Long time no post

It has been a long time since I have felt like posting but I am trying to pull myself out of the funk I've been in.  It is so hard to stay positive when you feel bad all-the-time.  Right now I'm fighting the black plague that swept through my house.  Only my youngest son Riley didn't get sick.  He just got the sniffles while the rest of us has been on our death beds.  Jared, my oldest son, is super healthy and very rarely gets sick.  Whenever he does get sick he just goes to sleep early and wakes up feeling better.  This time he got sick though and had to miss a few days of work.  I think it is the only time he has ever called in sick.  I have been sick for 2 weeks and my husband for 3, at least as far as I can remember.  My husband and I went to the doctor together and they actually saw us at the same time and we got matching prescriptions for the most part.  We both have bronchitis really bad with spasms of coughing so bad we couldn't breath.  My abdominal muscles are really sore from coughing.  My husband had 2 nasty ear infections though and I only had sinus infections.  They gave me a few days of steroids to help the inflammation in my throat because it was so painful.  I was very grateful.  I can tell the medication is working and I am sllllowwwly feeling more human.

My husband is lucky he is a manager where he works because he missed a lot of work.  He had the days to take off but of course that takes away from vacation time.  I just think about the jobs I've had and wonder what would have happened if I'd still been working there.  I used to be a CNA and was only allowed to have 4 instances of sickness in a year.  Most of the time I went to work sick because I had to stay home with my kids when they were sick.  If I were sick more than 3 days I would have to get a doctor's note for them.  I can't remember now but if I missed much more than that I'd have to go on medical leave.  At the hospital, nurses and CNAs are in short supply so they have to be strict on sick leave.  You would think they wouldn't want sick people around the patients that are already being treated for something.  Where my husband works, in IT, if someone gets sick they don't want you to come in and get everyone sick.  When my husband tried to go back to work they ended up telling him to go home.  It is just frustrating thinking of the young parents trying to take care of their kids and not get in trouble for being sick when other people have it so much easier.

Anyway, I am working on finishing up a little cross stitch kit I bought on ebay.  I got them to work on when I was sick because they were very simple.  I also think they are really cute and I am going to get the supplies to make up a bunch for gifts.  I'll take pictures later.  Right now I'm going to go get showered up and dressed.  I have been looking like death for so long I want to make myself look normal for once.  I know that will make me feel better.

Donna

Super sick

I haven´t posted in a long time and that is because I´ve been super sick and in really bad pain for most of the summer.  I try not to dwell on it but it really gets difficult.  I went to my Rheumatologist in June and I was in horrible pain then.  He got my lab results about a month before that and they showed my liver enzymes were elevated.  He decreased my dose of Methotrexate and after a month they were almost back to normal.  The problem is my pain was higher than ever.  He decided to start me on Humira injections but it took forever to get that going and be able to start taking it.  I hate needles and my husband has to do it for me.  They did start helping but the very same day I noticed a decrease in my pain I got sick.  My whole family got this horrible stomach Flu. It was one of those bugs that just doesn´t want to go away.  I ended up getting sinusitis and then a really bad sinus infection.  The first round of antibiotics didn´t work and it got even worse.  The doctor was really surprised when he looked.  He started me on a different antibiotic for 2 weeks and it is sloooowwwly improving or more like shrinking.  I think the sinusitis is improving faster.  It is nice to be able to breath through my nose again.

Anyway, because I have an infection I have to completely stop taking my immunosuppressant drugs that help with my pain.  Now I am in so much pain I can hardly walk.  I´ve been spending a lot of time in bed and reading when I can.  I can´t wait until this infection is gone and I can start taking my meds again.  I´m really grateful for a friend who recommended lidocane pain patches.  I don´t do the shopping anymore so I didn´t even know they existed.  One of my husband´s coworkers told him about Tiger Balm and he saw they had patches too.  I can only use one lidocane patch at a time so I currently have a lidocane patch on one hip and a tiger Balm patch on the other.  I actually think the Tiger balm patch side feels better.  Thank goodness my shoulders are not hurting so bad today or I´d be covered in patches.

I just keep thinking of that line kids used to write when they signed my yearbooks - Keep on Keeping on.  That is what I´m doing.

Getting back to blogging

It seems like so much has happened since I posted here.  I was kept pretty busy taking care of my elderly beagle Blue who was going down hill fast.  I loved her so much and had her so long that it was so hard to lose her.  I knew the time was coming but just hoped it wouldn't some how.  She was my shadow, always at my feet.  When I realized the time had come all I could do was go to my husband and cry and cry.  He knew.  He took care of everything for me because he knew I couldn't do THAT.  I still step over shadows in the hall thinking it is her laying there like she used to.  

This is a picture of her last attempted walk.  She didn't really walk much though.  She seemed lost and just stood there and stared out into space.  I let her over to the park where the spruce trees are.  She always loved sniffing and following the trails of the squirrels but she must have forgotten about them. 

She squatted to pee and there was blood in it because of the cancer.  It always bled when she had an infection and she got a lot of them.  This time though, the antibiotics didn't help her to feel better and didn't stop the bleeding.  I also had medicine to help shrink the tumor and keep down the inflammation but it wasn't helping anymore.  Going back to the house she couldn't remember how to go up the steps to get to the door.  She just stood there looking at the door and cried.  I had to carry her up.  

I knew the time was coming faster than I wanted it to.  

She started to cry one night after that and I gave her extra medicine and it only helped a little.  She was still very uncomfortable and I knew she was suffering. My husband called his brother and he came to visit with Blue.  Then, he drove my husband and my youngest son to the vet to let her go.  I stayed home and just cried.  I was so so hard watching them drive away.  I wanted so bad to make them stop and take her back but I knew that wasn't the best thing for her.  That is what I selfishly wanted - I wanted to keep my friend forever.  So I let her go.  

For several days after that I dreamed about her and then when I woke up I would think I needed to get up and take care of her.  Then as I remembered I would just lay there and cry.  My husband would put his arm around me. He is a really good man.  He bought me a new beagle puppy and even though he can't replace my Blue girl he does bring up my spirits.  He makes me smile when it was impossible before.  

This is Buddy.  That is the name he came with and it just seemed to suit him so we kept it.  He is so sweet and he loves the toy fox we got him with squeakers in both ends.  When he gets tired he will grab his fox and jump up on the couch beside me to go to sleep like in the picture.  Most of the pictures I have are of him sleeping because otherwise they come out blurry since he is always in motion.  

I am working on house-training him and teaching him not to bite us or our clothes.  We just took him for his first vet visit and our vet told us a lot of helpful information.  I'm also reading a lot online.  So far he is pretty good at sitting and sorta understands "lay down" but usually needs prompting at first.  

Below is a picture of Buddy with the bone I crocheted for him.  (You can find the pattern I used here.)

Okay, I'll post more later but for now I really should be sleeping while the baby is sleeping.  

-Donna

p.s. comments let me know people actually read what I write.  I'd love a few of those <3

A Red sweater for a dog named Blue

“Dogs are our link to paradise. 

They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. 

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be 

back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring--it was peace.” 

― Milan Kundera

I am happy to say Blue seems to be doing a lot better.  She has her spunk back.  The antibiotics and the anti-inflammatory meds are helping a lot.  She is not peeing blood now and she has been eating and drinking again. When my husband comes home she does her little dance for him to give her a treat like she used to.  Everyone is so happy to see her happy again.

I have been playing phone tag with the vet. I've been having some bad pain days.  It has been snowing so I usually have flare ups when the weather changes.  Anyway, since I haven't been getting out of bed until after 3 or 4 pm I've been missing her calls.  I call her back and then miss her return call.  She finally said on the message the the pathologist isn't convinced that the tumor is a Transitional Cell Carcinoma (TCC).  It could be a connective tissue tumor or just a large mass of inflammation.  Whatever it is, she definitely feels a lot better.  She has arthritis in her back legs and usually has trouble going up the two steps to the back door or hopping up on the furniture (which is not allowed unless I'm not looking).  She had a different med she was taking but they had me switch to a stronger one to help bring down the inflammation in her bladder and now she is skipping around like she's a puppy again.  She's my 13 year old puppy.

Anyway, I have been working on a sweater for her since I know the temperature could drop any time. We have some snow but it hasn't been too cold for her yet.  I had to alter the pattern because she has Cushing's Disease so her belly is big like a pot bellied pig.   Most dogs are bigger in the chest and then get smaller around the belly but she is one inch large in the belly than her chest measurement and she also has some swelling that the vet said should get better over the next little while.

I found a pattern on Craftsy.com by Copper Llama Studio that looks like it would be easier to alter. I'm pretty new at trying to alter a pattern.  I took a lot of measurements and with some tips from a friend I was able to make this sweater to fit Blue.  I made it in bright red just in case she had a job interview to go to.

I added some extra stitches onto one side of the belly section to make a flap with button holes so it can wrap around her tender belly and fasten with buttons to the back.  That makes is so much easier to get it on her without hurting her.  It is a little snug on her around the middle but the vet said her belly will start to be smaller as she get her meds.  I also made the neck piece a little too big so I'll probably fix that later. It looks like a stylish cowl neckline lol  It is more important that she be warm than stylish.  Now I need to get busy and sew her some new booties so she wont get frost bite on her feet.  

Sad day

My beagle, Blue, is doing a little better.  The antibiotics are helping fast and she has been getting a lot of rest.  Yesterday it was like the back door was a revolving door.  She was constantly going out.  We both slept all night and most of the day without her going out much at all.  She hasn't been drinking much either.  She did want food today though and I was glad to see her eat.  I gave her the anti-inflammatory medicine this morning and I noticed she wasn't passing as much blood when she peed. I'm just so worried about her though.  I've been watching her and snuggling with her all day.  I just can't imagine her not being around here with me...... at my feet all the time.  

I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor if they were able to figure out what type of tumor it is.  They sent her scant urine sample off to a pathologist to see if they can find some tumor cells mixed in with all the bacteria and white cells.  The vet thinks it is transitional cell carcinoma.  The tumor is not blocking her urine output so that is good.  

I wish I could just make it all go away.

Sad songs and my dog Blue

Blue at the vet with Son #2

I'm so sad right now.  My sweetest companion, my beagle Blue, is not doing well.  I was up all night with her (Monday night) letting her out every hour and sometimes every 5 minutes.  She threw up her dinner and I just wasn't sure what was wrong or what to do.  In the morning I was so exhausted I would let her out, hooking her up on her chain, and then I'd lay back down and drift off for a few minutes until she scratched to come back in.  Sometimes she would just look at me and then turn around and go back to pee again.  I knew it was strange that she hadn't wanted to eat or drink anything and I was very worried.  A little later when I woke up I noticed by the back door there was blood with some dark, pea sized clots on the kitchen floor where she had peed.  I went outside and looked around and since there is a little snow I could see a few spots where she had peed and it was tinted with blood and one spot I could see dribbled blood.  I called the vet right away and took her in.  She has a nasty bladder infection but also a large tumor in her bladder. They caught a small sample of urine and they are going to try to find some tumor cells and hopefully can determine what type it is.  They gave us some antibiotics for her and an anti inflammatory so that should make her feel better at least.   I am so worried for her.  She is pretty old for a beagle too.  She'll be 14 in February.

On another note,

I watched the pilot episode for season 2 of Bones (again, yes, again) and this song, Be here now by Ray LaMontagne,  caught my attention.  Here is a video tribute to my favorite Spartan warrior that just happens to feature that song. You really have to pay attention and listen to the lyrics because it is so quiet.

It is so sad that he passed away.  So many talented people die much too soon.
There are too many angels and some have four legs.

Here is another song from that episode called The Greatest by Cat Power. I love her voice.