On the mend

I am finally starting to feel better.  I still have a stuffy head and I'm still going through tissues but I feel like I'm headed in the right direction.  My husband is also starting to feel better and he's back at work.  He still felt bad during the weekend and I feel so bad for him.  He was really sick on his birthday, the 3rd, and still sick on Father's Day.  I did talk him into going to breakfast with me and it was really good.  He's actually rubbing off on me. 

My husband likes to do things for other people to make their day.  If he wins money at pull tabs he'll give someone a nice tip.  I've always been very frugal and always make sure I tip enough but never a lot extra.  I do like to give an extra tip to the cook if I get a really good steak.  I never know what they get of the tips normally left.  Anyway, I had steak and eggs and the steak was so good it didn't need anything on it.  It was AMAZING!  Then the cook actually came out and asked us both how we liked our food.  This was not expected since it was early and the place was empty.  We've also eaten there a lot and that has never happened.  I can only assume she is new there and she was amazing.  She was one of those happy people that leaves everyone she talks to smiling and laughing.  When she came back through I asked her what her name was and shook her hand, slipping her a $20.  She was very grateful and it was so nice to be able to do that.  I remember times when I couldn't have ordered a steak and had to keep a running total in my head at the grocery store because money was tight.  It is a really good feeling to be able to spread the love a little and Ms. Candy sure deserved it. 

After that we went and bought some flowers for my yard at a local nursery.  I was worried it was getting too late to find any good flowers.  I couldn't get any of my favorite "baby duck" petunias because they'd all been moved to hanging planters.  I don't want hanging planters because I wouldn't be able to water them myself.  My husband did get me a new bleeding heart since I couldn't find mine and I got two new lilies, some Shasta daisies, and a Columbine for my perennial bed.  I got some annuals for the other areas.  Chris was feeling bad so he went to bed but my son Riley helped me get my flowers planted.  I had a great day outside even though I still had my tissues close by.  I love all the flowers.  I have more to do in the yard but I have to do a little at a time.  Riley did trim my trees some so I could actually sit on my bench again.  Three quarters of my bench was in the trees and sticker bushes!  Riley took out so many sticker bushes and tree limbs it was amazing and there is still more to be done.  It looks a lot better though. 

I have also been doing some more small cross stitch kits but I'll post about that on my cross stitch blog.

Donna J.

It's Christmas morning...

and I don't know why I feel sad and empty.  It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake. 

I think part of my problems is....  feeling so useless. 

My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too.  When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa.  Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys.  I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads.  I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways.  I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both.  Most of all, I miss being needed.  I miss being missed. 

My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed.  He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books....  and I whine and say I'm too tired.  I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move.  I am always forgetting everything.  Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting.  Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget. 

I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better.  I've been having a lot of pain lately.  I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so.  I always try though.  Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it.  So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes.  I just have to break it up.  I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day.  That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though.  I'm glad I asked for it. 

It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st.  I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get.  I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size.  My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything.  I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that.  I also have some size 16 jeans.  The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too.  I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now.  I don't want to wear black and gray.  I want to wear colors and flowers! 

Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

DJ

My Creative Bible

I'm still sick and pretty much sleeping all the time but today was a big mail day for me so I couldn't wait to share. Everything I've ordered recently decided to come at the same time. Three books I requested from paperbackswap.com came today and I got two packages from Amazon which included my new My Creative Bible.  It is a KJV and has space on the sides for notations or doodling and designs for coloring that goes with the text. I love it! I had a really hard time choosing which one to get since I couldn't see them in person. There are several to choose from. There is a pretty hardcovered aqua one that I loved too and I've been really drawn to that color recently so it was a really hard decision. There is also a very pretty silken flex cover one that has a beautiful floral cover too.  I believe these all have the same pages inside. I decided to get the pink, hardback cover and it is perfect. I love the embossed designs on the cover, especially the butterflies. The page edges also have a beautiful floral design. It has a matching elastic band to keep it closed and a matching satin ribbon bookmark. Then, of course, there are different Bibles for the different versions. These are just all the KJV bibles I was looking at.  There is a pretty aqua Inspire NLT version that has pretty butterflies on the page edges. That one has different artwork but it is very similar.

I love the verse on the back from Isaiah, 

"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of

our God shall stand for ever." 

Isaiah 40:8 

I just keep petting it. The cover feels so nice in my hands.  It will probably take a long time before I can write or color in it. I am just going to use colored pencils in it. I have some nice Prismacolor pencils. I read reviews from other people that got this bible that said the markers and highlighters they got showed through on the other side. They said they didn't bleed through and leave marks on the page underneath but you could definitely see it intruding on the image on the back of that page. I'd rather play it safe because I'm sure I'll have this forever now.

There are several illustrations throughout like this and some are in the really light gray text meant to be drawn over and then colored in. Other pages just have lines for note taking or for drawing your own word art. I'm not very good at word art so I'll just be coloring the images printed on the pages and using the lined sections for actual notes (unless I get inspired!) I've seen some very impressive artwork people have done in these and I wish I was so creative. Many people even draw right over the text covering both pages so the words can be read through the artwork. It might make those pages hard to read but this is a creative journaling bible and they have another bible for study. The idea is that the artwork is inspired by the passage.

I also got another Titanic book because I have an obsession.  I got A Night To Remember by Walter Lord. This book is hardback and looks brand new. I still can't believe I got such a nice book on paperbackswap.com. That site is for swapping used paperback books but you can also find hardback books. They are just valued the same as a paperback. That site works by giving you credits for books you send out to people. You pay the postage to send the book and then you get a credit which can be used to request a book you want. The sender always pays the postage. So it is more beneficial to send lighter books but the books are either sent by media mail or first class if it is light enough. They have a nice system where you can print out a label on printer paper plus an extra page with information about the transaction and you then use both those pages to wrap the book. I use their printable postage which adds a barcode to the shipping label so I can just stick it in my mailbox and avoid the long lines at the post office. I wrap my books in plastic wrap before wrapping in the paper to protect from snow and rain and also use packaging tape to protect the edges and corners.

Okay, I'm going to go try to find a place on a shelf for my new books.

D

Is there such a thing as happy pain?

Yes!

I am laying down right now with ice on both feet and shoulders.  Trying to rest.

I've been in so much pain for so long now.  The pain keeps me from being able to do anything.  I can't lose weight because it hurts so bad to exercise.  Over the years it's only gotten worse.  Then in early January this year I found a new doctor.  I just felt that he was going to be able to help me some how. I think maybe because he seemed like he wanted to.  He seemed to care.  Maybe he is a younger doctor who isn't burnt out yet.  My last doctor knew I had fibromyalgia so she just said every problem I had was that and she didn't try to figure it out or if it could be something else that is treatable.  I had horrible pain in my left shoulder that was also starting to affect the left side of my neck.  It was so bad I didn't want to move.  Exercise made it worse.  The new doctor examined my shoulder and referred me to a doctor that does myofascial release therapy.

I went to the first appointment feeling a little apprehensive.  They told me it really hurts but that it would probably help in the long run.  It did really hurt.  I almost passed out the first time.  I had some bruising on my shoulder where they worked and was told to ice it and drink a lot of water.  It took longer than I expected to heal but when it did my shoulder was so much better - amazingly better. They worked on my neck pain and it was gone before I left the office.  They said that was a triggerband and I also had many triggerpoints.  The triggerpoints are herniated fascia so there is an opening and some tissue is pushing through and getting strangulated.  That is what is causing the pain.  The triggerbands, from what I understand, are a twisted muscle.  I went back today and they worked on more areas.  The doctor had a student with her and I really liked him.  He was answering my questions.  Some doctors don't want to answer my questions or give really vague answers meant to appease someone who they think can't understand.  I like to look things up on the internet afterwards and learn more about what they are doing so I want some real answers.

This time I told them about the pain in my feet.  I have been having pain in my feet for so long.  It hurts to walk or stand for very long.  I want to get out when I can and exercise so I can lose weight. During the summer I want to walk but last summer it just hurt too much.  Every step I took was painful.  I noticed the pain got worse with each consecutive day that I walked until I just couldn't do it anymore.  None of the doctor's I'd seen knew what was wrong.  The Rheumatologist x-rayed my feet and hands but didn't see anything.  Other doctors said it was probably planter fasciitis and that exercise and stretches would help it.  I already knew exercise did not help it and the stretches did nothing.  Plus, I looked it up on the internet and the pain from that is usually on the bottom of the feet or the back of the heal.  My pain is on the top and outer sides of my feet.  These new doctors worked over my feet and they knew exactly what I was talking about.  I could tell before I left that they had already helped.  Now I just have to wait for the soreness to go away to see how much it really helped. I am very optimistic.

I am laying here looking at the sunshine streaming through my window and thinking about summer. It is spring and the snow is melting.  I can't wait to see green grass and flowers in my yard.

This year is the first time in many years that I've been excited about summer.

-D

Bit by the garden bug

I've been dreaming of summer and gardening since February.  I have been watching youtube videos on gardening and dreaming of what I'm going to plant this summer.  Last summer was very nasty and rainy the entire season so I never planted the seeds I got.  When it is raining my fibromyalgia flairs up and I usually can't get out of bed.  I found the seeds I bought last year and I started some sage and some sunflowers.  I also spouted some apple seeds and some lemons from store bought fruit. Yesterday I had an avocado and you know I planted that sucker too.

I was looking at seed catalogs but I wasn't finding what I was looking for.  We have a very short season here in central Alaska.  I read online about Siberian tomatoes that are more hardy and only take 48 days but they weren't in the catalogs.  I found some on ebay last night and ordered some.

This year my goal is to try to plant less so I can focus on those things and maybe be able to handle the garden myself.  I want to plant peas and beans (which are pretty easy I think) and tomatoes, some loose leaf mixed lettuce and maybe carrots.  I've never had luck with carrots so I'd like to try again.

I also want to add some new things to my perennial garden.  My whole front yard is all perennials so even though I wasn't able to do anything in my garden last summer the flowers in front took care of themselves and looked great.  The lilies are amazing.

oh I just can't wait.

Building Bridges

This is what I do.

When I think of all the things I want to do I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a giant ravine and what I want to do is on the other side.

It can be very depressing if you let it.

I've changed my thinking though.  It hasn't been that long since I got this inspiration.  I can change the way I do things, break things down into smaller projects or tasks and in the process I build a bridge to the other side and accomplish my goal.

The sun is shining and I am loving it so I'm slowly cleaning my house one wall, one window, one square of carpet at a time.  I used to chose a room or two to clean each day but now I know my limitations.  I think of what would make the biggest impact for me at the moment and do that.  When the sun was streaming in the window the other day I cleaned the window and put plants over there. That was the most I could do that day but it made a huge difference.  The next day I took it easy and rested. I have to recharge but I had one of my boys here so he helped.  I just had him move some things for me and take some bags of donations outside to be picked up.  He also cleaned up the entry way for me.

Today I'm vacuuming a little, dusting and running the vacuum because it has a hepa filter built in.

My living room looks great now so I am ready to move on to the kitchen/dining room area next.

I've been thinking about gardening a  lot lately too.  It seems warmer than usual right now and the sun is melting the snow.  The branches of the large spruce trees are full of snow that is slowly melting and dripping water.  From where I sit on the couch, looking through the trees, it looks like it is raining.  We usually have spring thaw in April and March is usually really sunny but still cold.  I think this is going to be a good year.  

I'm starting to plan how I will plant my garden outside.  My husband is going to get some wire fencing for me.  In the front yard we only put a decorative rail fence around the right side and planted grass in there since the neighbors on the left had something encroaching on our property.  That got moved before they sold it but the new neighbors don't seem to realize that half of what they thinks is their driveway is our yard.  I want to define that corner better and put up some wire fencing that I can plant vining plants up like sweet peas and scarlet runner beans.  I love how that looks.  I could also plants some other things over there but it is a bit of a slope.  The property is gradually sloped down towards the road and on the sides to allow water to run away from the house so I shouldn't really change that.  It could still be fixed up to look nicer.

I would also like to plant some sunflowers.  I'm going to look online to find a good variety to grow here with our short season.  I'll also look for tomato, beans, peas and lettuce.  There are so many things I'd like to plant but I really need to just pick a few things and focus on taking care of those.  I don't want to get in over my head.  My husband can't always help since he has to work.  My boys can help but they are usually not very willing helpers when it comes to yardwork.

We didn't even use our backyard last year since it rained so much so I'm anxious to get back there and clean up.  My boys mowed it but the trimming didn't get done like it should have.  My shrubs need to be cleaned up and pruned.  I want to set up an area for composting. I've watched Ray on the Praxxus55712 channel make compost and he makes it look like something I could do.  I even got a tub to try composting in the garage.  I got one of those tubs with the two hinged lids that meet in the middle so that lets some air get in there.  I put plant clippings in there and veggie scraps from the kitchen.  Oh, and coffee grounds.  My oldest son goes through a LOT of coffee.  I just can't wait to get out there.  Can you tell I'm chomping at the bit??

Spring Fever

The sun was out and shining beautifully today.  It is March in Fairbanks, Alaska so we will still have snow for a while.  I have definitely been bitten by the spring cleaning bug.  I decided I wanted to have more clear space in the living room so I had the boys haul off the old coffee table and an end table.  That really opened up some space and it looks nice.  There was another piece of furniture that we used to have below the front window but we moved it at Christmas time to put the tree there. Now I don't want it to come back.