried 2 of them.  So I have to try Flexeril for 90 days.  It has only been about 3 days and I already don't like it for the same reason I didn't like the Gabapentin.  It turns me into a zombie.  Today, I am having trouble with my tremor acting up and I don't know why.  I don't consume anything with caffeine so I don't know what is causing it to be worse today.  I wanted to work on my cross stitch but my hands are shaking too much and I also can't write very well.

It is a beautiful day today but I'm just chillin' in my bed watching youtube videos.  I'm trying to catch up on some flosstube videos for a few people I have started to watch.  I always have to start at the beginning so I'm watching videos from 2015.  I really want to paint my toe nails but they are too far away and I just don't have the energy.  Maybe later...

I did venture out to the mailbox successfully and got two books in the mail from paperbackswap.com. I requested a book from this person and since their whole family loves to read and their house is full of books they let everyone pick a second book for free.  I got Fablehaven by Brandon Mull (book #1) and Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith.  I've read Fablehaven before and I loved it but it was a borrowed book and I want to read it again.  I did read another book or two in the series but I really can't remember now which ones I've read.  I'll just start over.  For The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency I have only read the first book.  I already had the 2nd book and I think the one I got is the third in the series.  The title of that book is interesting.  I guess there is no Morality for plain or ugly girls.

I am usually reading all the time but I haven't read anything for a week now.  I did start a book yesterday but thanks to my new drug I fell asleep and forgot what I read.  I'll just start over.  This book is a light read so I'm hoping I'll be able to keep tracking.  Usually I finished them the same day I start them or soon after.  My drug brain may take longer.

Feeling wonky

I don't know what is going on with me but I have been so tired lately.  I have slept for the majority of the last two days and slept at night also.  I haven't been feeling like doing anything.  I am not stitching anything or reading even!  It is very rare that I don't have a book going.  I has been very hot lately and we are not used to this kind of heat here in Alaska.  We don't have AC because we usually don't need it.  I only have one ceiling fan in the living room.  We usually just open the windows when it is hot and maybe pull out a fan or two.  Now we are having temps in the 90's and with no air moving outside so opening the windows doesn't help.  At least we don't have high humidity.  I am not sure if it is the heat making me not feel like eating or if I am getting sick or something because I have lost 4 lbs in the last few days (since it has been hot.)  I have been drinking a lot of water so I am very hydrated.  I really hope I start feeling more myself soon or I'm going to see my doctor and see what they think.