Lots of Rain and Pain

Currently Reading

I haven't been feeling so hot so for several days I've been unable to do much.  I've been trying to read a book but just keep reading the same lines over and over.  I'm in a reading group on paperbackswap.com where we pick a book that has been on our TBR list the longest and get it read.  I chose At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon.  I really have no idea why it has taken me so long to read it.  I was having such a hard time focusing that I tried listening to the audiobook but I keep spacing out.  When that happens I just have to quit trying and get some rest or I just stare into outer space for a while and gather some wool. 

I did manage to sneak out to get my hair done but I nearly slept through it.  My appointment was at 4:15 pm but I was still sleeping when my husband came home at 4 pm.  He woke me up and I quickly jumped up and got dressed.  I splashed water on my face and did the minimum required things and ran out the door... went back to get my glasses and then was off.  I sat there and zoned out while my hair stylist made me look beautiful.  She has special powers and always makes me feel better by the time I leave her presence. 

I am hoping it will stop raining soon.  Well, it isn't raining all the time and we have been having some beautiful sunshiny days but if it rains in the afternoon or evening my Fibromyalgia and/or Psoriatic Arthritis flares up.  Even if it doesn't rain right where I live but is raining in the distance I will flare up.  My muscles in my left shoulder get real tight and painful and I got this area that feels like a tight, knotted up muscle behind my shoulder blade where I can't reach.  I have to take a muscle relaxer which puts me to sleep for most of the day and that helps but then it rains again and it comes right back.  I just keep listening to Boxcar Willie singing You are my Sunshine and hoping for nothing but sunshine.  That's one of my all time favorite songs. 

~DJ

Smoke and Fire

Alaska is on fire.  I am in Fairbanks so we are okay but there are fires around us and we are getting smoked out.  I was feeling really bad yesterday and couldn't get to sleep because I was so achy.  I couldn't find any way to lay where I could get comfortable.  I had body aches all over.  I finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6 pm the next day.  Wow, that's so late.  I slept all day.  I feel like I've been run over by something.  It turns out that it has been raining and that is what triggered a Fibromyalgia flare up.  You know, I'm okay with that.  Alaska needs the rain right now.  I really hope it helps the firefighters get further in their efforts.  Hopefully there wasn't lightening to cause more fires.  Everything is so dry and we haven't been getting enough rain thoroughly wet everything. 

I'm not sure what I can do today.  I can't even think clearly and certainly can't concentrate to read.  I've been knitting though and the baby blanket I'm knitting isn't a complicated pattern so maybe I can continue working on that.  I hope so.  Here is a dark picture of the blanket I'm knitting.  It's more blue than it looks and that was about half way finished.  Now I'm working on another row of whales.  The pattern is called "Arthur" and it easy to work.  I'm also going to make a stuffed whale toy to go with it. 

This next week I am supposed to go to Anchorage for a doctor appointment.  My husband planned to drive us.  I am worried about whether the way will be clear or not.  I heard yesterday that Anderson was given evacuation ready status 2 and a nearby neighborhood is being evacuated because of a growing fire.  That is along the parks highway which is the way to Anchorage.  I know there will be smoke but I hope it isn't too much for me to breath or for us to see. 

I wonder how the animals fair that are in the smoke.  I'm not talking about the fire but just the thick smoke that is hard to breath.  I know I haven't seen any moose this year.  I've had to stay indoors several days with the house all shut up and an air purifier running.  My doctor gave me an inhaler to help and if I step outside I have to use it.  I found a dead rabbit in my yard and it doesn't appear to have anything wrong with it.  They are actually domestic rabbits that someone set loose some years ago.  They have been spreading and seem to do okay in the winter.  I enjoy seeing them in my yard since I'm allergic to them and can't actually have one as a pet.  I did have rabbits when I was a kid so I really miss that.  Here is what they look like.  I had one that was really friendly and kept coming up to my front step looking for food.  I was putting out carrots for him.  I named him Charlie but then several others of different sizes started coming and I lost track of which one was Charlie.  Now I call them all Charlie.  Some I call Big Charlie, one is fat Charlie, and one little guy born this year is little Charlie.  It was so sad to see the one that died and it could have been the one in the picture.  It was that size. 

I wonder if someone put out poison.  I know some people in the neighborhood don't like them and try to run them off or kill them. A few were caught and taken to the pound.  I wanted to try that but I'm too allergic to them.  I hope those did okay and they were able to tame them.  I am pretty sure some people shoot them.  I don't know how you could poison a rabbit but that really worries me because then a dog could get it and get poisoned too.  At least I know my dog won't get one.  I keep my dog with me and he doesn't run around loose.  Knock on wood, he's never gotten loose yet anyway. 

I guess the rabbit could have had some sort of disease and in that case I sure hope he didn't share it with the others.  I would miss seeing them.  I love seeing them laying around outside.  The stretch out real long on the asphalt, sometimes right in the middle of the road. I haven't seen any hit my cars though because they are quick to move when cars come. 

Take care everyone and be safe if you are in the path of the storm (Louisiana).  Prayers for you. 

Donna

Thrift store finds and Fibromyalgia attacks

Last Saturday I was feeling pretty good and wanted to go do something.  We picked up my mother in law and went out to eat.  It was so hot I didn't feel like eating much.  We went by the used book store briefly but I didn't see anything I needed in the books.  I just like going just in case they happen to have something I'm looking for or some kind of cool surprise I didn't expect.  I just bought this one cross stitch pattern I found.  We went by Value Village and I am very happy with my find there.  I found over 60 cross stitch magazines and got them all.  Only one of them was a duplicate with what I already had.  Not too bad.  I also found an unopened package of perforated paper and a cross stitch kit that I've been wanting for a long time.  I thought I bought that kit once but later discovered it was actually a needlepoint kit that is very similar.  I bought that before I knew anything about cross stitch.  Since then I've been thinking about buying but I have been waiting for a sale.  I was very happy to find the kit for $13 and even more happy that it was unopened.  I also found a large skein of vintage macrame cord in a warm brown color in new condition.  I'm not sure if I'll use it to try out some macrame design or if I'll just make another crocheted rug like the rug on my front porch.  I used a round doily pattern and I love it.  I get a lot of comments on that rug too.  

After the thrift store my mother in law was tired so we took her home.  I started sorting the magazines and putting them in order.  Around 6 pm I suddenly felt like all my steam was gone.  It was like a curtain fell and I didn't have the energy to put anything away.  I just had to lie down.  I slept hard and didn't wake up till 10 am the next morning.  That is Fibro for you.  You never know when you are going to run out of energy.  Sometimes when I have a flare up I end up in a lot of pain from head to toe so I don't mind just crashing out instead.  

I was eager to start that cross stitch and I've been working on it for a few days now.  It's a design called Butterfly Profusion by Dimensions.  I'm loving it so far.  

I've also been reading again, which is nice.  I just finished The Chase by Clive Cussler, which I have already read twice at least.  It had been a long time so I wanted to read it again.  I love that book.  Now I'm reading Fire and Fog by Dianne Day and just started The 5th Horeseman by James Patterson.  I think it is ironic that all 3 books just happened to be set (at least in part) in San Francisco.  The Chase and Fire and Fog both involve the San Francisco earthquake.  Ironic I think.  

Donna

It's Christmas morning...

and I don't know why I feel sad and empty.  It's almost 2 am and I'm still awake. 

I think part of my problems is....  feeling so useless. 

My husband's family always opened presents on Christmas eve for some reason so we did that too.  When the kid's were little they opened the presents from us and then in the morning they got the presents from Santa.  Anyway, our little family opened presents on tonight (Monday night) and it just made me miss my little boys.  I miss my babies and kissing their fuzzy little heads.  I miss my toddlers and how they were so sweet in completely different ways.  I really miss those 4 year olds... that was my favorite age for them both.  Most of all, I miss being needed.  I miss being missed. 

My baby will be turning 22 on Jan 19th and I often feel like our roles have reversed.  He picks up the house, cooks, and tells me to put away my books....  and I whine and say I'm too tired.  I am always so tired and so achy it hurts to move.  I am always forgetting everything.  Maybe it's the fibro-fog, maybe it's all the medications they have me on, or maybe I'm just getting old but I am always forgetting.  Oh well, at least I'm still alive and I've got my family to remind me when I forget. 

I am really hoping that the Keto diet will eventually help lower my inflammation levels and I'll start to feel better.  I've been having a lot of pain lately.  I have been trying to do at least 15 minutes on my treadmill every day but sometimes I just can't stand up for more than a minute or so.  I always try though.  Some days the walking helps but some days I just can't do it.  So far it seems I can't do more than 15 minutes but if I rest a while I can sometimes do another 15 minutes.  I just have to break it up.  I have to be careful not to try to do too much or go too fast or I won't be able to get out of bed the next day.  That treadmill is definitely the best present I could have gotten for my birthday though.  I'm glad I asked for it. 

It is almost the end of December now and I have have lost 15 pounds since Nov 1st.  I am going to keep working at it through the next year and see how far I can get.  I'm right at the edge of being able to go down a size.  My 2x clothes are big but I'm waiting before buying anything.  I still have a few XL tops that I want to get into before doing that.  I also have some size 16 jeans.  The leggings I have should fit okay for a while too.  I really just want to wait for spring and summer to buy new clothes because I hate the dark, gloomy colors they have out right now.  I don't want to wear black and gray.  I want to wear colors and flowers! 

Okay, I really need to try to get some sleep so I don't sleep all day tomorrow. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Day!

DJ

A happy November

In October my sister told me about the Keto diet.  She and her husband had been doing it and they had both lost a lot of weight.  I was feeling really bad right then so I told her I'd look into it but I was very skeptical.  Then I heard my brother was doing it to and had lost 70 lbs!  My sister said it was supposed to help reduce inflammation and thought it might be able to help me.  I'm always so skeptical about these things.  People are mostly out to make money and profit off of people who are suffering.  After I talked to my sister I kept hearing more about it and did some googling.  I finally found a site that outlined what you can and can't eat.  While you can't eat bread, sugar, fruits etc you can have fatty stuff like meat and bacon.  I like veggies so that's not a problem.  Once I realized I could eat food I liked I decided to give it a try.  I started on November 1st.  Now it is the last day of November and I have lost 12 lbs!  I've lost 1.2 % body fat and my lean muscle mass has increased by 16.3%.  I've lost 4.5 inches off my waist. I even lost 1.25 inches from my neck!  I still have a long way to go so I really hope I have the will power.  Thanksgiving and my birthday sure were hard.  

For Thanksgiving I had planned out some yummy stuff for me to eat but it was still hard seeing the pies and corn on the cob etc.  I love corn!  Then my husband went to a poker party and we ended up with one of those assortments of cheese cake in our fridge.  OMG!  I was so so close to just wolfing one of those down.  I even had it in my hand but then I looked at the label and knew how bad it would set me back.  I put it away and put something in front of it to block it.  I've been bribing my kids to eat it.

Earlier in the month, I decided I wanted a new hair do to go with my new me.  My gray was starting to show at the roots and my cut had grown out.  My bangs were past my ear.  I saw a music video and liked the highlights the woman had.  I looked through lots of pictures before I finally decided on what I wanted.  It wasn't really like any of the pictures so I ended up explaining it to my stylist, who is amazing, and she did a perfect job.  I'm allergic to PPD (p-phenylenediamine) so I have to be careful with hair color.  I had her just clean up my ends a little and kept my hair long with no bangs.  It feels really good to have a new hairstyle.  The color looks darker in this picture but there is gold and a warmer brown blended in with my normal color.  The gold doesn't show up in that picture for some reason.  

My birthday was Tuesday the 27th.  My husband bought ordered me a treadmill so I could walk during the winter when it's too cold and slick.  It arrived on the 28th so I've only had it a few days.  It's a nice one that folds up easily and lowers itself when you push this bar with your foot.  That's great because I hate having to rely on other people to do things for me.  Right now it is in my kitchen so we still have to find a better spot for it.  I think I'm going to move it over by out front window so I can look out the window while I walk.  

Anyway, I've had a good month.  I've still had some flare ups when it snows or the atmospheric pressure drops but for the most part I'm feeling better.  I didn't have a single IBS flare up this month which is crazy since they told me it was caused by eating fat.  I was avoiding fats and oils for a long time but still getting really sick about once a week.  I didn't even think about that when I started the Keto diet where you decrease your carbs and increase the FAT!  Sometimes my colon would start spasming on the right side and it was like watching a baby move in a pregnant woman's belly.  That also didn't happen this month.  One person thinks it could be that I'm not eating wheat anymore but I can't really be sure.  Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm doing better.  

DJ

Back with Babbles

I know this will be a huge surprise but I have decided to get back to writing here.  I thought I would keep an actual paper journal this year but it doesn't seem to be happening.  I do have a cute blank book that I bought at Joann's that is cut in the shape of a letter D.  I decided to use that as a journal and use colored fine tipped sharpies to add quick journals and doodles.  I planned to add something daily but as it turns out I have too many days where I feel bad and don't get out of bed.  I never like to write about feeling bad because that's too depressing.  When I feel bad I want to think about positive things to keep my spirit up.  Sometimes that is very hard so I just listen to music in bed and rest and I don't journal.  I have been working at keeping my mind blank and stopping the constant chatter in my head.  I just listen to music and try to relax.  Sometimes I read a quote and try to focus on that.  That is why I sometimes only write a quote in my journal with no notes about it.  It is really hard to write about anything when I'm in a lot of pain.  It is even hard to talk when in pain.  Many people don't understand how difficult it is to just form sentences when in a lot of pain.  You have to think about what you are going to say too and thinking is totally out when pain is to the roof.  That is why I don't want to talk or text or anything when I feel bad.  I just want to zone out.  

Anyway, I have found that it is easier to let my thoughts flow freely here.  I am going to work at writing here more often.  Sometimes I do fall to the negative and type out of bunch of stuff and then just delete it.  It does help to get that out of my system but then deleting it is freeing.

I was just thinking that I am so glad that I can fall hopelessly in love with anything I want to and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it.  It is like how you can fall hopelessly in love with someone famous, like Brad Pitt, and it doesn't matter.  It isn't like he is going to care or even take notice.  He has no choice in the matter actually.  Not that I like Brad Pitt but his name was the first to come to mind.  I'm actually hopelessly in love with my husband and it is really amazing how I can keep falling more and more in love with him.  He is constantly surprising me and becoming more and more loving and sweet with age.  I am so blessed.  

So, currently, I am hopelessly in love with beading.  I can't think about anything else.  I love to play around with them and often spend hours tinkering with beads, putting different ones together to see how they would look and then trying a different combination.  Sometimes I never end up making anything with them but I enjoyed the play.  I have been posting pictures of things I have made on Instagram.  

I have a stack of beading books and I am just getting started learning what I can do.  I decided to start with a book called Beading Basics by Carol Rodgers.  This is definitely a book for totally new beginners.  It has instructions for the most basic aspects of beading so someone who has already been beading would find it useless.  I also found that the page teaching peyote is not even correct or complete so I learned that online.  I did learn a lot from it about the various beads and findings, bead looming and various bead weaving stitches but I usually end up looking up the various things mentioned to learn more about them than was in the book.  I have been learning a lot from Beadaholique.com.  They have a lot of great videos showing how to use the products they sell and project tutorials and beading tips etc.  Their videos are on youtube so you can look up their channel and subscribe to be alerted when more are added.  I am working my way through the projects in the book Beading Basics now.  I have to say, this is the book I started with because I had it already on my shelf but I am sure it is not the best beginning beading book out there.  I have been frustrated several times because of information I didn't find, like the size of beads in some places and mistakes in others.  I really think, before someone writes a book like this, they should sit down with a group of people wanting to learn beading, teach them, and take note of their questions for the book.  One thing I wondered that I had a difficult time finding the answer to was how beads were measured.  I know beads are measured using a caliper which you close down over the bead and it measures the bead or the hole etc.  What I wanted to know was, in a pattern that says to use a certain size bead, do they measure from top to bottom (hole to hole) or the other direction?  This is important if the bead is not round or square. The first pattern in this book was for a single strand necklace and it specified which beads to get.  The problem was I really didn't like it (because I'm not 80 yet) and wanted to use different beads.  Since the pattern did not say the actual finished length of the necklace I wanted to find beads I liked that would be the same size so when I followed the pattern it should work out.  I did not find the answer to this online by searching but I found a beading forum on facebook and asked the question there.  I was told the beads were measured top to bottom, hole to hole.  This is the type of question that might seem obvious to people who already bead but not to someone completely new to it.  

My necklace, and the matching earrings for which I did not follow the pattern in the book, turned out nice and more my style.  

I'm not sure if I will still be so hooked on beading as the weather gets warmer and the snow clears.  I am really itching to get outside and walk again.  Right now it is actually nice enough but the ground is very slick.  I have a hard time just walking to my mailbox without falling so I'm waiting for the snow and ice to melt.  I can't wait to see the first peaks and green and flowers.  My youngest son has been taking Buddy the beagle for walks though since it is warm enough for him.  He loves to run so it is difficult for me to control him.  I certainly couldn't do that and keep from falling so I'm so glad he is taking him.  

Later gaters, 

Super sick

I haven´t posted in a long time and that is because I´ve been super sick and in really bad pain for most of the summer.  I try not to dwell on it but it really gets difficult.  I went to my Rheumatologist in June and I was in horrible pain then.  He got my lab results about a month before that and they showed my liver enzymes were elevated.  He decreased my dose of Methotrexate and after a month they were almost back to normal.  The problem is my pain was higher than ever.  He decided to start me on Humira injections but it took forever to get that going and be able to start taking it.  I hate needles and my husband has to do it for me.  They did start helping but the very same day I noticed a decrease in my pain I got sick.  My whole family got this horrible stomach Flu. It was one of those bugs that just doesn´t want to go away.  I ended up getting sinusitis and then a really bad sinus infection.  The first round of antibiotics didn´t work and it got even worse.  The doctor was really surprised when he looked.  He started me on a different antibiotic for 2 weeks and it is sloooowwwly improving or more like shrinking.  I think the sinusitis is improving faster.  It is nice to be able to breath through my nose again.

Anyway, because I have an infection I have to completely stop taking my immunosuppressant drugs that help with my pain.  Now I am in so much pain I can hardly walk.  I´ve been spending a lot of time in bed and reading when I can.  I can´t wait until this infection is gone and I can start taking my meds again.  I´m really grateful for a friend who recommended lidocane pain patches.  I don´t do the shopping anymore so I didn´t even know they existed.  One of my husband´s coworkers told him about Tiger Balm and he saw they had patches too.  I can only use one lidocane patch at a time so I currently have a lidocane patch on one hip and a tiger Balm patch on the other.  I actually think the Tiger balm patch side feels better.  Thank goodness my shoulders are not hurting so bad today or I´d be covered in patches.

I just keep thinking of that line kids used to write when they signed my yearbooks - Keep on Keeping on.  That is what I´m doing.

I'm so tired I can't sleep

I was tired a long time ago but I just can't get comfortable because my back is hurting.  I think I did too much.  My RLS (restless leg syndrome) is making me crazy too and I already took my medicine for it.  ugh.

Anyway, I am really happy though. My baby will be 20 on the 19th. I just can't believe he's so old (and I'm so much older). His birthday always sneaks up on me since it is so soon after Christmas but I always want to make sure he doesn't get cheated because of that. I just got him a bunch of clothes for Christmas so I was quizzing him out to try to figure out what to get him for his birthday. He is not very picky and doesn't care that much about details (which really drives me nuts). If he needs pants or a shirt he just says that's what he needs and doesn't care about the color or style as long as it isn't crazy. He doesn't want bright colors or designs he said. He just says what he doesn't want but never exactly what he does want. He finally said he would like a couple polo shirts like his dad wears to work because he is trying to get a job. He wants to make sure he has things he can wear at work even though he has no idea where it will be at or what they will require.

I do know that he needs a new cell phone though.  He has my old iphone 4 and the speakers are messed up so people calling can't hear him. He really likes music and likes using itunes. I talked to my husband and he just bought him an iphone 7 for his birthday. It will probably be a little bit late but my son will be so surprised. I can't wait to see his face when he gets it.

He is such a good kid and always jumps up to help me when I am in pain. So many times I've woken up and staggered out of my room in so much pain and he jumps into action to help. He grabs my medicine and gets me a glass of water and takes care of whatever else needs to be done. Our beagle puppy sees me and gets all excited and starts whining and jumping up and down in his pin. My son takes care of him and gets him settled down. I appreciate him so much and I'm so glad that he can have something like this that I know he really wants. He also things it is too much and doesn't expect more than whichever phone is free or at the most a refurbished older model iphone. I love that boy.

Okay, I'm going to try to lay down again and maybe try to read a few lines if possible.

Meaning of blog name

Currently reading: Medals in the Attic (Annie's Attic Mysteries #2)

I just realized that not everyone will understand the meaning of my blog name so I thought I'd explain. I took medical terminology so I learned a lot about how to break down a word to learn what it means. I have Fibromyalgia and it has really changed the way I live so of course it is going to be mentioned a lot in my blog. If you break down the word Fibro/my/algia the "Fibro" means fibrous tissues like tendons (connective tissue). "My" or myo means muscles and "algia" means pain. So then Fibromyalgia is pain in muscles and connective tissues.

My blog name is a play on that. I enjoy crocheting and knitting and often use those hobbies to distract myself from my pain. Mainly I resort to crochet since I've been doing that since I was a kid and it is something I don't have to think about. It is a great therapy for me.  Thus you have Fiber (yarn) plus Algia (pain) = my life.

I do mention the things I make on this blog but I have another craft blog where I post more craft related posts. That blog is called Creative Aspirations. I know that some people don't like to read my crafty posts because they don't crochet or knit. I haven't posted there for a while because I've been more into reading lately.

This blog has the two tabs at the top to show what I'm currently reading and the books I've read for the year.

Okay, Buddy the beagle is trying to dig a hole in the kitchen floor so I better go let him outside for a while.  I hope everyone is warm!

Welcome to a new year

Currently reading: L is for Lawless by Sue Grafton

I am hopeful for this new year and ready for the blessings it can bring. Every year I choose a word and phase to focus on and this year I've chosen "Move" and "Get up and move!" I print up images to put in places around the house to remind me. This year I really want to focus on pushing myself to move more because I really need to lose weight. It is so hard to exercise when just regular movement hurts but I have to do it or I will keep gaining and not losing. I have been trying to lose weight for years and only managed to hold steady, however, a new drug I started taking causes weight gain and I found myself losing the fight. I started to gain even though I've been careful about what I eat and how much. That medicine is actually working so I am pushing myself to move more and build up muscle that I've lost. I started this week and I feel the muscle soreness plus the extra pain from the Fibromyalgia but it isn't the worst pain I've had. Getting the inflammation under control has helped the worst of the pain and I have more energy and want to clean up. I found myself wanting to do some super early spring cleaning and started yesterday on my kitchen. I'm feeling ambitious but know I have to hold myself back and take breaks so I don't over do it.

I looked back at my reading goal from last year and the books I read and I'm happy to say I did meet my goal. I did play it a bit safe since I know how frustrating it is when I can't focus to read because of bad pain or fibrofog. I set my goal at 24 books with the stipulation that half had to leave the house to make room on my shelves. I actually read 31 although a few of those were children's books or other short books. I am upping the challenge a bit this year by setting my goal at 40 with needing to be books I already have and those books have to go.  I am also choosing to read more historical fiction this year. I have only read a few and I really liked them.  I think it will be good to broaden my reading horizon. I also really want to finish reading the Sue Grafton Alphabet series. I have all but 2 of those. I also want to start over again reading the Blossom Street Series by Debbie Macomber.  That is one of my favorite series and I noticed that there were more books in the series that I never read. I've been acquiring those though Paperbackswap.com and I am anxious to reread my old favorites and see what the other books are like. I'm not big on romance so I hope the newer once don't get too far into that territory.

My little Buddy is getting big and seems to be close to full grown though he still looks like a puppy in the face. I love him so much. He is not at all like my old friend Blue that I lost who was a sweet mellow lady. Buddy is hyper and loves to play. He loves everyone and doesn't bark at everything like Blue did. He is really quite and the only times we've heard him bark or yip are rare, only one bark each time and he seems startled by his own voice. Everyone in the house stops to play with him every day and my youngest son spends the most time with him. Buddy loves him so much and looks for him every day. Yesterday my son wasn't feeling well and slept in late and Buddy actually moped about watching his door or laying by it. He was so happy when he finally came out. It is so sweet to see how much Buddy loves Riley but he loves everyone else too and squeals with joy when anyone comes in the door and loves to see new people too. He's brings us so much joy and that is good since our hearts still hurt missing our old friend Blue. I know I think of her a lot and miss her presence.

The year is almost over

Maybe everyone will stop dying once the calendar changes to 2017. I know if I were famous I'd be to scared to sleep.

We had a good Christmas here although I didn't take ANY pictures. The boys are grown now so Christmas isn't so exciting. We were pretty laid back. We ended up celebrating on Christmas eve since my husband's brother and his wife were going to come over then. My sister in law ended up not showing but my brother in law did. I had my schedule turned up-side-down again since I had a few days where I was sleeping all day. I started cooking in the evening and stayed up all night. I made a couple of pies and a bunch of cookies and planned out when to start cooking the other stuff.  I figured I'd get stuff started and take a nap while someone else took over. Problem was no one did. When I finally laid down I was dog tired and then I couldn't sleep because I was worried I wouldn't hear the timer go off. I finally got a few hours of sleep and then got up and enjoyed the company and a movie. Buddy was a ball of energy and loved the attention he got.

You know, it is really hard to pick out gifts for my boys now that they are grown. They are 19 and 21 but have birthday's coming up soon..... which of course means I'll have to go through this again. My oldest is working now and if he needs something he just gets it. He is currently manning the gas station but it is part of a retail store so on his break he buys stuff he needs. My youngest doesn't have a job right now but he has money in his account still so that pretty much applies to him too. They are into computer stuff and I just don't know enough about that stuff. It was so much easier when they were little and I could buy something with flashing lights and buttons that make noise.

We had a small Christmas this year because my husband's job is kinda rocky right now so we didn't want to go too crazy and then him lose his job. I've always told my boys Christmas isn't about being greedy.  It is about the joy of giving not receiving. Even when they were little we would give them money to buy a small gift for the other people in the family. You don't have to spend a lot to find a meaningful gift. I mainly got them things they needed so they could spend their money on what they wanted.

Well, the doctors always tell me I have to make sure and get enough sleep because the Fibromyalgia flares up if I don't. I ended up sleeping most of Christmas day and the next day. I'm still trying to get my schedule turned around so I can be awake during the day. I was in a lot of pain but then I read that we are expecting a big storm here this week. They said we are going to be getting a lot of snow and wind and usually that causes power lines to go down. I'm pretty sure that is what is causing me to hurt. It started snowing during the night. I'll probably feel better once that is over and passed us.

I'm feeling better today

I had a rough day yesterday with this new pain on my outer left thigh and couldn't focus enough to read or even follow a TV show.  This is why I love the internet and I can try to figure out what is wrong myself if possible.  I know a lot of doctors don't like that but if I can help myself than I just don't care.  I looked up all the causes of thigh pain and then went to images.  I clicked on the graphics that showed where the pain was located and then went to read the info on that site. I read and eliminated some other causes and the decided it was probably something called Meralgia paresthetica.  I read that one of the causes is being overweight and that is certainly true for me.  I know I need to lose weight and I'm currently on a diet.  Anyway, I also read that one of the treatments is Gabapentin and I have that. I only take it right before going to bed because it makes me fall to sleep.  I took it and it did work!  I was actually able to watch a full TV show before falling asleep and I woke up feeling great this morning around 5 am.  Lyrica is also used to treat it.  Today I found a website that has some stretches that help so I'm going to start doing those and continue to diet and lose weight.

It also helps that I've found some support in an online group called MyFibroTeam. I am so glad I took the time to check it out because it really helps to talk to someone that really understands what you are dealing with. People who don't have fibromyalgia may try to understand but they usually don't really get it and say things that can be hurtful even if they don't mean to. I'm so grateful for my fibro team of friends who are so ready and willing to rally behind me when I need them.

I plan on making the best of the day while I am feeling better without pushing myself too far and causing a flare up. I want to clean in the fridge and I'll make sure and have my son pull out the drawers for me and put them back. I also have a simple cross stitch kit I want to work on. I enjoy working on cross stitch during the holidays for some reason. I only started doing it last year when I did a few Christmas kits. I bought some more larger projects to work on but I was more interested in knitting and crochet until now.

The kit I'm working on is a simple chalk board look design so it is white stitches on black fabric and it says "share joy" and has a butterfly and some scroll designs. It is a 4x6" design that comes with a pretty white frame. It is a kit by Design Works and I got it for a great price on ebay. I am going to make this for my newest sister in law who's name is JOY!  I thought it would be funny to have that in her office where it can have a double meaning. Share joy with everyone you meet but also please be patient and share this lady because she's really busy. I love it.

Okay, I'm going to go get started on something and not waist my day sitting on the couch parked on the computer.  I hope everyone has a good day and if you have pain of any kind I pray you find relief.
DJ.

Ups and downs

I'm still waiting for the ups but I'm sure they are coming.

I had a very bad flare up about a week ago when we had snow one day and then it rained the next.  I can't even remember what day that was now.  I was in so much pain I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't even read or focus on anything.  It was bad.  Well, usually I just have to wait it out and when the flare up is over I start to feel better.  This time that didn't happen.  I kept having pain all over in my joins and also migraine headaches.  The last headache may not have been a true migraine and it just wouldn't let up.  I had that one for 3 days straight with no relief from meds.  I finally talked to my Rheumatologist and he prescribed some new meds - a steroid to get things under control and then a med that is used for RA (methotrexate) along with a folic acid supplement.

I started them yesterday.  I started the steroid pack first and after half a day my headache faded away to nothing.  I am so so glad.  I'm still really achy all over but so relieved to be headache free.  I really hope this new drug helps and that I don't have any bad side effects from it.

I really want to read or knit but I just can't.  I also don't have the patience I need to spend with my 6 month old beagle puppy.  We have a fence thing that makes a circle to keep him in that is in the living room.  I have been trying to let him out more and opening the fence to make a wall to block off areas I don't want him to go.  He gets very hyper at times and he wants to chew on everything but he has to learn.  It just takes a lot of energy because he is always getting into things or chewing on something he shouldn't.  I got him a bed and I've been trying to teach him to go lay down on his bed like my other beagle did.  She understood when I said that and would go lay down. I just can't do it right now though.  I don't have the patience and get too frustrated.  He really is like a toddler who gets out of control and fussy when he's tired and fights sleep.  Sometime I just have to stick him in his crate to get him to take a nap when he's like that.  I would just rather he learn to lay down on his bed or anywhere and take a nap.

Today Buddy will have play in his "cage."  The temperature has obviously dropped outside and I can feel the chill in the house.  I am still waiting for the house to warm up.  I think I am going to stay in my pajamas today and lounge in bed under the covers and hope for my brain to come back so I can at least read some.

Color Trends

I know there are color trends for every year and season etc but have you ever noticed your own color trends? For me they just happen and it takes me a while to notice. It usually starts with me seeing something in a store in a different color than I usually get and I have to get it.... then I keep seeing that color everywhere, in earrings, necklaces, jewelry, even deodorant bottles and want it. Sometimes it gets so silly that I realize I don't even really need the thing but I'm just attracted by the color and so I make myself put it back. The kicker is usually when I look at my nail polish and realize I have several bottles of the same or similar color.

Last year I started liking lavender and this year it gradually changed to darker purple. Everything I own now has turned purple. I even put purple highlights in my hair. Well, now I'm starting to add teal. I've been looking all over for a certain nail polish I used on my anniversary when I got my nails done. It is a fine lavender glitter polish by China Glaze in color "Don't Mesh With Me." I live in a small town and I wasn't finding it. I wasn't feeling well though so I hadn't been to some stores. I finally went to Ulta and found it. The thing is I picked up several other colors too and that is when I realized there was a definite color tend happening in the Teal direction.

When I'm in a lot of pain I like to paint my nails if I can. It helps me to feel better about myself and helps my mood. That is how I rationalize getting this many nail polishes.... I'm also tossing some others that are old so you know the saying, "out with the old, gotta get some new." I'm sure that's the way it goes.

The one I was looking for is on the bottom row, second from the left. The light wasn't so good when I took this picture. The two neutrals on the bottom look really off. The one all the way to the right, bottom row is Dope Taupe by China Glaze and the next one over is Steel Waters Run Deep.  I really like them both but they look gross in this picture.

I can't wait to try layering the purple glitter on of some different colors, especially that blue one! That one is an oldie but a goodie - though that bottle is new.  It's OPI in Blue My Mind.

I think it is kinda funny that the project that I'm knitting now is also purple, teal and gray.  The blue color is actually teal but the camera refuses to show it correctly.  It is definitely more greenish-blue.

So I'm sitting here covered with 3 large ice packs in various hurtful places and I'm going to paint my sad little nails. I broke a few so they are all very short now. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Beautiful pain

How can something so beautiful cause so much pain?

I look outside and I see the most beautiful fall colored carpet surrounding the trees. It is almost as if the trees are dancers dressed for a autumnal ball in golden, russet, amber and scarlet gowns flowing in gleaming satin circles around them. The men, standing straight and tall in their evergreen suits and matching pocket squares, guiding them around the room in elegant patterns. Then, as if the scene wasn't glorious enough, large flakes of snow catch the light as it ever-so-slowly drifts to the ground like feathers from angel's wings.  Can you see it too?

I woke up in the most pain I've had in a long time. After the snow melted it started to rain and that is when my pain shot through the roof. The doctor's would ask me what number I'd give it on a scale of 1-10. The numbers all start to blur together at some point and I can't even think straight to think about it. I do know though, that it is the most beautiful pain. Who knew, changing weather could do that?

I've been trying to do things this week but I can't. I can't think. I can't read. I can't do any of the things I like to do. It is so strange for me to go a whole week without cracking open a book or 3. I also have a knitting project I'm anxious to work on but it is a challenging one and I'm so afraid to mess it up. I started to watch this week's episodes of The Voice on Hulu but I couldn't focus on it. I keep spacing out so I decided to watch it later. Now I'm watching some old episodes of Bones, which I love.

The days of this week have all gotten muddled together and I have spent a lot of time sleeping or snuggled deep in a pile of blankets. Music helps. Sometimes I like slow, sad music and other times I need angry, rock music.

I'm just glad that this will pass and the pain will decrease to more tolerable levels again. Then, I'll be back to "I CAN" and I will.

Slow day

Today is a very slow day.  I have been sleeping in later and later since it rained on Monday.  My fibromyalgia always flares up when it rains or when the pressure changes drastically. It rained the entire day and night and it is still wet outside today (Wed).  My back started to hurt last night and I'm not sure if I pulled something or if it is my kidneys. I'm drinking a lot of water just in case and just sitting with my back firmly supported and trying not to move. Because of that I've been doing a lot of reading lately which is something I enjoy.

Right now I am reading a book on Spirituality.  It is called The Unbound Soul by Richard L. Haight. I am really enjoying this book and I know it will be one I will go back to a lot. I've highlighted several passages and bookmarked pages. I believe in God but I have had many bad experiences with churches and pastors etc. Essentially, I lost my faith in people but not in God. It took me a long time to get it into my head that people are fallible and no matter what they preach they can still make mistakes. I have also been intrigued by different religions and how many of them overlap in some beliefs or ideals. I never felt comfortable when a religion/church organization instructs people to go out and convert people to their faith. I really am not completely sure myself which faith/belief system is completely 100% correct. What if I'm the one who is wrong?

I went to get my nails done this one time at a new salon that was having a grand opening. As I talked to the Asian man doing my nails I learned that his girlfriend had recently died of cancer. He was deeply spiritual and I could feel it. When he spoke of her his face glowed. I could literally feel his pain and his love as he spoke. He told me she was there "walking around us." He was so sure of that and he said he could feel her presence. I was thinking to myself, "how could anyone tell this man that his beliefs were wrong?" I certainly wasn't going to. I found myself wanting what he had, even with his grief. He had something powerful that was keeping him going - keeping him living through sadness and difficulty.

Anyway, in this book Richard Haight tells several stories about his spiritual experiences and they truly are amazing. I am usually very skeptical of people with stories like these but that is because they come with palm extended for money. I found myself not finding that usual skepticism bubbling to the surface but faith.  I really think this book is full of promise and the more I read the more hope I have. With any book like this, when I come to parts or stories I'm unsure of, I just set them on a back burner and keep going. I don't put them completely out of mind because I want to keep an open mind. I am marking parts that really draw me so I can go back and study them more and put the ideas into action. I have never tried meditation but I've heard of other people that do. I just never knew how to go about it. This book describes the process of what he calls Observation Meditation. I'm going to work on putting this into practice and see what happens. It can't hurt - and certainly not more than I already do with my fibromyaglia pain.  Who knows, maybe this can help with that.

Richard Haight has recently joined the goodreads.com community as a goodreads author. I was very glad to see that. He also has a website; http://richardhaight.net/

Rainy Day

I've been so achy today and didn't get out of bed till late.  I did drag myself up though (with the help of my friend Excedrin Extra Strength) and I'm working on a crochet project while Buddy is busy with a rawhide bone.  Buddy the Beagle Baby doesn't like to go out to go to the bathroom when it's wet out so I've been cleaning up accidents today.  He does have good days though and he let me know he needed to go outside once for the previous 2 days in a row.  I'm pretty sure he is teething now so there are bound to be accidents during that time.  I guess it is a good thing he is so cute!  My main goal is keeping him away from my crochet project which has a lot of work into it.

Anyway, I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow.  I'm planning to cook some salmon that my son and his friend got in Valdez, Alaska.  I'm going to try this recipe for Asian Salmon in Foil.

There is a perfect time for everything

Buddy is 3 months old now and managed to survive a shot and micro-chipping. 

The vet also gave us some great advice on training a puppy.  

Currently Reading: The Wake-Up Call of the Wild

I remember, a long time ago at the Tanana Valley Fair, I was walking though the big building with all the art and poetry exhibits and booths for everything imaginable.  I was mostly saying, "No thanks.......sorry, not interested" (not interested in filling out a slip for a drawing so you can call me and pester me about buying what you sell later).  Anyway, I walked by this table where a "nice" looking woman sat with some books.  I always stop when I see books.  One of the books said something about chocolate on the back so I decided to get that one.  The woman was the author, Nita Nettleton, and she was this instantly likable person that somehow felt more REAL than most people. I chatted with her a bit and then she signed my book.  She spelled out my full name and then wrote "I hope you enjoy this story - (never strand yourself without enough chocolate!) and then signed it and left her email address.  hmmmm I wonder if it is still a good email for her.  This book isn't that long but I've found myself savoring it.... just like I used to do with life-savers when I was a kid and chocolate now that I'm older.  I read a section and then I like to stop and think about it for a bit, imagining myself in her place.

This is a book about a woman that wakes up bruised and battered with a bandage around her head at a remote cabin in Alaska.  She doesn't remember anything, not her name or how she came to be out in the middle of Nowhere, Alaska.  But, she does find an unlikely friend in a young female badger and realizes she likes being there and spending time with her own thoughts.  

I can't tell you more than that because I'm still reading.  I'll probably be done with it tomorrow.

I've been feeling better since sometime yesterday.  I made myself a hair appointment for yesterday

afternoon and really hoped I would feel better by then.  I just had a two week long horrible fibro flare up that left me so tired I couldn't get out of bed most of the time.  I had decided to lose a ton of hair weight if I could get my butt out of bed to get there.  It has been WAY too hot for long, thick hair. I looked through tons of pictures and printed out a handful of similar cuts but wasn't totally feeling any of them. I decided to show them all to my stylist and let her work her magic.  I've also been wanting to get some highlights in my hair in this electric purple color that reminds me of the innards of a blueberry.  I just needed to make sure my husband didn't freak about the cost of it so I only scheduled for a haircut.  On the way I mentioned the color to him and after I was sitting in the chair he texted me a "go ahead" message.  I was surprised when she said she could do it AND she looked totally thrilled to do it too.  I guess she doesn't get to use that color much.

It was so liberating to watch the chunks of hair fall to the floor.  This other lady came up and was sitting close to me waiting her turn for a haircut while the stylist was painting my head purple. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her. I talk to everyone though so that was okay.  I was just startled when she suddenly said my name.  I realized it was a friend of ours and I just hadn't seen her in a long time.  I haven't seen anyone in a long time unless they live with me actually. Well, she usually has really short hair so seeing her with shoulder length hair was really strange and I'm sure that is why I couldn't place her.  It was really good to talk to other people for a change and it was so fun getting my hair done. Since I was sitting there for quite a while steeping in purple I talked to everyone who came in for a haircut.  It was a good day for me.

I was really tired today (Wednesday) so I took a nice long nap but so far not having bad pain.  I'm so glad since I really needed a break from that for a while.  I really enjoyed reading outside in my chair parked in the sunshine this afternoon while Buddy played in the shade.  It is such a beautiful summer day!  I just love the days when I can get out and enjoy the beauty of my world and warmth of the sunshine.  Life is good and I'm loving my Buddy Boy!

Buddy sleeping by me on the couch

Is there such a thing as happy pain?

Yes!

I am laying down right now with ice on both feet and shoulders.  Trying to rest.

I've been in so much pain for so long now.  The pain keeps me from being able to do anything.  I can't lose weight because it hurts so bad to exercise.  Over the years it's only gotten worse.  Then in early January this year I found a new doctor.  I just felt that he was going to be able to help me some how. I think maybe because he seemed like he wanted to.  He seemed to care.  Maybe he is a younger doctor who isn't burnt out yet.  My last doctor knew I had fibromyalgia so she just said every problem I had was that and she didn't try to figure it out or if it could be something else that is treatable.  I had horrible pain in my left shoulder that was also starting to affect the left side of my neck.  It was so bad I didn't want to move.  Exercise made it worse.  The new doctor examined my shoulder and referred me to a doctor that does myofascial release therapy.

I went to the first appointment feeling a little apprehensive.  They told me it really hurts but that it would probably help in the long run.  It did really hurt.  I almost passed out the first time.  I had some bruising on my shoulder where they worked and was told to ice it and drink a lot of water.  It took longer than I expected to heal but when it did my shoulder was so much better - amazingly better. They worked on my neck pain and it was gone before I left the office.  They said that was a triggerband and I also had many triggerpoints.  The triggerpoints are herniated fascia so there is an opening and some tissue is pushing through and getting strangulated.  That is what is causing the pain.  The triggerbands, from what I understand, are a twisted muscle.  I went back today and they worked on more areas.  The doctor had a student with her and I really liked him.  He was answering my questions.  Some doctors don't want to answer my questions or give really vague answers meant to appease someone who they think can't understand.  I like to look things up on the internet afterwards and learn more about what they are doing so I want some real answers.

This time I told them about the pain in my feet.  I have been having pain in my feet for so long.  It hurts to walk or stand for very long.  I want to get out when I can and exercise so I can lose weight. During the summer I want to walk but last summer it just hurt too much.  Every step I took was painful.  I noticed the pain got worse with each consecutive day that I walked until I just couldn't do it anymore.  None of the doctor's I'd seen knew what was wrong.  The Rheumatologist x-rayed my feet and hands but didn't see anything.  Other doctors said it was probably planter fasciitis and that exercise and stretches would help it.  I already knew exercise did not help it and the stretches did nothing.  Plus, I looked it up on the internet and the pain from that is usually on the bottom of the feet or the back of the heal.  My pain is on the top and outer sides of my feet.  These new doctors worked over my feet and they knew exactly what I was talking about.  I could tell before I left that they had already helped.  Now I just have to wait for the soreness to go away to see how much it really helped. I am very optimistic.

I am laying here looking at the sunshine streaming through my window and thinking about summer. It is spring and the snow is melting.  I can't wait to see green grass and flowers in my yard.

This year is the first time in many years that I've been excited about summer.

-D

Happy 2016!

I just killed all the dust bunnies on this blog and shined it up so I can start posting again.  Okay, I don't kill things, not even dust bunnies.  I just set them free in the wild.

So last year was a bit rough on me even though I had some good things happen as far as my health.  I started seeing a new Rheumatologist in Jan and he's helped me some.  Then just recently I got a new primary doctor and he's already helped me too.  Now if I can just stay awake I might be able to live a little more like normal.  It seems that all drugs that help me make me sleep forever.  Now I'm like a vampire who never sees the daylight.  Hmmm, maybe it would be cool to have a cape.

I'm hoping 2016 will be a better year for me as I get a better balance with the drugs.  I want to be able to get more exercise and lose weight.  Pain makes it so hard to exercise.  I started a program in September I think it was and I lost 8 lbs but I had so much trouble with pain and sleeping so much.  I really want to do better, exercise more, keep eating healthy food and build back some of the muscle that I've lost.

In 2015 I read 44 books.  I'd been having such a hard time focusing that I barely read any books.  In 2014 I only managed to read 5.  On Goodreads.com I set my reading goal for 2015 at 12 books (which is pretty sad but much better than 5)  Then in January 2015 the Rheumatologist I saw in Anchorage put me on a drug called Plaquenil to bring down inflammation.  That helped a lot with my pain but I had to start at a really low dose and slowly build up to the dose I needed because it really made me feel drugged.  I totally understand the meaning of the word psychedelic now.  Anyway, around March I suddenly felt like reading and for a while I didn't do anything else.  I was rarely on the computer or facebook and didn't crochet or knit anything (which is very strange for me).  For Christmas my husband bought me a book light I wanted that is rechargeable.  That is something I put to use that same night and it is the best gift ever.

So this year I set my reading goal at 24.  That is low but I'm hoping to be outside more this summer. I have a new bike and want to use it.

I started a new hobby at the end of the year too.  I started cross stitching.  I was always buying little kits to try but never got far with them.  Sadly, I have a few kits that I started and ended up losing the pattern or other things to them.  When I started pulling out Christmas decorations I found a few ornament kits and actually made them and finished them and even hung them on my tree!  It was not even hard since I read the instructions.  Now I'm addicted.  My husband even bought me a few kits since the ones I had where mostly Christmas kits.  One of my doctors told me I needed to sit in a straight back chair instead of the couch because a muscle in my back was really tight so I started sitting at the kitchen table and cross stitching.  Now my back is fine.  I actually enjoy sitting at the table to work on cross stitching, especially when the sun is shining in the window.

Well, that's enough for now.

Here's too good health in the new year!