It's Christmas morning...

and I don't know why I feel sad and empty.  It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake. 

I think part of my problems is....  feeling so useless. 

My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too.  When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa.  Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys.  I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads.  I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways.  I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both.  Most of all, I miss being needed.  I miss being missed. 

My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed.  He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books....  and I whine and say I'm too tired.  I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move.  I am always forgetting everything.  Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting.  Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget. 

I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better.  I've been having a lot of pain lately.  I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so.  I always try though.  Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it.  So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes.  I just have to break it up.  I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day.  That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though.  I'm glad I asked for it. 

It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st.  I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get.  I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size.  My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything.  I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that.  I also have some size 16 jeans.  The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too.  I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now.  I don't want to wear black and gray.  I want to wear colors and flowers! 

Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

DJ

A happy November

In October my sister told me about the Keto diet.  She and her husband had been doing it and they had both lost a lot of weight.  I was feeling really bad right then so I told her I'd look into it but I was very skeptical.  Then I heard my brother was doing it to and had lost 70 lbs!  My sister said it was supposed to help reduce inflammation and thought it might be able to help me.  I'm always so skeptical about these things.  People are mostly out to make money and profit off of people who are suffering.  After I talked to my sister I kept hearing more about it and did some googling.  I finally found a site that outlined what you can and can't eat.  While you can't eat bread, sugar, fruits etc you can have fatty stuff like meat and bacon.  I like veggies so that's not a problem.  Once I realized I could eat food I liked I decided to give it a try.  I started on November 1st.  Now it is the last day of November and I have lost 12 lbs!  I've lost 1.2 % body fat and my lean muscle mass has increased by 16.3%.  I've lost 4.5 inches off my waist. I even lost 1.25 inches from my neck!  I still have a long way to go so I really hope I have the will power.  Thanksgiving and my birthday sure were hard.  

For Thanksgiving I had planned out some yummy stuff for me to eat but it was still hard seeing the pies and corn on the cob etc.  I love corn!  Then my husband went to a poker party and we ended up with one of those assortments of cheese cake in our fridge.  OMG!  I was so so close to just wolfing one of those down.  I even had it in my hand but then I looked at the label and knew how bad it would set me back.  I put it away and put something in front of it to block it.  I've been bribing my kids to eat it.

Earlier in the month, I decided I wanted a new hair do to go with my new me.  My gray was starting to show at the roots and my cut had grown out.  My bangs were past my ear.  I saw a music video and liked the highlights the woman had.  I looked through lots of pictures before I finally decided on what I wanted.  It wasn't really like any of the pictures so I ended up explaining it to my stylist, who is amazing, and she did a perfect job.  I'm allergic to PPD (p-phenylenediamine) so I have to be careful with hair color.  I had her just clean up my ends a little and kept my hair long with no bangs.  It feels really good to have a new hairstyle.  The color looks darker in this picture but there is gold and a warmer brown blended in with my normal color.  The gold doesn't show up in that picture for some reason.  

My birthday was Tuesday the 27th.  My husband bought ordered me a treadmill so I could walk during the winter when it's too cold and slick.  It arrived on the 28th so I've only had it a few days.  It's a nice one that folds up easily and lowers itself when you push this bar with your foot.  That's great because I hate having to rely on other people to do things for me.  Right now it is in my kitchen so we still have to find a better spot for it.  I think I'm going to move it over by out front window so I can look out the window while I walk.  

Anyway, I've had a good month.  I've still had some flare ups when it snows or the atmospheric pressure drops but for the most part I'm feeling better.  I didn't have a single IBS flare up this month which is crazy since they told me it was caused by eating fat.  I was avoiding fats and oils for a long time but still getting really sick about once a week.  I didn't even think about that when I started the Keto diet where you decrease your carbs and increase the FAT!  Sometimes my colon would start spasming on the right side and it was like watching a baby move in a pregnant woman's belly.  That also didn't happen this month.  One person thinks it could be that I'm not eating wheat anymore but I can't really be sure.  Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm doing better.  

DJ

I'm feeling better today

I had a rough day yesterday with this new pain on my outer left thigh and couldn't focus enough to read or even follow a TV show.  This is why I love the internet and I can try to figure out what is wrong myself if possible.  I know a lot of doctors don't like that but if I can help myself than I just don't care.  I looked up all the causes of thigh pain and then went to images.  I clicked on the graphics that showed where the pain was located and then went to read the info on that site. I read and eliminated some other causes and the decided it was probably something called Meralgia paresthetica.  I read that one of the causes is being overweight and that is certainly true for me.  I know I need to lose weight and I'm currently on a diet.  Anyway, I also read that one of the treatments is Gabapentin and I have that. I only take it right before going to bed because it makes me fall to sleep.  I took it and it did work!  I was actually able to watch a full TV show before falling asleep and I woke up feeling great this morning around 5 am.  Lyrica is also used to treat it.  Today I found a website that has some stretches that help so I'm going to start doing those and continue to diet and lose weight.

It also helps that I've found some support in an online group called MyFibroTeam. I am so glad I took the time to check it out because it really helps to talk to someone that really understands what you are dealing with. People who don't have fibromyalgia may try to understand but they usually don't really get it and say things that can be hurtful even if they don't mean to. I'm so grateful for my fibro team of friends who are so ready and willing to rally behind me when I need them.

I plan on making the best of the day while I am feeling better without pushing myself too far and causing a flare up. I want to clean in the fridge and I'll make sure and have my son pull out the drawers for me and put them back. I also have a simple cross stitch kit I want to work on. I enjoy working on cross stitch during the holidays for some reason. I only started doing it last year when I did a few Christmas kits. I bought some more larger projects to work on but I was more interested in knitting and crochet until now.

The kit I'm working on is a simple chalk board look design so it is white stitches on black fabric and it says "share joy" and has a butterfly and some scroll designs. It is a 4x6" design that comes with a pretty white frame. It is a kit by Design Works and I got it for a great price on ebay. I am going to make this for my newest sister in law who's name is JOY!  I thought it would be funny to have that in her office where it can have a double meaning. Share joy with everyone you meet but also please be patient and share this lady because she's really busy. I love it.

Okay, I'm going to go get started on something and not waist my day sitting on the couch parked on the computer.  I hope everyone has a good day and if you have pain of any kind I pray you find relief.
DJ.