Argh, enough already!

I'm so tired of this virus already.  Even though I often stay home for weeks at a time I always knew I could go out if I wanted.  Sometimes I would go to a bookstore, thrift stores, or craft store just to get out of the house for a while and now they are all closed.  I guess I can order online from Michael's or Joann's and do the curbside pickup for things they have in stock locally.  It is just not the same.  I love to wander those aisles and find things I didn't know I wanted. 

Alaska is now up to 133 cases of the virus with 3 deaths.  35 of those cases are here in Fairbanks where I live.  I've stayed inside and away from anyone outside of my family for the past 2.5 weeks since I am high risk.  This morning though, my younger son came home from work early because he was sick.  He works as a cashier at a grocery store.  He probably doesn't have the coronavirus but we had to be sure so we had him call the hotline.  They decided he should get tested ASAP so my husband took him through the drive through testing center.  Now we all (4 of us) have to stay home and no one can go to work until the test comes back negative.  I really hope he doesn't have it.  He could just have a cold.  He said he has a lot of head/sinus congestion and wasn't really coughing much but now that it is later I am hearing him coughing more and more.  My house smells like lysol and bleach and I'm afraid to leave my little corner of the house.  My son has orders to stay in his room and call if he needs anything.  We will bring him food and leave it by the door like a prisoner.  Poor guy.

I'm trying to keep myself busy with knitting and reading.  My knitting has an issue now so it is in timeout.  Now I'm reading Mary Higgins Clark's debut suspense novel, Where are the Children?  I figured that was fitting since she passed away on January 31st this year.  I'm about half way and so far it is pretty good.  I'll probably finish it tomorrow sometime. 

I guess she actually wrote one book before this one but it didn't sell well and she decided to switch to suspense.  Aspire to the Heavens was actually her first novel which was a fictionalize account of the life of George Washington.  It was later released under the title Mount Vernon Love Story.  I'm not into love stories so I'll stick with this one for now. 

I hope everyone is staying home and avoiding the coronavirus as much as possible.  This is one time where we can be a bad host.  We can not wear a bra because no one is coming to the door or stay in pajamas as long as we want.  I say that's a blessing to count for sure.
Be safe!
~D

Ignoring the News

I've been keeping myself busy indoors while trying not to jump to check the news constantly.  My husband works at the hospital so he will make sure I know the important stuff.  I just too stressed out about this stuff so I have to tune out for a while. 

I have a new picture of one of the doilies I made before.  Last time it was still on the blocking board so I thought I share a picture of it without all the hundreds of pins stuck in it.  My camera adds yellow to the picture so it looks a little different.  My kitchen counter is a light sage green and not chicken poop yellow.  The blue thread I used is a little bit darker than it looks there. 

Deckchen in Altrosa by R. Dobringer

Here is one I finished earlier but forgot to share.  This is a pattern in a book by Better Homes & Gardens called White Crochet.  

Diagonal Furrows Mat

I've made a bunch of washcloths this last week and I enjoy having something I don't have to think too much about to work on.  I just had this one pattern I've been dying to try though and it is a bit more complicated.  I needed 2 solid colors that contrast well to make it and all I had was variegated yarn or colors that are too similar so the last time I was at the craft store I picked up some yarn to make it.  It is a free pattern called Checker-Square Garter Dishcloth by Kayla Pins.  I did end up making it smaller since I don't like huge cloths.  I only cast on 39 and I worked 2.5 repeats stopping after R15 and knitting 2 rows of white and then binding off.  I like how it turned out and loved making it.  It is not difficult but just takes a little more attention.

I've also made a few crochet bookmarks with thread since I'm trying to use up some smaller bits of

thread that I have left over.  The first one I made hoping to use up the left over blue from that large doily I made but I still have 5 grams left, maybe enough for one more.  This is called Fan Bookmark by Crochetroo and if you follow the link to the pattern take note that the pattern at the top of the page uses UK Crochet terms.  She has it written with US Terms at the bottom of the page.  This is a lot easier than it looks so don't be intimidated.  I did make a few changes since I like to use size 10 cotton thread.  I added an extra chain to all the chain loops to make a little more room  I also made my tassel twice as long so it is 4 inches long finished instead of 2.  I like it and think I'll keep it for myself.  I do plan to make some more for gifts.  This is a great time for reading and I think a little surprise in the mail might bring a smile.

I hope everyone is staying safe. 

~Donna

Update

Right after my last post we had our first confirmed case of Covid 19 in Alaska.  I almost updated my last post but decided to wait and post a new one.  Now we have 3 confirmed cases here in Fairbanks, 1 in Anchorage, and 1 in Ketchican (5 total in Alaska).  I have cancelled my appointment to see my Rheumatologist in Anchorage and I'm going to just stay in my house.  They are closing places anyway so there isn't really anywhere to go.

Yesterday I went to the imaging center connected to the hospital to get my blood work done.  My husband thought it would be safer for me to go there since they are screening anyone who comes in.  No one is allowed to go in without an appointment or order for the lab and I'm not sure what they do if someone is sick but I was assured no one sick was there.  Some of the staff were wearing masks as a precaution.  I told them I take immuno-suppressant drugs and they got me in there after screening me and people were kept spaced out.  I felt so relieved seeing all the precautions they were taking.  By going there I was able to use the direct door to that area instead of walking through the hospital and there was hand sanitizer and wipes right there when you get in the door.  I am so glad to get that over and done with and hopefully my Rheumatologist will refill any drugs needed without seeing me now that he has the blood work.  

I did sneak into Michaels real quick to grab some yarn for some new projects and now I am not going to leave my house for a while.  My husband and 2 sons (adults) do have to work though so we have a place set up with hand sanitizer and lysol wipes by the door.  My husband works at the hospital in IT and my 2 sons both work at Fred Meyer (large chain grocery store plus other stuff similar to walmart super stores) so I really hope they don't get it and bring it home.  

It is so strange how everything is closing and everyone is so scared.  Our whole world is changing so fast.  We realized our bed was broken last night and we needed to get a new one.  We looked at the websites of a couple local stores and picked one out.  Today I called and talked to someone at Sadlers in Fairbanks.  Ashley was very kind and super helpful and I was able to order a bed and pay over the phone.  Ashley was very knowledgeable about the bed and was able to answer every question I had about it.  I didn't even need to go in but she said they actually do have it on the floor if I wanted to (even though the website doesn't show it as one available or displayed at he Fairbanks store.  In just one week they will deliver it AND put it together for us.  I'm extremely happy about that.  Thank you Sadlers and ASHLEY!  

So now I am going to attempt to relax and work on something and that is not going to be easy to do.  I ordered a new circular knitting needle to make something I have made once before.  I used 4 balls of cotton yarn (4 strands held together) to knit a rug for my bathroom.  I love that rug and how easy it is to wash.  Now I need a new rug for my kitchen and I'm going to make one in sage green to match my kitchen colors.  I used a pattern where they used fabric strips to knit the rug and I did make one but it was huge.  I really didn't like it that much either.  I really love the rug I made with cotton yarn.  

I have also been crocheting doilies.  That is really odd for me since I never like to make things that are just decorative.  Usually, if something isn't practical I lose interest in making it and usually don't finish.  Now though, I really feel like making things with thread.  I have some size 10 cotton thread and I've been using that AND enjoying it a lot even though I have to wear reading glasses all the time to see what I'm doing.  

Imbued Starweave

This is one that I made recently.  This pattern is called Imbued Starweave by Julia Hart.  It would have been bigger but I didn't have the right size thread.  I used size 10 cotton thread so mine is only around 7" across.  When I saw the picture of the pattern I saw thistle blooms so I decided to use 2 colors and I love how it turned out.  

I made another doily for my sister for her birthday this month and looked for one with the pineapple stitch because I know she likes that.  This one is Starfish Pineapple Doily and while the website the pattern was on is gone now the pattern can be found on the wayback machine website (click the linked title).  I couldn't find the right size hook when I made that one so I ended up using a bigger hook (by several sizes) so it would look a lot different with the right hook.

Starfish Pineapple Doily

The latest doily I made was more difficult because I couldn't find a pattern.  I fell in love with the picture but the pattern is in a German magazine and I couldn't figure out how to buy a copy.  I would still love to find a copy (of the whole magazine) so if anyone knows how I could get one, please let me know.  Anyway, I stared at the picture a really long time, with reading glasses.  I tried enlarging it but the quality is poor.  I ended up deciding it was probably all made of triple crochet stitches with a few single crochet here and there and chains.  After a lot of trial and error I ended up with this.  No disrespect to the designer and I would happily buy the pattern if there is some way to do so.  

Okay so now I need to think about my next project and also start a new book.  These are the things that will keep my mind off of the negative news.  I hope everyone can find a way to relax and hopefully enjoy some time at home.  

~Donna J

I'm have to say, I'm scared.

I know everyone is scared right now because of the Corona virus (Covid 19).  I also know some people believe everyone is overreacting and hoarding TP and masks.  Sure, it might seem silly to some but I really am scared.

I have an autoimmune disorder and take a biologic to suppress my immune system.  I take Humira but there are other kinds of drugs that do the same thing.  So my body's defense system has gone haywire and is attacking my own body, mainly my joints and connective tissues.  This causes me to have a lot of pain and fatigue every day, all the time.  Humira has turned down the level of pain to a more tolerable level but I also have to worry about getting infections.  I was told before I started it that I could get sick and end up in the hospital from things a healthy person could fight off on their own.  Since I have been taking Humira I have been sick a lot, even though I don't work and rarely leave my house.  Other people in my family go to work and pick up germs and bring them home and I get it every single time, no matter how hard I try to avoid it.  My two sons both work at a large chain store and my husband works at a hospital in IT.

I get a bad sinus infection nearly every time I get sick and I have to take antibiotics to fight them.  I also have to stop taking Humira so my body can fight it and then the pain starts to come back.  The last time I had a cold and sinus infection I had to take 2 rounds of antibiotics (the second was stronger) and I was off Humira for a full month and in really bad pain.

Okay, so I was due to take my next dose of Humira Sunday and I was scared to take it because of this whole pandemic.  I am supposed to go to an appointment with my Rheumatologist in two weeks which means I have to fly.  It's a short 45 minute flight but I'm worried.  We will stay in a hotel for one night and probably rent a car - lots of germy opportunities there.  So I asked my Rheumatologist if I should just skip taking the Humira.  He said there are no confirmed cases here in Alaska yet and no evidence for how the virus would affect anyone taking Humira so he thinks I should continue taking it but said "ultimately it is up to you."  So basically, he's covering his butt there.

I googled to see what else I could find out.  It seems there are no cases of anyone taking a biologic having the SARS virus so they really have no documented information about how it would affect someone but I think logic rules in this case.  I keep thinking about how sick I was from just a cold.  I got bronchitis and the worst sinus infection I've ever had.  I read online that there is also a risk, if people discontinue the biologic drugs, that the inflammation can damage organs, eyes, and other areas inside the body so they recommend people ask their doctors before stopping their medications. It really is a case by case thing so it depends on what each person's specific problem.

I just wonder, if the doctor was the one with this problem, what would they do?

I just read today that in my state they are closing schools, the university is closed to students, you can't even visit prisoners.  You can't visit the elderly homes and my church is no longer having meetings or sacrament.

Oh, and I am due to get my blood work checked so my doctor can review it at my appointment.  I hate going to the clinic because there are always sick people there coughing and sneezing.  I just want to hide in my closet until this whole thing is over but I would run out of my medications.  I can not get prescriptions renewed until I get blood work checked and go to my appointments.  The only good thing I have learned is that Medicare will cover any costs if I do catch the virus with no out of pocket from me.  I just hope I don't die. 

I am exhausted!

I decided to deep clean my kitchen.  I try to do that at least once a year and usually in January.  This year I was sick the first part of January and then we went on a vacation and I never got it done.  I decided to just buckle down and get it done at the beginning of March.  I'm pulling out everything from cabinets and wiping everything down inside and out.  Then I go through everything and pull out things I know didn't get used that year and tossing out expired food etc.  I have a box of stuff to donate and a huge amount of trash going out. I already cleaned the stove/oven as good as I can but I can't wait until we can get a new one.  Eventually we are getting laminate wood flooring put in too but that will have to wait until after things settle down with the stock market and this virus epidemic.

This year I'm having to re-evaluate everything I have in my kitchen.  Since I have Psoriatic Arthritis I am having problems pulling heavy dishes and bowls out of the cabinets.  I ordered a set of lighter plastic nesting bowls (I got this Kitchenaid 5 bowl set in pistachio) so they match my mixer and other things. I was hoping to get rid of my heavy ceramic mixing bowls.  Remember those Corelle Callaway (ivy) dishes that so many people had in the 90's?  I no longer have the dishes but I have the heavy ceramic mixing bowls, like this.  There are also 2 different sizes of covered casserole dishes.  I love them but I just can't lift them anymore.  I pulled them out to donate or gift and my husband didn't want them to go.  So that extra room I thought I was getting got filled back up.  I had him move them to the top shelf since I can't reach it anyway.  I need the stuff I use to go on the bottom shelf.  Stuff that gets used less often can go on the middle shelf.

Also, since I'm doing the keto diet I'm taking this time to remove some food from my cabinets that I can't have and no one else will eat.  I tend to feel guilty that something will go bad if I don't eat it and ruin my diet so I tossed it.  I moved my 5 pie plates and 4 bread pans to the dungeon cabinets over the refrigerator that no one can reach.  Well, my son Jared can and he's the one that put them up there.  At least I know where they are if I need them and they will be with the other stuff only used during the holidays.

I got a lot done today so I'm ready to go to bed.  My larger joints are aching so I may have overdone it.  I might have to take a rest day tomorrow but that's okay.  I need a few days for the contact paper I ordered to come in.

Has anyone noticed that all the contact paper is ugly or just doesn't match anything now?  I had the hardest time picking some out.  Teal/turquoise seems to be a popular color now and I love that color but it doesn't go with my kitchen decor.  I had the same problem last year and ended up buying some contact paper with lots of fruit on it.  I put it under the sink and then realized I hated it so I didn't put it anywhere else.  I finally found one I liked (hopefully it looks the same in person) on amazon but found it for half that price on ebay with free shipping.  I really hope it looks good when I get it.  If not then at least I'm only out $6.  I have to get something though because my cabinets and drawer bottoms are getting scuffed up.

Anyway, I'm glad I felt good enough to get so much done today.  It will be great when I'm finished.

I hope everyone avoids the plague.

~Donna

Reading goals for this year

I should have posted this here earlier but I've been so tired lately and sleeping or in bed more than I'd like.  It is frustrating when I have plans but can't get out of bed.

Anyway, I have decided to follow The Unread Shelf this year for 2020.  So far I've done well.  I just made a few tweaks of my own.

The first thing she recommended is to count your unread books.  I skipped this because I have so many books and they are all pretty much organized.  99% of my books are unread books because I rarely keep a book after reading it.  Sometimes it might not leave the house but be given to another member of the house.  Their libraries are separate but I try to keep track of them too in case I want to borrow a book: no sense in buying a book another family member already has.  I keep track of them all on goodreads.com and just have made a shelf (which is just a tag) for each person's library.  If I really wanted to I could go onto goodreads and probably get a total but I know there are a few duplicates that I haven't had the time to deal with.  Anyway, since all of my unread books are separate and organized and I can look and see how them all I don't feel I need to know the total.  I already know I have too many and have been working for the past several years to read through them and trying not to buy more.

The next thing was to choose a stack of books to make your priority for the year.  I chose 13 of the oldest books on my TBR list and if I read them all I will just pick more for the same list.  Here is a picture of my stack.

I have read 3 of them so far and all were Barbara Michaels books.

• The Crying Child 
• Sons of the Wolf
• Greygallows 

For the month of February the goal was to read gifted books but I had something else in mind.  I picked 4 books that I needed to read but I didn't have.  The first book was the oldest book on my TBR list but I couldn't find it.  I am totally baffled as to where it could be but I know it is in my house somewhere.  The other 3 books are books that are earlier in a series to other books on my TBR list so I needed to read them before I could read the other books on my list.  I always read series books in order.  I may not be truly OCD but even a Therapist/Counselor I had said I learned that way.

So here is my list of books to choose for February.

1. Body Language by Julius Fast (reading slowly) Finished 2/21
2. Sudden Prey (Lucas Davenport #8) by John Sandford  Finished 2/17
3. The Curse of the Pharaohs (Amelia Peabody #2) by Elizabeth Peters Finished 2/20
4. The Barrakee Mystery (Inspector Napoleon Bonaparte #1) by Arthur W. Upfield Finished 2/22

I am happy that I did manage to read each of those so I could mark them off of my list even though I slept or otherwise felt ill so much of the month of February.  I guess the one thing one can do in bed fairly easily is read.  Of those books Sudden Prey was my favorite.  I do like John Sandford's Prey series.  I was surprised that I didn't have that one on my shelf since I have most of them.  My least favorite was probably Body Language since it was so out of date but I did find a few nuggets that I enjoyed and after all I did finish it so it wasn't the worst thing.  My next least favorite was The Curse of the Pharaohs.  It was definitely not up my alley and I really hope the next book is better or I don't think I could keep going.  The Barrakee Mystery was difficult to read because of the racist language but I know that is how things really were at the time.  It still broke my heart to read.  The story was interesting through and I read it fast but I was irked by some things at the end.  I did write reviews for each of those books on the pages linked.  

I am on goodreads as Donnawannaread so I'm not sure if my reviews show under my name Donna Capps or under Donnawannaread.  

If you select the tap on my blog for books read this year you can see them all as pictures which are all linked to their goodreads pages.

Many thanks go out to Whitney Conard for starting The Unread Shelf.  

2020

Wow, a new year and the end of a decade.  I've been thinking a lot about all the things that happened in the past decade.  My boys grew up and are now men.  My trusty and furry companion that got me through many painful days passed away and my heart still hurts after 3 years.  I got a new puppy and now he's three and while he's very sweet and cute he just isn't the same.  You can't replace the ones you loved and lost. 

I've been thinking a lot about what the new year will bring but I don't make resolutions.  I make some goals but mostly I just wing it.  I plan to do a lot of reading, knitting, crocheting and stitching. 

This last year I made a goal to read 75 books but I didn't quite make it.  I got to 73.  I was reading furiously on the 31st and ended up falling asleep before finishing the book I was reading.  I did my best.  I made my goal the same for this new year and I am determined to make it this time. 

I'm currently reading Summer Knight by Jim Butcher and it is REALLY good. 

As far as my health stuff goes I have a new doctor that made some changes a few months ago.  She change some of my meds and she referred me to physical therapy.  I've been feeling better after the med changes but for a while there I was quite the mess.  Cymbalta was a hard drug to get off of.  The new drug seems to be working well.  The physical therapy is helping but most of the time I really don't want to do.  I am glad I have been going since I have learned how to do some stretches that help certain areas when I'm in pain there.  So things are okay and seemed to have improved some since I got this new doctor.

Okay, ready or not..... here we go.

Lots of Rain and Pain

Currently Reading

I haven't been feeling so hot so for several days I've been unable to do much.  I've been trying to read a book but just keep reading the same lines over and over.  I'm in a reading group on paperbackswap.com where we pick a book that has been on our TBR list the longest and get it read.  I chose At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon.  I really have no idea why it has taken me so long to read it.  I was having such a hard time focusing that I tried listening to the audiobook but I keep spacing out.  When that happens I just have to quit trying and get some rest or I just stare into outer space for a while and gather some wool. 

I did manage to sneak out to get my hair done but I nearly slept through it.  My appointment was at 4:15 pm but I was still sleeping when my husband came home at 4 pm.  He woke me up and I quickly jumped up and got dressed.  I splashed water on my face and did the minimum required things and ran out the door... went back to get my glasses and then was off.  I sat there and zoned out while my hair stylist made me look beautiful.  She has special powers and always makes me feel better by the time I leave her presence. 

I am hoping it will stop raining soon.  Well, it isn't raining all the time and we have been having some beautiful sunshiny days but if it rains in the afternoon or evening my Fibromyalgia and/or Psoriatic Arthritis flares up.  Even if it doesn't rain right where I live but is raining in the distance I will flare up.  My muscles in my left shoulder get real tight and painful and I got this area that feels like a tight, knotted up muscle behind my shoulder blade where I can't reach.  I have to take a muscle relaxer which puts me to sleep for most of the day and that helps but then it rains again and it comes right back.  I just keep listening to Boxcar Willie singing You are my Sunshine and hoping for nothing but sunshine.  That's one of my all time favorite songs. 

~DJ

Smoke and Fire

Alaska is on fire.  I am in Fairbanks so we are okay but there are fires around us and we are getting smoked out.  I was feeling really bad yesterday and couldn't get to sleep because I was so achy.  I couldn't find any way to lay where I could get comfortable.  I had body aches all over.  I finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6 pm the next day.  Wow, that's so late.  I slept all day.  I feel like I've been run over by something.  It turns out that it has been raining and that is what triggered a Fibromyalgia flare up.  You know, I'm okay with that.  Alaska needs the rain right now.  I really hope it helps the firefighters get further in their efforts.  Hopefully there wasn't lightening to cause more fires.  Everything is so dry and we haven't been getting enough rain thoroughly wet everything. 

I'm not sure what I can do today.  I can't even think clearly and certainly can't concentrate to read.  I've been knitting though and the baby blanket I'm knitting isn't a complicated pattern so maybe I can continue working on that.  I hope so.  Here is a dark picture of the blanket I'm knitting.  It's more blue than it looks and that was about half way finished.  Now I'm working on another row of whales.  The pattern is called "Arthur" and it easy to work.  I'm also going to make a stuffed whale toy to go with it. 

This next week I am supposed to go to Anchorage for a doctor appointment.  My husband planned to drive us.  I am worried about whether the way will be clear or not.  I heard yesterday that Anderson was given evacuation ready status 2 and a nearby neighborhood is being evacuated because of a growing fire.  That is along the parks highway which is the way to Anchorage.  I know there will be smoke but I hope it isn't too much for me to breath or for us to see. 

I wonder how the animals fair that are in the smoke.  I'm not talking about the fire but just the thick smoke that is hard to breath.  I know I haven't seen any moose this year.  I've had to stay indoors several days with the house all shut up and an air purifier running.  My doctor gave me an inhaler to help and if I step outside I have to use it.  I found a dead rabbit in my yard and it doesn't appear to have anything wrong with it.  They are actually domestic rabbits that someone set loose some years ago.  They have been spreading and seem to do okay in the winter.  I enjoy seeing them in my yard since I'm allergic to them and can't actually have one as a pet.  I did have rabbits when I was a kid so I really miss that.  Here is what they look like.  I had one that was really friendly and kept coming up to my front step looking for food.  I was putting out carrots for him.  I named him Charlie but then several others of different sizes started coming and I lost track of which one was Charlie.  Now I call them all Charlie.  Some I call Big Charlie, one is fat Charlie, and one little guy born this year is little Charlie.  It was so sad to see the one that died and it could have been the one in the picture.  It was that size. 

I wonder if someone put out poison.  I know some people in the neighborhood don't like them and try to run them off or kill them. A few were caught and taken to the pound.  I wanted to try that but I'm too allergic to them.  I hope those did okay and they were able to tame them.  I am pretty sure some people shoot them.  I don't know how you could poison a rabbit but that really worries me because then a dog could get it and get poisoned too.  At least I know my dog won't get one.  I keep my dog with me and he doesn't run around loose.  Knock on wood, he's never gotten loose yet anyway. 

I guess the rabbit could have had some sort of disease and in that case I sure hope he didn't share it with the others.  I would miss seeing them.  I love seeing them laying around outside.  The stretch out real long on the asphalt, sometimes right in the middle of the road. I haven't seen any hit my cars though because they are quick to move when cars come. 

Take care everyone and be safe if you are in the path of the storm (Louisiana).  Prayers for you. 

Donna

Thrift store finds and Fibromyalgia attacks

Last Saturday I was feeling pretty good and wanted to go do something.  We picked up my mother in law and went out to eat.  It was so hot I didn't feel like eating much.  We went by the used book store briefly but I didn't see anything I needed in the books.  I just like going just in case they happen to have something I'm looking for or some kind of cool surprise I didn't expect.  I just bought this one cross stitch pattern I found.  We went by Value Village and I am very happy with my find there.  I found over 60 cross stitch magazines and got them all.  Only one of them was a duplicate with what I already had.  Not too bad.  I also found an unopened package of perforated paper and a cross stitch kit that I've been wanting for a long time.  I thought I bought that kit once but later discovered it was actually a needlepoint kit that is very similar.  I bought that before I knew anything about cross stitch.  Since then I've been thinking about buying but I have been waiting for a sale.  I was very happy to find the kit for $13 and even more happy that it was unopened.  I also found a large skein of vintage macrame cord in a warm brown color in new condition.  I'm not sure if I'll use it to try out some macrame design or if I'll just make another crocheted rug like the rug on my front porch.  I used a round doily pattern and I love it.  I get a lot of comments on that rug too.  

After the thrift store my mother in law was tired so we took her home.  I started sorting the magazines and putting them in order.  Around 6 pm I suddenly felt like all my steam was gone.  It was like a curtain fell and I didn't have the energy to put anything away.  I just had to lie down.  I slept hard and didn't wake up till 10 am the next morning.  That is Fibro for you.  You never know when you are going to run out of energy.  Sometimes when I have a flare up I end up in a lot of pain from head to toe so I don't mind just crashing out instead.  

I was eager to start that cross stitch and I've been working on it for a few days now.  It's a design called Butterfly Profusion by Dimensions.  I'm loving it so far.  

I've also been reading again, which is nice.  I just finished The Chase by Clive Cussler, which I have already read twice at least.  It had been a long time so I wanted to read it again.  I love that book.  Now I'm reading Fire and Fog by Dianne Day and just started The 5th Horeseman by James Patterson.  I think it is ironic that all 3 books just happened to be set (at least in part) in San Francisco.  The Chase and Fire and Fog both involve the San Francisco earthquake.  Ironic I think.  

Donna

On the mend

I am finally starting to feel better.  I still have a stuffy head and I'm still going through tissues but I feel like I'm headed in the right direction.  My husband is also starting to feel better and he's back at work.  He still felt bad during the weekend and I feel so bad for him.  He was really sick on his birthday, the 3rd, and still sick on Father's Day.  I did talk him into going to breakfast with me and it was really good.  He's actually rubbing off on me. 

My husband likes to do things for other people to make their day.  If he wins money at pull tabs he'll give someone a nice tip.  I've always been very frugal and always make sure I tip enough but never a lot extra.  I do like to give an extra tip to the cook if I get a really good steak.  I never know what they get of the tips normally left.  Anyway, I had steak and eggs and the steak was so good it didn't need anything on it.  It was AMAZING!  Then the cook actually came out and asked us both how we liked our food.  This was not expected since it was early and the place was empty.  We've also eaten there a lot and that has never happened.  I can only assume she is new there and she was amazing.  She was one of those happy people that leaves everyone she talks to smiling and laughing.  When she came back through I asked her what her name was and shook her hand, slipping her a $20.  She was very grateful and it was so nice to be able to do that.  I remember times when I couldn't have ordered a steak and had to keep a running total in my head at the grocery store because money was tight.  It is a really good feeling to be able to spread the love a little and Ms. Candy sure deserved it. 

After that we went and bought some flowers for my yard at a local nursery.  I was worried it was getting too late to find any good flowers.  I couldn't get any of my favorite "baby duck" petunias because they'd all been moved to hanging planters.  I don't want hanging planters because I wouldn't be able to water them myself.  My husband did get me a new bleeding heart since I couldn't find mine and I got two new lilies, some Shasta daisies, and a Columbine for my perennial bed.  I got some annuals for the other areas.  Chris was feeling bad so he went to bed but my son Riley helped me get my flowers planted.  I had a great day outside even though I still had my tissues close by.  I love all the flowers.  I have more to do in the yard but I have to do a little at a time.  Riley did trim my trees some so I could actually sit on my bench again.  Three quarters of my bench was in the trees and sticker bushes!  Riley took out so many sticker bushes and tree limbs it was amazing and there is still more to be done.  It looks a lot better though. 

I have also been doing some more small cross stitch kits but I'll post about that on my cross stitch blog.

Donna J.

Long time no post

It has been a long time since I have felt like posting but I am trying to pull myself out of the funk I've been in.  It is so hard to stay positive when you feel bad all-the-time.  Right now I'm fighting the black plague that swept through my house.  Only my youngest son Riley didn't get sick.  He just got the sniffles while the rest of us has been on our death beds.  Jared, my oldest son, is super healthy and very rarely gets sick.  Whenever he does get sick he just goes to sleep early and wakes up feeling better.  This time he got sick though and had to miss a few days of work.  I think it is the only time he has ever called in sick.  I have been sick for 2 weeks and my husband for 3, at least as far as I can remember.  My husband and I went to the doctor together and they actually saw us at the same time and we got matching prescriptions for the most part.  We both have bronchitis really bad with spasms of coughing so bad we couldn't breath.  My abdominal muscles are really sore from coughing.  My husband had 2 nasty ear infections though and I only had sinus infections.  They gave me a few days of steroids to help the inflammation in my throat because it was so painful.  I was very grateful.  I can tell the medication is working and I am sllllowwwly feeling more human.

My husband is lucky he is a manager where he works because he missed a lot of work.  He had the days to take off but of course that takes away from vacation time.  I just think about the jobs I've had and wonder what would have happened if I'd still been working there.  I used to be a CNA and was only allowed to have 4 instances of sickness in a year.  Most of the time I went to work sick because I had to stay home with my kids when they were sick.  If I were sick more than 3 days I would have to get a doctor's note for them.  I can't remember now but if I missed much more than that I'd have to go on medical leave.  At the hospital, nurses and CNAs are in short supply so they have to be strict on sick leave.  You would think they wouldn't want sick people around the patients that are already being treated for something.  Where my husband works, in IT, if someone gets sick they don't want you to come in and get everyone sick.  When my husband tried to go back to work they ended up telling him to go home.  It is just frustrating thinking of the young parents trying to take care of their kids and not get in trouble for being sick when other people have it so much easier.

Anyway, I am working on finishing up a little cross stitch kit I bought on ebay.  I got them to work on when I was sick because they were very simple.  I also think they are really cute and I am going to get the supplies to make up a bunch for gifts.  I'll take pictures later.  Right now I'm going to go get showered up and dressed.  I have been looking like death for so long I want to make myself look normal for once.  I know that will make me feel better.

Donna

It's Christmas morning...

and I don't know why I feel sad and empty.  It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake. 

I think part of my problems is....  feeling so useless. 

My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too.  When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa.  Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys.  I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads.  I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways.  I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both.  Most of all, I miss being needed.  I miss being missed. 

My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed.  He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books....  and I whine and say I'm too tired.  I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move.  I am always forgetting everything.  Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting.  Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget. 

I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better.  I've been having a lot of pain lately.  I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so.  I always try though.  Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it.  So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes.  I just have to break it up.  I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day.  That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though.  I'm glad I asked for it. 

It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st.  I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get.  I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size.  My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything.  I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that.  I also have some size 16 jeans.  The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too.  I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now.  I don't want to wear black and gray.  I want to wear colors and flowers! 

Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

DJ

A happy November

In October my sister told me about the Keto diet.  She and her husband had been doing it and they had both lost a lot of weight.  I was feeling really bad right then so I told her I'd look into it but I was very skeptical.  Then I heard my brother was doing it to and had lost 70 lbs!  My sister said it was supposed to help reduce inflammation and thought it might be able to help me.  I'm always so skeptical about these things.  People are mostly out to make money and profit off of people who are suffering.  After I talked to my sister I kept hearing more about it and did some googling.  I finally found a site that outlined what you can and can't eat.  While you can't eat bread, sugar, fruits etc you can have fatty stuff like meat and bacon.  I like veggies so that's not a problem.  Once I realized I could eat food I liked I decided to give it a try.  I started on November 1st.  Now it is the last day of November and I have lost 12 lbs!  I've lost 1.2 % body fat and my lean muscle mass has increased by 16.3%.  I've lost 4.5 inches off my waist. I even lost 1.25 inches from my neck!  I still have a long way to go so I really hope I have the will power.  Thanksgiving and my birthday sure were hard.  

For Thanksgiving I had planned out some yummy stuff for me to eat but it was still hard seeing the pies and corn on the cob etc.  I love corn!  Then my husband went to a poker party and we ended up with one of those assortments of cheese cake in our fridge.  OMG!  I was so so close to just wolfing one of those down.  I even had it in my hand but then I looked at the label and knew how bad it would set me back.  I put it away and put something in front of it to block it.  I've been bribing my kids to eat it.

Earlier in the month, I decided I wanted a new hair do to go with my new me.  My gray was starting to show at the roots and my cut had grown out.  My bangs were past my ear.  I saw a music video and liked the highlights the woman had.  I looked through lots of pictures before I finally decided on what I wanted.  It wasn't really like any of the pictures so I ended up explaining it to my stylist, who is amazing, and she did a perfect job.  I'm allergic to PPD (p-phenylenediamine) so I have to be careful with hair color.  I had her just clean up my ends a little and kept my hair long with no bangs.  It feels really good to have a new hairstyle.  The color looks darker in this picture but there is gold and a warmer brown blended in with my normal color.  The gold doesn't show up in that picture for some reason.  

My birthday was Tuesday the 27th.  My husband bought ordered me a treadmill so I could walk during the winter when it's too cold and slick.  It arrived on the 28th so I've only had it a few days.  It's a nice one that folds up easily and lowers itself when you push this bar with your foot.  That's great because I hate having to rely on other people to do things for me.  Right now it is in my kitchen so we still have to find a better spot for it.  I think I'm going to move it over by out front window so I can look out the window while I walk.  

Anyway, I've had a good month.  I've still had some flare ups when it snows or the atmospheric pressure drops but for the most part I'm feeling better.  I didn't have a single IBS flare up this month which is crazy since they told me it was caused by eating fat.  I was avoiding fats and oils for a long time but still getting really sick about once a week.  I didn't even think about that when I started the Keto diet where you decrease your carbs and increase the FAT!  Sometimes my colon would start spasming on the right side and it was like watching a baby move in a pregnant woman's belly.  That also didn't happen this month.  One person thinks it could be that I'm not eating wheat anymore but I can't really be sure.  Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm doing better.  

DJ

Feeling a little better

I have been dealing with some depression lately.  I felt like I'd fallen into a dark hole.  I know many people don't really understand depression and usually assume the person who is depressed feels sad.  It isn't always like that.  For me at least, it is more like a "suppression" of emotions.  I feel switched off.  I didn't feel sad, I felt nothing.  I didn't feel like doing any of the things I usually enjoy.  I deal with a lot of chronic pain and I use crafting and reading to get through the difficult times but for a while now I haven't felt like reading.  That is very unusual for me.  I usually read at least 4 books a month and never go anywhere without a book in my purse.  In both August and September I only read one book and it was a challenge to get through that one book in the month.  This month it is already the 12th and I've only read one chapter of a book.  I have been enjoying my newest hobby, cross stitching, but when I finished my last project I didn't feel like starting anything new.  The only thing I felt like doing was watching TV and that is unusual for me.  I've never been a big TV watcher since I prefer reading. 

Well, I have been trying desperately to find a way to get out of this funk.  I thought about making a doctor appointment but I wanted to try a few things first.  I started taking Vitamin D3 and that may have helped a little bit.  Another thing I like to do when I feel this way is make something to donate.  If I can crochet or knit something that can help someone else, that gives me something to focus on and also helps me to feel better.  Helping others always helps me to feel better.  I have a blanket I was working on in the spring to donate to a retirement home and I could pick that back up but I wasn't feeling it.  Then I saw some videos on youtube by Caroline of  Off the Grid Needlearts.  She decided to teach a friend to knit and put together some instructional videos.  One of the patterns she used was for a hat.  I knit the hat and found that I really enjoyed it.  I decided to make a bunch of these warm hats to donate to the ER for those people who come in without proper winter gear.  Here in Alaska we get very cold weather in the winter and there are a lot of homeless people who get frostbite.  Often they don't even have socks, let alone warm winter gear.  I am making them these hats with worsted weight Lion Brand Wool-Ease yarn because it is a Wool/Acrylic blend.  That yarn is warmer but doesn't require any special care.  I have two hats completed and have started another one.  I feel like this is doing me a lot of good and hope that I will eventually start feeling like my normal self again. 

My oldest son Jared modeling my 1st hat

My younger son Riley modeling my 2nd hat

My younger son Riley has a larger head and the first hat didn't fit him.  I was able to adjust the pattern to make a larger hat that did fit.  I'll make some of both sizes to donate.  There is also a mitten pattern and I think I'll try those next. 

Happy Anniversary to Us

Tomorrow, Sept 1st, is my 27th anniversary.  My husband and I are going to Denali, Alaska.  I love driving there because the scenery is so beautiful and sometimes we see wild animals along the way.  I love this time of year with all the fall colors starting to show.  It has been colder this year so there are more yellow leaves than usual at this time of year. 

We are going to stay the night there and check out all the little shops and wander around.  One year we took the train there and that was nice but it was also really long and noisy.  I have a lot more fun when we make it a road trip and we can rock out to our own tunes and stop whenever we want to.  That way we don't have to sit at tables with tourists who are freezing in their full length coats and all freaked out that we aren't... or calling a moose an Elk and arguing when you try to set them straight.  My husband has this huge list of music on his phone and we sing along and have a great time.  I love it when we stop to get out and move around and I can check out the flowers and see if I find any cool rocks.  I hope we see a moose this time or maybe some Dall sheep on the mountain sides. 

I really hope I will feel okay and not be too tired.  I have been having a lot of pain in my left arm from the Ulner nerve entrapment and also having a lot of joint pain.  I've been having a hard time sleeping at night and then end up sleeping all day so I'm trying to get to sleep soon.

Kickin' back today

I'm feeling odd today.  It might be caused by the new med I'm having to take but not really sure.  I told my doctor I didn't want to take gabapentin anymore since it made me feel drugged all the time even when I took the lowest dose only at night.  He decided to switch me to Lyrica but my lovely insurance company decided to screw that up.  They have 3 other drugs they insist people try before Lyrica and I've only tried 2 of them.  So I have to try Flexeril for 90 days.  It has only been about 3 days and I already don't like it for the same reason I didn't like the Gabapentin.  It turns me into a zombie.  Today, I am having trouble with my tremor acting up and I don't know why.  I don't consume anything with caffeine so I don't know what is causing it to be worse today.  I wanted to work on my cross stitch but my hands are shaking too much and I also can't write very well.

It is a beautiful day today but I'm just chillin' in my bed watching youtube videos.  I'm trying to catch up on some flosstube videos for a few people I have started to watch.  I always have to start at the beginning so I'm watching videos from 2015.  I really want to paint my toe nails but they are too far away and I just don't have the energy.  Maybe later...

I did venture out to the mailbox successfully and got two books in the mail from paperbackswap.com. I requested a book from this person and since their whole family loves to read and their house is full of books they let everyone pick a second book for free.  I got Fablehaven by Brandon Mull (book #1) and Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith.  I've read Fablehaven before and I loved it but it was a borrowed book and I want to read it again.  I did read another book or two in the series but I really can't remember now which ones I've read.  I'll just start over.  For The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency I have only read the first book.  I already had the 2nd book and I think the one I got is the third in the series.  The title of that book is interesting.  I guess there is no Morality for plain or ugly girls.

I am usually reading all the time but I haven't read anything for a week now.  I did start a book yesterday but thanks to my new drug I fell asleep and forgot what I read.  I'll just start over.  This book is a light read so I'm hoping I'll be able to keep tracking.  Usually I finished them the same day I start them or soon after.  My drug brain may take longer.

Feeling wonky

I don't know what is going on with me but I have been so tired lately.  I have slept for the majority of the last two days and slept at night also.  I haven't been feeling like doing anything.  I am not stitching anything or reading even!  It is very rare that I don't have a book going.  I has been very hot lately and we are not used to this kind of heat here in Alaska.  We don't have AC because we usually don't need it.  I only have one ceiling fan in the living room.  We usually just open the windows when it is hot and maybe pull out a fan or two.  Now we are having temps in the 90's and with no air moving outside so opening the windows doesn't help.  At least we don't have high humidity.  I am not sure if it is the heat making me not feel like eating or if I am getting sick or something because I have lost 4 lbs in the last few days (since it has been hot.)  I have been drinking a lot of water so I am very hydrated.  I really hope I start feeling more myself soon or I'm going to see my doctor and see what they think.

My newest addiction

I am now hooked on cross stitch and also really interested in learning other types of embroidery.  For now I am just doing cross stitch but I did buy a kit that has some blackwork in it.  I really love the way that looks, especially in color.  I initially started in the last few months of 2015 when I made a few small Christmas kits.  I kept at it through November and then I quit for 2.5 years.  I started again this year in May and I seem to have been bitten by the bug.  I can't think of anything else now. 

Here is my first finished cross stitch that I completed this year.  It is now framed and hanging on my wall. 

I started a new blog for just my cross stitching so I won't keep posting about that here... unless I want to show off something I finished.  I love that frame I used for that cross stitch and I found it at a thrift store.  The mat came in the kit.  The mat looks darker there than it actually is.  It is a teal color.  I didn't want to use that mat since it has a crease in it on the right side but it looked good and my husband said I should use it.  For once, I listened to him.  

Buddy tried to help me a lot when I was working on that.  I worked at the kitchen table and he would jump up and snag something off the table and run off to play with it.  A few times he stole my pattern and took off and a few times he grabbed the actual piece.  When he took the cross stitch he would run somewhere away from me and stand there look at it like he wanted to know what was so interesting to me that I couldn't pay attention to him.  I had to wash it to get the dog slobber off.  

I will put a link to my blog somewhere on the sidebar of this blog.  I have to get up and move around now.  My left arm is causing me trouble.  

Sad

I've been up all night.  I just can't get to sleep.  I have been knitting and listening to music and seem to only find sad songs.... 

I think I need to make an appointment with someone.  I feel depression creeping back in.

Why do I feel so down right now?  At first when I tried to figure it out I couldn't think of a reason but then I remembered...

A friend of mine just lost her spouse to cancer.  I'm really sad for her.  I've been thinking of how I would feel if I lost my husband.  I would be completely lost. 

I've also been having dreams about having a baby and every time something goes wrong and I wake up distressed.  My boys are grown and don't care much about me anymore.  I miss spending time with them.  I miss talking with them and getting more than one word answers.  I miss my babies.  I miss my toddlers.  I miss my little boys and I miss my teenagers.  I miss being needed.  I miss having a purpose.

Also, mother's day is really doing me in.  Every website had a mother's day promotion.  Every email has a mother's day theme.... but not everyone has a mother still on earth.