Smoke and Fire

Alaska is on fire.  I am in Fairbanks so we are okay but there are fires around us and we are getting smoked out.  I was feeling really bad yesterday and couldn't get to sleep because I was so achy.  I couldn't find any way to lay where I could get comfortable.  I had body aches all over.  I finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6 pm the next day.  Wow, that's so late.  I slept all day.  I feel like I've been run over by something.  It turns out that it has been raining and that is what triggered a Fibromyalgia flare up.  You know, I'm okay with that.  Alaska needs the rain right now.  I really hope it helps the firefighters get further in their efforts.  Hopefully there wasn't lightening to cause more fires.  Everything is so dry and we haven't been getting enough rain thoroughly wet everything. 

I'm not sure what I can do today.  I can't even think clearly and certainly can't concentrate to read.  I've been knitting though and the baby blanket I'm knitting isn't a complicated pattern so maybe I can continue working on that.  I hope so.  Here is a dark picture of the blanket I'm knitting.  It's more blue than it looks and that was about half way finished.  Now I'm working on another row of whales.  The pattern is called "Arthur" and it easy to work.  I'm also going to make a stuffed whale toy to go with it. 

This next week I am supposed to go to Anchorage for a doctor appointment.  My husband planned to drive us.  I am worried about whether the way will be clear or not.  I heard yesterday that Anderson was given evacuation ready status 2 and a nearby neighborhood is being evacuated because of a growing fire.  That is along the parks highway which is the way to Anchorage.  I know there will be smoke but I hope it isn't too much for me to breath or for us to see. 

I wonder how the animals fair that are in the smoke.  I'm not talking about the fire but just the thick smoke that is hard to breath.  I know I haven't seen any moose this year.  I've had to stay indoors several days with the house all shut up and an air purifier running.  My doctor gave me an inhaler to help and if I step outside I have to use it.  I found a dead rabbit in my yard and it doesn't appear to have anything wrong with it.  They are actually domestic rabbits that someone set loose some years ago.  They have been spreading and seem to do okay in the winter.  I enjoy seeing them in my yard since I'm allergic to them and can't actually have one as a pet.  I did have rabbits when I was a kid so I really miss that.  Here is what they look like.  I had one that was really friendly and kept coming up to my front step looking for food.  I was putting out carrots for him.  I named him Charlie but then several others of different sizes started coming and I lost track of which one was Charlie.  Now I call them all Charlie.  Some I call Big Charlie, one is fat Charlie, and one little guy born this year is little Charlie.  It was so sad to see the one that died and it could have been the one in the picture.  It was that size. 

I wonder if someone put out poison.  I know some people in the neighborhood don't like them and try to run them off or kill them. A few were caught and taken to the pound.  I wanted to try that but I'm too allergic to them.  I hope those did okay and they were able to tame them.  I am pretty sure some people shoot them.  I don't know how you could poison a rabbit but that really worries me because then a dog could get it and get poisoned too.  At least I know my dog won't get one.  I keep my dog with me and he doesn't run around loose.  Knock on wood, he's never gotten loose yet anyway. 

I guess the rabbit could have had some sort of disease and in that case I sure hope he didn't share it with the others.  I would miss seeing them.  I love seeing them laying around outside.  The stretch out real long on the asphalt, sometimes right in the middle of the road. I haven't seen any hit my cars though because they are quick to move when cars come. 

Take care everyone and be safe if you are in the path of the storm (Louisiana).  Prayers for you. 

Donna

Good day, bad day(s)

Tuesday I had a doctor appointment in the afternoon and afterwards my husband and I went to eat.  I had a surf and turf and it was so good.  It was nice to spend some time with my husband.  After that, we went to Walmart to look for bulbs.  I was hoping to find tulip bulbs but they didn´t have any yet.  They did have some other bulbs though.  I bought some gladiolus and lilies and a few other ones I don´t remember the name of.  I need to look up online to learn about planting those.  Hopefully the stores will be getting some tulips soon.  One of my sons works at Fred Meyer so he will watch for them there.  The snow is melting fast so I hope they arrive soon.

After Walmart we went to Joanns to get some charm chain with leaves I needed to make a necklace to match a bracelet I made.  I wore it that day and wished I had a necklace to go with it.  I´m glad I had it on so I could make sure to find the same leaf charm chain.  I was glad they still had some and I also found some elephants and seahorses.

Now I really want to make something but I´ve been in bed all day.  I am in a lot of pain today and have been exhausted.  I woke up around 10 am but couldn´t stay awake.   I feel back asleep and was still sleeping when my husband came home around 7 pm.  I did some Restorative Yoga at home to see if that helped.  Now I just need to rest and hope I feel better tomorrow.  

Back with Babbles

I know this will be a huge surprise but I have decided to get back to writing here.  I thought I would keep an actual paper journal this year but it doesn't seem to be happening.  I do have a cute blank book that I bought at Joann's that is cut in the shape of a letter D.  I decided to use that as a journal and use colored fine tipped sharpies to add quick journals and doodles.  I planned to add something daily but as it turns out I have too many days where I feel bad and don't get out of bed.  I never like to write about feeling bad because that's too depressing.  When I feel bad I want to think about positive things to keep my spirit up.  Sometimes that is very hard so I just listen to music in bed and rest and I don't journal.  I have been working at keeping my mind blank and stopping the constant chatter in my head.  I just listen to music and try to relax.  Sometimes I read a quote and try to focus on that.  That is why I sometimes only write a quote in my journal with no notes about it.  It is really hard to write about anything when I'm in a lot of pain.  It is even hard to talk when in pain.  Many people don't understand how difficult it is to just form sentences when in a lot of pain.  You have to think about what you are going to say too and thinking is totally out when pain is to the roof.  That is why I don't want to talk or text or anything when I feel bad.  I just want to zone out.  

Anyway, I have found that it is easier to let my thoughts flow freely here.  I am going to work at writing here more often.  Sometimes I do fall to the negative and type out of bunch of stuff and then just delete it.  It does help to get that out of my system but then deleting it is freeing.

I was just thinking that I am so glad that I can fall hopelessly in love with anything I want to and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it.  It is like how you can fall hopelessly in love with someone famous, like Brad Pitt, and it doesn't matter.  It isn't like he is going to care or even take notice.  He has no choice in the matter actually.  Not that I like Brad Pitt but his name was the first to come to mind.  I'm actually hopelessly in love with my husband and it is really amazing how I can keep falling more and more in love with him.  He is constantly surprising me and becoming more and more loving and sweet with age.  I am so blessed.  

So, currently, I am hopelessly in love with beading.  I can't think about anything else.  I love to play around with them and often spend hours tinkering with beads, putting different ones together to see how they would look and then trying a different combination.  Sometimes I never end up making anything with them but I enjoyed the play.  I have been posting pictures of things I have made on Instagram.  

I have a stack of beading books and I am just getting started learning what I can do.  I decided to start with a book called Beading Basics by Carol Rodgers.  This is definitely a book for totally new beginners.  It has instructions for the most basic aspects of beading so someone who has already been beading would find it useless.  I also found that the page teaching peyote is not even correct or complete so I learned that online.  I did learn a lot from it about the various beads and findings, bead looming and various bead weaving stitches but I usually end up looking up the various things mentioned to learn more about them than was in the book.  I have been learning a lot from Beadaholique.com.  They have a lot of great videos showing how to use the products they sell and project tutorials and beading tips etc.  Their videos are on youtube so you can look up their channel and subscribe to be alerted when more are added.  I am working my way through the projects in the book Beading Basics now.  I have to say, this is the book I started with because I had it already on my shelf but I am sure it is not the best beginning beading book out there.  I have been frustrated several times because of information I didn't find, like the size of beads in some places and mistakes in others.  I really think, before someone writes a book like this, they should sit down with a group of people wanting to learn beading, teach them, and take note of their questions for the book.  One thing I wondered that I had a difficult time finding the answer to was how beads were measured.  I know beads are measured using a caliper which you close down over the bead and it measures the bead or the hole etc.  What I wanted to know was, in a pattern that says to use a certain size bead, do they measure from top to bottom (hole to hole) or the other direction?  This is important if the bead is not round or square. The first pattern in this book was for a single strand necklace and it specified which beads to get.  The problem was I really didn't like it (because I'm not 80 yet) and wanted to use different beads.  Since the pattern did not say the actual finished length of the necklace I wanted to find beads I liked that would be the same size so when I followed the pattern it should work out.  I did not find the answer to this online by searching but I found a beading forum on facebook and asked the question there.  I was told the beads were measured top to bottom, hole to hole.  This is the type of question that might seem obvious to people who already bead but not to someone completely new to it.  

My necklace, and the matching earrings for which I did not follow the pattern in the book, turned out nice and more my style.  

I'm not sure if I will still be so hooked on beading as the weather gets warmer and the snow clears.  I am really itching to get outside and walk again.  Right now it is actually nice enough but the ground is very slick.  I have a hard time just walking to my mailbox without falling so I'm waiting for the snow and ice to melt.  I can't wait to see the first peaks and green and flowers.  My youngest son has been taking Buddy the beagle for walks though since it is warm enough for him.  He loves to run so it is difficult for me to control him.  I certainly couldn't do that and keep from falling so I'm so glad he is taking him.  

Later gaters, 

I´m still here

I finally got over my nasty sinus infection and have restarted my Humira injections and the Methotrexate.  It has been over 2 weeks but so far I haven´t felt any relief from my pain.  I´ve been spending a lot of time in my bed because the pain in my hips and lower back is just too much to move around much.  Sometimes I wake up in pain and can´t get comfortable so I can get back to sleep.  Now my sleeping schedule is getting turned around again.  I´ve been sleeping till 1 pm or so.  We have been having cold weather and snow so that also flares up my pain. 

My husband was very sweet and helped me with my closet. I had a small dresser in my closet because my room is too small to have a dresser outside my closet.  It wasn´t constructed very well and didn´t have that support in the drawers that keeps them straight when you pull them out.  The drawers would get crooked and then stick.  I am so weak because of the pain in my joints that I couldn´t get to my clothes or put them away without a lot of frustrations and pain.  My husband went to Lowes and bought a closet organizer with drawers that glide with ease.  It also has divides on side of my closet in two so I have a long shelf in the middle with a clothes rode above and below.  The long shelf at the top got raised so no way can I reach it now but my seasonal clothes can go up there and my husband can get them down for me when needed. 

I went through my closet (very, very slowly) and pulled out a bunch of things to donate or toss.  Now I have a nice organized closet with a place for everything.  It really feels good.

I´ve been reading a lot whenever I was awake in bed.  I´m finishing up the books on my Halloween reading list now and then I´ll be ready for my next project.  I´m working on Genealogy and I want to learn more about Colonial America.  I´m working on my list for that now and have two books on the way.

I haven´t gotten back to my penpals yet but I haven´t forgotten about anyone.  I just can´t write very well with the pain in my hands.  Typing doesn´t feel so great either so I´ll call this finished.

Take care,
Donna

Super sick

I haven´t posted in a long time and that is because I´ve been super sick and in really bad pain for most of the summer.  I try not to dwell on it but it really gets difficult.  I went to my Rheumatologist in June and I was in horrible pain then.  He got my lab results about a month before that and they showed my liver enzymes were elevated.  He decreased my dose of Methotrexate and after a month they were almost back to normal.  The problem is my pain was higher than ever.  He decided to start me on Humira injections but it took forever to get that going and be able to start taking it.  I hate needles and my husband has to do it for me.  They did start helping but the very same day I noticed a decrease in my pain I got sick.  My whole family got this horrible stomach Flu. It was one of those bugs that just doesn´t want to go away.  I ended up getting sinusitis and then a really bad sinus infection.  The first round of antibiotics didn´t work and it got even worse.  The doctor was really surprised when he looked.  He started me on a different antibiotic for 2 weeks and it is sloooowwwly improving or more like shrinking.  I think the sinusitis is improving faster.  It is nice to be able to breath through my nose again.

Anyway, because I have an infection I have to completely stop taking my immunosuppressant drugs that help with my pain.  Now I am in so much pain I can hardly walk.  I´ve been spending a lot of time in bed and reading when I can.  I can´t wait until this infection is gone and I can start taking my meds again.  I´m really grateful for a friend who recommended lidocane pain patches.  I don´t do the shopping anymore so I didn´t even know they existed.  One of my husband´s coworkers told him about Tiger Balm and he saw they had patches too.  I can only use one lidocane patch at a time so I currently have a lidocane patch on one hip and a tiger Balm patch on the other.  I actually think the Tiger balm patch side feels better.  Thank goodness my shoulders are not hurting so bad today or I´d be covered in patches.

I just keep thinking of that line kids used to write when they signed my yearbooks - Keep on Keeping on.  That is what I´m doing.

I'm feeling better today

I had a rough day yesterday with this new pain on my outer left thigh and couldn't focus enough to read or even follow a TV show.  This is why I love the internet and I can try to figure out what is wrong myself if possible.  I know a lot of doctors don't like that but if I can help myself than I just don't care.  I looked up all the causes of thigh pain and then went to images.  I clicked on the graphics that showed where the pain was located and then went to read the info on that site. I read and eliminated some other causes and the decided it was probably something called Meralgia paresthetica.  I read that one of the causes is being overweight and that is certainly true for me.  I know I need to lose weight and I'm currently on a diet.  Anyway, I also read that one of the treatments is Gabapentin and I have that. I only take it right before going to bed because it makes me fall to sleep.  I took it and it did work!  I was actually able to watch a full TV show before falling asleep and I woke up feeling great this morning around 5 am.  Lyrica is also used to treat it.  Today I found a website that has some stretches that help so I'm going to start doing those and continue to diet and lose weight.

It also helps that I've found some support in an online group called MyFibroTeam. I am so glad I took the time to check it out because it really helps to talk to someone that really understands what you are dealing with. People who don't have fibromyalgia may try to understand but they usually don't really get it and say things that can be hurtful even if they don't mean to. I'm so grateful for my fibro team of friends who are so ready and willing to rally behind me when I need them.

I plan on making the best of the day while I am feeling better without pushing myself too far and causing a flare up. I want to clean in the fridge and I'll make sure and have my son pull out the drawers for me and put them back. I also have a simple cross stitch kit I want to work on. I enjoy working on cross stitch during the holidays for some reason. I only started doing it last year when I did a few Christmas kits. I bought some more larger projects to work on but I was more interested in knitting and crochet until now.

The kit I'm working on is a simple chalk board look design so it is white stitches on black fabric and it says "share joy" and has a butterfly and some scroll designs. It is a 4x6" design that comes with a pretty white frame. It is a kit by Design Works and I got it for a great price on ebay. I am going to make this for my newest sister in law who's name is JOY!  I thought it would be funny to have that in her office where it can have a double meaning. Share joy with everyone you meet but also please be patient and share this lady because she's really busy. I love it.

Okay, I'm going to go get started on something and not waist my day sitting on the couch parked on the computer.  I hope everyone has a good day and if you have pain of any kind I pray you find relief.
DJ.

Ups and downs

I'm still waiting for the ups but I'm sure they are coming.

I had a very bad flare up about a week ago when we had snow one day and then it rained the next.  I can't even remember what day that was now.  I was in so much pain I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't even read or focus on anything.  It was bad.  Well, usually I just have to wait it out and when the flare up is over I start to feel better.  This time that didn't happen.  I kept having pain all over in my joins and also migraine headaches.  The last headache may not have been a true migraine and it just wouldn't let up.  I had that one for 3 days straight with no relief from meds.  I finally talked to my Rheumatologist and he prescribed some new meds - a steroid to get things under control and then a med that is used for RA (methotrexate) along with a folic acid supplement.

I started them yesterday.  I started the steroid pack first and after half a day my headache faded away to nothing.  I am so so glad.  I'm still really achy all over but so relieved to be headache free.  I really hope this new drug helps and that I don't have any bad side effects from it.

I really want to read or knit but I just can't.  I also don't have the patience I need to spend with my 6 month old beagle puppy.  We have a fence thing that makes a circle to keep him in that is in the living room.  I have been trying to let him out more and opening the fence to make a wall to block off areas I don't want him to go.  He gets very hyper at times and he wants to chew on everything but he has to learn.  It just takes a lot of energy because he is always getting into things or chewing on something he shouldn't.  I got him a bed and I've been trying to teach him to go lay down on his bed like my other beagle did.  She understood when I said that and would go lay down. I just can't do it right now though.  I don't have the patience and get too frustrated.  He really is like a toddler who gets out of control and fussy when he's tired and fights sleep.  Sometime I just have to stick him in his crate to get him to take a nap when he's like that.  I would just rather he learn to lay down on his bed or anywhere and take a nap.

Today Buddy will have play in his "cage."  The temperature has obviously dropped outside and I can feel the chill in the house.  I am still waiting for the house to warm up.  I think I am going to stay in my pajamas today and lounge in bed under the covers and hope for my brain to come back so I can at least read some.

Color Trends

I know there are color trends for every year and season etc but have you ever noticed your own color trends? For me they just happen and it takes me a while to notice. It usually starts with me seeing something in a store in a different color than I usually get and I have to get it.... then I keep seeing that color everywhere, in earrings, necklaces, jewelry, even deodorant bottles and want it. Sometimes it gets so silly that I realize I don't even really need the thing but I'm just attracted by the color and so I make myself put it back. The kicker is usually when I look at my nail polish and realize I have several bottles of the same or similar color.

Last year I started liking lavender and this year it gradually changed to darker purple. Everything I own now has turned purple. I even put purple highlights in my hair. Well, now I'm starting to add teal. I've been looking all over for a certain nail polish I used on my anniversary when I got my nails done. It is a fine lavender glitter polish by China Glaze in color "Don't Mesh With Me." I live in a small town and I wasn't finding it. I wasn't feeling well though so I hadn't been to some stores. I finally went to Ulta and found it. The thing is I picked up several other colors too and that is when I realized there was a definite color tend happening in the Teal direction.

When I'm in a lot of pain I like to paint my nails if I can. It helps me to feel better about myself and helps my mood. That is how I rationalize getting this many nail polishes.... I'm also tossing some others that are old so you know the saying, "out with the old, gotta get some new." I'm sure that's the way it goes.

The one I was looking for is on the bottom row, second from the left. The light wasn't so good when I took this picture. The two neutrals on the bottom look really off. The one all the way to the right, bottom row is Dope Taupe by China Glaze and the next one over is Steel Waters Run Deep.  I really like them both but they look gross in this picture.

I can't wait to try layering the purple glitter on of some different colors, especially that blue one! That one is an oldie but a goodie - though that bottle is new.  It's OPI in Blue My Mind.

I think it is kinda funny that the project that I'm knitting now is also purple, teal and gray.  The blue color is actually teal but the camera refuses to show it correctly.  It is definitely more greenish-blue.

So I'm sitting here covered with 3 large ice packs in various hurtful places and I'm going to paint my sad little nails. I broke a few so they are all very short now. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Beautiful pain

How can something so beautiful cause so much pain?

I look outside and I see the most beautiful fall colored carpet surrounding the trees. It is almost as if the trees are dancers dressed for a autumnal ball in golden, russet, amber and scarlet gowns flowing in gleaming satin circles around them. The men, standing straight and tall in their evergreen suits and matching pocket squares, guiding them around the room in elegant patterns. Then, as if the scene wasn't glorious enough, large flakes of snow catch the light as it ever-so-slowly drifts to the ground like feathers from angel's wings.  Can you see it too?

I woke up in the most pain I've had in a long time. After the snow melted it started to rain and that is when my pain shot through the roof. The doctor's would ask me what number I'd give it on a scale of 1-10. The numbers all start to blur together at some point and I can't even think straight to think about it. I do know though, that it is the most beautiful pain. Who knew, changing weather could do that?

I've been trying to do things this week but I can't. I can't think. I can't read. I can't do any of the things I like to do. It is so strange for me to go a whole week without cracking open a book or 3. I also have a knitting project I'm anxious to work on but it is a challenging one and I'm so afraid to mess it up. I started to watch this week's episodes of The Voice on Hulu but I couldn't focus on it. I keep spacing out so I decided to watch it later. Now I'm watching some old episodes of Bones, which I love.

The days of this week have all gotten muddled together and I have spent a lot of time sleeping or snuggled deep in a pile of blankets. Music helps. Sometimes I like slow, sad music and other times I need angry, rock music.

I'm just glad that this will pass and the pain will decrease to more tolerable levels again. Then, I'll be back to "I CAN" and I will.

Slow day

Today is a very slow day.  I have been sleeping in later and later since it rained on Monday.  My fibromyalgia always flares up when it rains or when the pressure changes drastically. It rained the entire day and night and it is still wet outside today (Wed).  My back started to hurt last night and I'm not sure if I pulled something or if it is my kidneys. I'm drinking a lot of water just in case and just sitting with my back firmly supported and trying not to move. Because of that I've been doing a lot of reading lately which is something I enjoy.

Right now I am reading a book on Spirituality.  It is called The Unbound Soul by Richard L. Haight. I am really enjoying this book and I know it will be one I will go back to a lot. I've highlighted several passages and bookmarked pages. I believe in God but I have had many bad experiences with churches and pastors etc. Essentially, I lost my faith in people but not in God. It took me a long time to get it into my head that people are fallible and no matter what they preach they can still make mistakes. I have also been intrigued by different religions and how many of them overlap in some beliefs or ideals. I never felt comfortable when a religion/church organization instructs people to go out and convert people to their faith. I really am not completely sure myself which faith/belief system is completely 100% correct. What if I'm the one who is wrong?

I went to get my nails done this one time at a new salon that was having a grand opening. As I talked to the Asian man doing my nails I learned that his girlfriend had recently died of cancer. He was deeply spiritual and I could feel it. When he spoke of her his face glowed. I could literally feel his pain and his love as he spoke. He told me she was there "walking around us." He was so sure of that and he said he could feel her presence. I was thinking to myself, "how could anyone tell this man that his beliefs were wrong?" I certainly wasn't going to. I found myself wanting what he had, even with his grief. He had something powerful that was keeping him going - keeping him living through sadness and difficulty.

Anyway, in this book Richard Haight tells several stories about his spiritual experiences and they truly are amazing. I am usually very skeptical of people with stories like these but that is because they come with palm extended for money. I found myself not finding that usual skepticism bubbling to the surface but faith.  I really think this book is full of promise and the more I read the more hope I have. With any book like this, when I come to parts or stories I'm unsure of, I just set them on a back burner and keep going. I don't put them completely out of mind because I want to keep an open mind. I am marking parts that really draw me so I can go back and study them more and put the ideas into action. I have never tried meditation but I've heard of other people that do. I just never knew how to go about it. This book describes the process of what he calls Observation Meditation. I'm going to work on putting this into practice and see what happens. It can't hurt - and certainly not more than I already do with my fibromyaglia pain.  Who knows, maybe this can help with that.

Richard Haight has recently joined the goodreads.com community as a goodreads author. I was very glad to see that. He also has a website; http://richardhaight.net/

Rainy Day

I've been so achy today and didn't get out of bed till late.  I did drag myself up though (with the help of my friend Excedrin Extra Strength) and I'm working on a crochet project while Buddy is busy with a rawhide bone.  Buddy the Beagle Baby doesn't like to go out to go to the bathroom when it's wet out so I've been cleaning up accidents today.  He does have good days though and he let me know he needed to go outside once for the previous 2 days in a row.  I'm pretty sure he is teething now so there are bound to be accidents during that time.  I guess it is a good thing he is so cute!  My main goal is keeping him away from my crochet project which has a lot of work into it.

Anyway, I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow.  I'm planning to cook some salmon that my son and his friend got in Valdez, Alaska.  I'm going to try this recipe for Asian Salmon in Foil.

Is there such a thing as happy pain?

Yes!

I am laying down right now with ice on both feet and shoulders.  Trying to rest.

I've been in so much pain for so long now.  The pain keeps me from being able to do anything.  I can't lose weight because it hurts so bad to exercise.  Over the years it's only gotten worse.  Then in early January this year I found a new doctor.  I just felt that he was going to be able to help me some how. I think maybe because he seemed like he wanted to.  He seemed to care.  Maybe he is a younger doctor who isn't burnt out yet.  My last doctor knew I had fibromyalgia so she just said every problem I had was that and she didn't try to figure it out or if it could be something else that is treatable.  I had horrible pain in my left shoulder that was also starting to affect the left side of my neck.  It was so bad I didn't want to move.  Exercise made it worse.  The new doctor examined my shoulder and referred me to a doctor that does myofascial release therapy.

I went to the first appointment feeling a little apprehensive.  They told me it really hurts but that it would probably help in the long run.  It did really hurt.  I almost passed out the first time.  I had some bruising on my shoulder where they worked and was told to ice it and drink a lot of water.  It took longer than I expected to heal but when it did my shoulder was so much better - amazingly better. They worked on my neck pain and it was gone before I left the office.  They said that was a triggerband and I also had many triggerpoints.  The triggerpoints are herniated fascia so there is an opening and some tissue is pushing through and getting strangulated.  That is what is causing the pain.  The triggerbands, from what I understand, are a twisted muscle.  I went back today and they worked on more areas.  The doctor had a student with her and I really liked him.  He was answering my questions.  Some doctors don't want to answer my questions or give really vague answers meant to appease someone who they think can't understand.  I like to look things up on the internet afterwards and learn more about what they are doing so I want some real answers.

This time I told them about the pain in my feet.  I have been having pain in my feet for so long.  It hurts to walk or stand for very long.  I want to get out when I can and exercise so I can lose weight. During the summer I want to walk but last summer it just hurt too much.  Every step I took was painful.  I noticed the pain got worse with each consecutive day that I walked until I just couldn't do it anymore.  None of the doctor's I'd seen knew what was wrong.  The Rheumatologist x-rayed my feet and hands but didn't see anything.  Other doctors said it was probably planter fasciitis and that exercise and stretches would help it.  I already knew exercise did not help it and the stretches did nothing.  Plus, I looked it up on the internet and the pain from that is usually on the bottom of the feet or the back of the heal.  My pain is on the top and outer sides of my feet.  These new doctors worked over my feet and they knew exactly what I was talking about.  I could tell before I left that they had already helped.  Now I just have to wait for the soreness to go away to see how much it really helped. I am very optimistic.

I am laying here looking at the sunshine streaming through my window and thinking about summer. It is spring and the snow is melting.  I can't wait to see green grass and flowers in my yard.

This year is the first time in many years that I've been excited about summer.

-D

Happy birthday to you the dog got sick on your shoe

It wasn't my birthday.  My youngest son turned 18 on the 19th of January.  So that means it is official now.  I am old.  I've been looking at lots and lots of pictures of him (I always do this when one of my boys has a birthday) and I feel like I've had an army of kids.  They change so much at each stage of their lives and I always think I really miss when they were a baby or when they were 2 or 4.  They were both very special at different ages and I feel sad when the stage is over and that child is gone. There was always a new wonderful older child in their place that I enjoyed getting to know.  They both have such wonderful personalities.  Now that they are both grown I miss all of those children they used to be.  It makes me sad but now I have these two young men that I love and I am proud to call my sons.

Happy New Year and Sore Back

Wow, so I think I'm going to live.  I caught a cold at Christmas time and I've been sleeping so much since then.  You would think I'd look as good as sleeping beauty.  I haven't been able to do as much as usual and that has been frustrating.  I spent a lot of time with yarn and crochet hook in my hands but not actually making anything.  I just stared into space and occasionally blew my nose.  At least that time that I was sick gave me time to think about things I need to change.

Merry Christmas

I'm having a hard time as usual with all the aches and pains from the cold but there is also that additional pain from missing my mom at Christmas.  My mom died Feb 16, 2008 and I still miss her every single day.  It is just always more difficult when my birthday comes around and I know she would have called me.  My birthday was on thanksgiving this year.  Then just a little bit later is her birthday on December 8th and of course Christmas Day is hard too.  Well, all I can do is think of her and make some new wonderful memories with my family that are here.

Here is some nice Christmas music from the first, third, and sixth seasons of Bones to get the spirit of Christmas flowing strong.

Season 5, Episode 10

Fishy Business and Bones

I finally started feeling better yesterday and then I promptly overdid it.  Since the shoes with the arch support seemed to keep my feet from hurting I decided to get some exercise on my stationary bike.  I did 15 minutes while I read.  15 minutes is a lot for me.  I also did a load of laundry, mopped the bathroom floor and cleaned a little in the bathtub.  Then I told my husband we should go on a little date tomorrow and go eat somewhere.  I should never do that because every time I do I can never get out of bed the next day.  I hurt all night and couldn't sleep for a long, long time.  After I finally fell asleep I was out all day.

I woke up to an asthma attack around 7 pm.  That was fun.  <-- sarcasm  I can only assume it was set off by the bleach I used.  I really need to quit using that stuff.  

My husband was super sweet and made dinner.  He made potato soup in the crock pot and has Rhodes (frozen) bread rising.  If he didn't make something one of my boys would have.  Son #2 likes to cook things like pizza and spaghetti.  Son #1 often makes stir fry/fried rice or chicken fettuccine. I'm very blessed.  

I've been sitting here staring at my 55 gallon fish tank for a few minutes and trying to count my fish. Not long ago I bought about 16 or so new fish, including 6 male guppies. The prettiest one with the royal blue body and aqua tail was dead by morning but that was the only guppy I've removed.  Now there are only 2 swimming around but no floaters or sinkers.  I think Sid, the Bala shark, is getting hungry or something.  They said they should be fine in with him but since I'm not finding any dead guppies....  or parts of guppies...  hmmm  I need to turn the castle over but I hate to freak out Waldo the upside-down catfish and Raymond the super-skittish plecostomus.  I checked the water and things look good there.  I don't think I'll be buying any more guppies.  They were not intended to be feeder fish.  

The reason I ended up with a Bala shark is because I went into Petco (only place in town to get fish now besides Walmart) and they had some small ones.  My tank was almost empty since the ones I had were very old.  I asked about the Bala sharks (which were only about an inch long) and told them the size of my tank etc.  Well, she sold me 6 of them but didn't think it was important to tell me they could each get 10"!  My tank is not big enough for that but next morning a few were dead and I went back in to talk to them.  Turns out their tank had ich and a bunch at the store had died too.  I started to notice some white spots on a few of them and I treated the tank.  I ended up with only this one surviving out of the 6 and Sid still acts a little weird at times like it affected his widdle-bitty fish brain.  Sometimes he looks like he is chasing his tail going in tight circles.  He could be a circus fish! They told me to wait a certain amount of time (weeks) to let things normalize in the tank before getting more but insisted that I get at least 4 more so he can school.  When I finally went back in there there was a different girl and she looked at me like I was crazy.  She said they are like tinfoil barbs and get the same size (10 - 12").   So now I just have the one and he seems to doing okay. Since the other girl was obviously clueless I don't know if the weird spinning in circles thing is normal for that type of fish or not.  I *think* he seems to get agitated and swim around fast while kind of flipping side to side when he is hungry.  That is a guess but usually I put food in there and then he seems to settle down.  He eats a lot and seems to like blood worms the most.  I really like him so I'll keep him as long as I can.  If he starts eating or picking on my larger fishes I'll have to take him back for adopting out.  I'd be sad though.

Anyway, here are a few songs from Bones Season 3.

From Episode 5 - Young Men Dead by Black Angels 

I like the 70's psychedelic feel this group has.  If you like it and have some time you can keep listening.  This is a playlist with a TON of their music.

From Episode 7 - Bandstand in the Sky by Pete Yorn

 

It turns out that this song was written after the death of Jeff Buckley who drowned.  Very sad.

From Episode 8 - Sail Away by Madrugada

I just want to sail away

From it all

Freedom is impossible

This I know

From Episode 10 - a very fitting video called Bones by the Killers

My favorite part is at 3:10 - 3:12

From Episode 13- Fountain by Sara Lov

I hate to say it but I really find this song annoying.

 

You

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. -Jessica Lange 

This is a beautiful song.  It was on Bones Season 2 episode 16.  I know I have at least one other song by this singer but I can't believe I've never heard this one before now.  It is about a baby and it is so touching.  I remember feeling like this when my boys were little and still do now that they are young men.... only know they know.  I used to take care of them but now my boys take care of me.  When I am in pain and can't get out of bed they make sure I have eaten or drink enough water.  They check on me like I used to check on them.  They are my life and will always be.

This song from Episode 17 is very sad.  It makes me think back to those times when I held my babies and the times I listened to them giggle, the times I cleaned up skinned knees or read bedtime stories.  Later, as they grew I admired them for their thinking and ability to do things for themselves.  Now that they are pretty much grown I know that eventually they will leave home and I'll be alone again.  Of course, I do have my husband but my heart will always long for my boys.  Right now I have a special bond with my youngest son, Son #2 who is 17.  He is a night owl like I am and sometimes when he can't sleep he will come out here and talk to me for hours.  He tells me about things that happened in school, things he learned, things he saw online and found funny, sad or interesting.  I love that boy so much.  He is very much like his dad and also looks like him. He is also like my younger brother though and he always makes me laugh.  

I just hope that when my boys leave home that they will always come back.  

 

Stuck on the Couch

Since the temperature has dropped and the landscape has become whiter I've been having a lot more pain, especially in my feet and my shoulders.  The meds do help somewhat  except for my feet.  I just want to sit on the couch and never stand up unless absolutely necessary.  This could be my new diet plan.  Anyway, I'm pretty set here.  I've got my husband's wool socks on, my laptop and I've been watching episodes of Bones season 2 and looking up the music from the shows and crocheting like a mad woman.

I can't really think straight so I just made up a pattern for these little wash cloths.  I like them to be about the size of my hand and to have some texture but still look nice.  They come out to about 5" square before washing so just a little bigger than a sponge.  I am making them color coded so I know which ones are for which purpose.  I'm using this green and white cotton yarn to make cloths for cleaning in the kitchen and I'll choose a different color for cleaning in the bathrooms.  I made some with some peach and natural colors for my face cloths.  I'll make some in blues for the boys face cloths etc.

I'm addicted to this show.  I read this story in the news about a man that was killing women and leaving them in abandoned buildings and right away I was thinking about Bones and wished I could watch that episode.

Anyway, these songs are from Episode 9 - Aliens in a Spaceship.  

Next to You by Tim Easton

This song which says it is by Bob Gentry was apparently produced by him but not sang by him.... unless Bob has a very high pitched voice.  This youtube video says "Amie" so maybe that is who the singer is.  It is called Never Know.  This song was playing on the radio when Brennan and Hodgins woke up to find themselves buried alive in a car (at the start of the show).  It is such a pretty song but they somehow made it sound eerie with it getting fuzzy and breaking up.  Of course, it then goes back to explain how they got there and what happened after.

 

From Episode 14

Tears and Laughter by Jonathan Czerwik

It was very interesting listening to son #2's opinion on what this song is about.  I'm very literal and he is very philosophical.  He tells me I have to think deeper to get to the true meaning.  

 

From Episode 15

The Secret Sun by Jesse Harris

Fault Line by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Bones and some of the music I loved from the first season

I don't watch very much TV and usually when I do it has something to do with music.  I like to watch American Idol & The Voice.  I also like mysteries and Crime/law type shows but I usually do more reading in that genre than watching TV.  My husband is a HUGE TV watcher and I think he will watch anything.  I just can't do it.  There has been a few times when I found something I really liked and stayed up all night watching a whole season or 3 but for the most part I never even turn it on.  I listen to music and crochet.

Sometimes though, when I'm laying on my side trying to go to sleep while someone is being shot or maimed on Netflix, I'll end up hearing a song I like from the show he is watching.  I always try my hardest to remember so I can look it up later.  Every once and a while he watches something good like Bones.  He is way ahead of me and I couldn't remember all the shows I watched so I started back at the beginning.  Anyway, I noticed I was hearing a lot of music I really liked and sometimes I actually had to get up and write it down because I didn't want to risk totally forgetting about it.  Here are some of them.

From the Pilot Episode
Of course I already had this song.

I can't leave out this one even though I already posted about it last time.
I bought this whole album.

This is a good song that I already had - from Episode 2.  

From Episode 5

There was a lot of music in Episode 6 but mostly rap which I can't stand. This was the only decent one.  I mostly like the music and the soothing voice.

Episode 9 had Christmas songs and it is just a little early for that. I think I already have them in my itunes or own the CD too so they were not bad. I'm still in denial about the snow that is on the ground outside so I'll wait on those Christmas songs. 

 Goldfrapp from episode 10: I've always liked this song for some reason.  I actually think my friend Rebekah has that same outfit.  

This sad song is from Episode 12.  I'm glad to know that I'm not on my own.

This song from episode 13 makes me which I knew Spanish.

Episode 14 had some great songs that I already loved.

And this song I'd never heard before.

Episode 16: This was the best song from the season and the one I had to get out of bed to go download. 

 

Episode 17: This is a song that really touched my heart. This is how I feel every day dealing with Fibromyalgia and all the other problems that go along with it.  It is sad without being hopeless.  I am not hopeless.  As long as I have God I have hope.

  "Strange how hard it rains now, rows and rows of big dark clouds.  But I'm holding on underneath this shroud.  Rain, rain, rain"
"I'm still alive underneath this shroud"

 

Here is another one that I liked from Episode 18  

Whistles the wind, blowing my way 

Sweeping me back, back here to stay 

Can winners be losers running on the same track? 

Some head for glory, others refresh 

 Well it breaks my heart to see you this way 

The beauty in life, where's it gone? 

And somebody told me, you were doing okay 

Somehow I guess they were wrong 

 My isolation, now there's a sobering thought 

A minute alone, a lifetime too long 

See the face in this mirror, so pale it could crack 

Desperately wanting the color it lacks

 So you drank with the lost souls for too many years 

Time to be right cause they'll cripple with fear 

Never been righteous, though seldom we're wrong 

Life's only life with you in this song 

 Now there's an ocean between us 

Where I am and where I want to be 

So you prayers in doubt, doubt not for me 

 Oh you'll find your way out, but there's no going now 

Every woman and child drags you down for the dive 

It's not safe being free, can't give back what you feel 

You said you'll always be in heaven with me

From Episode 20 

Starting fresh

I decided to start a new blog. My other blog had gotten so dusty and depressing. I decided it was time to make a change, rearrange the furniture and rethink my purpose for blogging. I decided I didn't want my blog to be about how I was feeling. I feel pretty bad pretty much all the time so this blog is going to be about things I do, see, read, hear, etc. I'll write about what makes me happy like getting the most scrumptious yarn from an awesome friend in Australia and finally getting the crochet hook set that I had been coveting forever for an early birthday present. I also got a new CD by a band I just learned about when I decided to rewatch the first season of Bones. Oh, and I recently made a few new friends that bring joy to my life through my computer. I will be back to write more about these things later but for now I wanted to get the curtains back up and air out this new blog.