Getting back to blogging

It seems like so much has happened since I posted here.  I was kept pretty busy taking care of my elderly beagle Blue who was going down hill fast.  I loved her so much and had her so long that it was so hard to lose her.  I knew the time was coming but just hoped it wouldn't some how.  She was my shadow, always at my feet.  When I realized the time had come all I could do was go to my husband and cry and cry.  He knew.  He took care of everything for me because he knew I couldn't do THAT.  I still step over shadows in the hall thinking it is her laying there like she used to.  

This is a picture of her last attempted walk.  She didn't really walk much though.  She seemed lost and just stood there and stared out into space.  I let her over to the park where the spruce trees are.  She always loved sniffing and following the trails of the squirrels but she must have forgotten about them. 

She squatted to pee and there was blood in it because of the cancer.  It always bled when she had an infection and she got a lot of them.  This time though, the antibiotics didn't help her to feel better and didn't stop the bleeding.  I also had medicine to help shrink the tumor and keep down the inflammation but it wasn't helping anymore.  Going back to the house she couldn't remember how to go up the steps to get to the door.  She just stood there looking at the door and cried.  I had to carry her up.  

I knew the time was coming faster than I wanted it to.  

She started to cry one night after that and I gave her extra medicine and it only helped a little.  She was still very uncomfortable and I knew she was suffering. My husband called his brother and he came to visit with Blue.  Then, he drove my husband and my youngest son to the vet to let her go.  I stayed home and just cried.  I was so so hard watching them drive away.  I wanted so bad to make them stop and take her back but I knew that wasn't the best thing for her.  That is what I selfishly wanted - I wanted to keep my friend forever.  So I let her go.  

For several days after that I dreamed about her and then when I woke up I would think I needed to get up and take care of her.  Then as I remembered I would just lay there and cry.  My husband would put his arm around me. He is a really good man.  He bought me a new beagle puppy and even though he can't replace my Blue girl he does bring up my spirits.  He makes me smile when it was impossible before.  

This is Buddy.  That is the name he came with and it just seemed to suit him so we kept it.  He is so sweet and he loves the toy fox we got him with squeakers in both ends.  When he gets tired he will grab his fox and jump up on the couch beside me to go to sleep like in the picture.  Most of the pictures I have are of him sleeping because otherwise they come out blurry since he is always in motion.  

I am working on house-training him and teaching him not to bite us or our clothes.  We just took him for his first vet visit and our vet told us a lot of helpful information.  I'm also reading a lot online.  So far he is pretty good at sitting and sorta understands "lay down" but usually needs prompting at first.  

Below is a picture of Buddy with the bone I crocheted for him.  (You can find the pattern I used here.)

Okay, I'll post more later but for now I really should be sleeping while the baby is sleeping.  

-Donna

p.s. comments let me know people actually read what I write.  I'd love a few of those <3

Is there such a thing as happy pain?

Yes!

I am laying down right now with ice on both feet and shoulders.  Trying to rest.

I've been in so much pain for so long now.  The pain keeps me from being able to do anything.  I can't lose weight because it hurts so bad to exercise.  Over the years it's only gotten worse.  Then in early January this year I found a new doctor.  I just felt that he was going to be able to help me some how. I think maybe because he seemed like he wanted to.  He seemed to care.  Maybe he is a younger doctor who isn't burnt out yet.  My last doctor knew I had fibromyalgia so she just said every problem I had was that and she didn't try to figure it out or if it could be something else that is treatable.  I had horrible pain in my left shoulder that was also starting to affect the left side of my neck.  It was so bad I didn't want to move.  Exercise made it worse.  The new doctor examined my shoulder and referred me to a doctor that does myofascial release therapy.

I went to the first appointment feeling a little apprehensive.  They told me it really hurts but that it would probably help in the long run.  It did really hurt.  I almost passed out the first time.  I had some bruising on my shoulder where they worked and was told to ice it and drink a lot of water.  It took longer than I expected to heal but when it did my shoulder was so much better - amazingly better. They worked on my neck pain and it was gone before I left the office.  They said that was a triggerband and I also had many triggerpoints.  The triggerpoints are herniated fascia so there is an opening and some tissue is pushing through and getting strangulated.  That is what is causing the pain.  The triggerbands, from what I understand, are a twisted muscle.  I went back today and they worked on more areas.  The doctor had a student with her and I really liked him.  He was answering my questions.  Some doctors don't want to answer my questions or give really vague answers meant to appease someone who they think can't understand.  I like to look things up on the internet afterwards and learn more about what they are doing so I want some real answers.

This time I told them about the pain in my feet.  I have been having pain in my feet for so long.  It hurts to walk or stand for very long.  I want to get out when I can and exercise so I can lose weight. During the summer I want to walk but last summer it just hurt too much.  Every step I took was painful.  I noticed the pain got worse with each consecutive day that I walked until I just couldn't do it anymore.  None of the doctor's I'd seen knew what was wrong.  The Rheumatologist x-rayed my feet and hands but didn't see anything.  Other doctors said it was probably planter fasciitis and that exercise and stretches would help it.  I already knew exercise did not help it and the stretches did nothing.  Plus, I looked it up on the internet and the pain from that is usually on the bottom of the feet or the back of the heal.  My pain is on the top and outer sides of my feet.  These new doctors worked over my feet and they knew exactly what I was talking about.  I could tell before I left that they had already helped.  Now I just have to wait for the soreness to go away to see how much it really helped. I am very optimistic.

I am laying here looking at the sunshine streaming through my window and thinking about summer. It is spring and the snow is melting.  I can't wait to see green grass and flowers in my yard.

This year is the first time in many years that I've been excited about summer.

-D

Yo no hablo español.

But I'm going to learn!

I've been interested in the Spanish language since I was really young.  I remember learning some words like "agua" and how to count to 10 in Spanish on Sesame Street and wishing they would teach more Spanish on each show.  I've always looked at the Spanish words on store products and tried to learn which word meant what by comparing them to the English words.  I've been learning some Spanish words using free apps and the internet but now I'm going to take a free class from MIT.  It is an older class that they have made available for free for home study.  There are several classes available. Here is a link for anyone interested.  I went to a private school that used a self-study based curriculum so I'm used to learning from books.  My husband actually found out about the free classes they offered and shared it with me thinking I would like to take some history classes.  I didn't learn a lot of things in school that kids in public schools learn. Just from reading books I've learned things that I found really interesting and when I tell my husband or my boys about them they are not surprised because they learned that in school.  Mostly it is history and geography that I missed.  I also want to learn more about politics but I know that was a subject that I was reluctant to learn when I was in school so I can't be sure just how much they did teach (when I wasn't ready to learn) and how much I really missed out on learning.  I will definitely take advantage of this opportunity and take as many classes as I can.

I found the text books online on Amazon.com and I can't wait to get them.  I bought a used copy to save money.  These textbooks are from 2002 but they are still expensive to me.  The textbook for the class I'm taking comes with a CD when it is new. Most people must have lost their CD since the used copies all seem to be missing them.  I did find out that the audio and video files are available online for free and also I could get them at my local library.  My library just doesn't have the book for some reason. There is also a study guide that is needed which has the assignments in it and a Spanish/English dictionary. I found a Spanish/English dictionary website that I'll be using.  So it is only going to end up costing me around $62 total counting shipping.  That's not bad.

The apps I've found most useful are duolingo and Mimrise.  These also have websites so you don't have to have a smartphone to use them.

I can't wait to get my books!

-D

Dear Life,

This is me, trying to get back to you.

I've been so out of it for so long and I'd like to feel normal again, or even just a little bit.  The long Alaskan winter has been hard for me but the sun has been shining more and more.  I've been opening the curtains and watching my plants green up and reach for the sun.

I didn't start any seeds this year.  I was just too tired and fighting some crud that kept coming back. I'll probably buy my plants this year.  I'll take it easy though and not take on too much so I can hopefully keep up with the watering better.

The last few weeks I've been so so tired.  I just have no energy at all.  I've been taking vitamins, especially vitamin D and trying to eat healthy even when I'm too tired to make something.  I need to get back to exercising again.  I stopped when I was sick.  I think I'm going to start doing 10 minutes each day on the stationary bike and then slowly increase so I don't over do it.  I know 10 minutes seems like nothing but it is a mountain when you feel like I do.

I haven't even been reading lately.  I want to but I just can't get into anything.  I even have some new books I got from Paperbackswap.com.  I love that site!  Jared also gave me a book he wants me to read.  He remembered a fantasy book I read that I liked and he is sure I'll like this one too.  It is Inkheart.  So I really should read that one first since he really wants to know what I think of it.

My mother in law sent me an adult coloring book for my birthday and I just started using it.  I got some crayola colored pencils and markers because I didn't want to use up my Prismacolor pencils in coloring books and then have nothing to draw with.  The crayola pencils are nice too.  I found that I enjoy coloring more than I expected and it is making me want to play with different colors.  I am so thinking of drawing some more.  I haven't done any real art is so long.

Oh and I'm crocheting a pretty baby dress for someone cute and it is taking me forever.  I'm close to done though and then I want to make some baby shoes to go with it and add something to make the dress just a little unique.

Okay, time to get up and move around.

D.

Knitting

I go through these phases where I only want to do a certain thing.  I've been into crocheting for a long time and just wasn't interested in doing anything else.  I know how to knit and have a nice set of interchangeable knitting needles but I just couldn't get into it.  Then this last year I couldn't get into anything at all.  I didn't do anything with yarn except start something and then never go back to it.  I guess my thing last year was reading and whenever I was awake that was what I did.  I did pick up cross stitching at the end of the year and I definitely caught the bug but right now I don't really feel like doing that.  All of a sudden I'm interested in knitting again.  I wonder what causes this switching of interests like that.

It has been some years since I've knit anything now and I'm out of practice.  My knitting isn't very even so I'm been practicing a lot just making swatches.  My knitting isn't as even as it used to be.  Of course I want to tackle something difficult right away (because that's how I am).  I want to knit something with two colors.  It is a beautiful afghan made of about 35 blocks.  It's called the Nordic Afghan by (Mr.) Jody Long Knits.  It is beautiful in the red/white theme they made it in but I really want to make it in royal blue and white.  I've been watching youtube videos to learn helpful things and just practicing changing colors and trying to keep the tension even.  It is not so easy.  I did get half of the first block done and it was neat to see how my colors would look but I took it out because it wasn't very even.  I need to practice more and then try it again.

I've decided to try something a little easier to get some practice in.  There is a new pattern out by Lionbrand.com called the Deerfield V-neck Pullover.  I have some yarn I recently bought because I really love it so I'm going to use it to make this pullover.  Instead of the fuzzy yarn they used I'll use Caron's simply soft Party in Silver sparkle.  It isn't fuzzy at all and I think it will be cooler.  It is a light gray and has metallic strands in light pink, blue and gold I think.  Maybe silver too.  It is hard to tell in this light.

I do have a cold though and I've been making extra mistakes but that's okay.  It gives me something to focus on.  I'm still trying to get used to the new drug the doctor put me on and I've been so tired. I'm trying so hard to stay awake right now.  I might be losing the battle but I'll keep fighting as long as I can.

D

Happy 2016!

I just killed all the dust bunnies on this blog and shined it up so I can start posting again.  Okay, I don't kill things, not even dust bunnies.  I just set them free in the wild.

So last year was a bit rough on me even though I had some good things happen as far as my health.  I started seeing a new Rheumatologist in Jan and he's helped me some.  Then just recently I got a new primary doctor and he's already helped me too.  Now if I can just stay awake I might be able to live a little more like normal.  It seems that all drugs that help me make me sleep forever.  Now I'm like a vampire who never sees the daylight.  Hmmm, maybe it would be cool to have a cape.

I'm hoping 2016 will be a better year for me as I get a better balance with the drugs.  I want to be able to get more exercise and lose weight.  Pain makes it so hard to exercise.  I started a program in September I think it was and I lost 8 lbs but I had so much trouble with pain and sleeping so much.  I really want to do better, exercise more, keep eating healthy food and build back some of the muscle that I've lost.

In 2015 I read 44 books.  I'd been having such a hard time focusing that I barely read any books.  In 2014 I only managed to read 5.  On Goodreads.com I set my reading goal for 2015 at 12 books (which is pretty sad but much better than 5)  Then in January 2015 the Rheumatologist I saw in Anchorage put me on a drug called Plaquenil to bring down inflammation.  That helped a lot with my pain but I had to start at a really low dose and slowly build up to the dose I needed because it really made me feel drugged.  I totally understand the meaning of the word psychedelic now.  Anyway, around March I suddenly felt like reading and for a while I didn't do anything else.  I was rarely on the computer or facebook and didn't crochet or knit anything (which is very strange for me).  For Christmas my husband bought me a book light I wanted that is rechargeable.  That is something I put to use that same night and it is the best gift ever.

So this year I set my reading goal at 24.  That is low but I'm hoping to be outside more this summer. I have a new bike and want to use it.

I started a new hobby at the end of the year too.  I started cross stitching.  I was always buying little kits to try but never got far with them.  Sadly, I have a few kits that I started and ended up losing the pattern or other things to them.  When I started pulling out Christmas decorations I found a few ornament kits and actually made them and finished them and even hung them on my tree!  It was not even hard since I read the instructions.  Now I'm addicted.  My husband even bought me a few kits since the ones I had where mostly Christmas kits.  One of my doctors told me I needed to sit in a straight back chair instead of the couch because a muscle in my back was really tight so I started sitting at the kitchen table and cross stitching.  Now my back is fine.  I actually enjoy sitting at the table to work on cross stitching, especially when the sun is shining in the window.

Well, that's enough for now.

Here's too good health in the new year!

Long time no post

I know I haven't been posting and I'm not sure why.  I just haven't though of it.  I haven't been watching Bones either so haven't been looking up music from the show.  If I were I'm sure I would have been posting about that.  I haven't been watching any TV shows really.  I'm just not into it.

I've been keeping myself busy reading this year.  Ever since I saw the Rheumatologist in Jan and started taking Plaquenil I started feeling better and sleeping more.  Sometime in March I started to feel more clear-headed and decided to read a book.  Usually I can't focus on anything and keep reading the same line over and over.  Anyway, I started reading and never stopped.  I've read 38 books so far and have stacks more ready to go. 

Even though I had big plans for my garden this summer I had too many days where I was in pain or so fatigued I couldn't get out of bed so my garden was a fail.  I did enjoy my perennial flower beds though.  I started a bunch of flowers from seed and then I set them outside to start hardening them off and then fell asleep for a long time.  I ended up being stuck in bed for 3 days or so and just couldn't move my body.  I think it was a reaction to the new drug.  I had to cut back on it and increase slowly. Several of my seedlings died so that was a bummer.  I did enjoy the ones I got planted though.  I love the bright blue Royal Ensign Morning Glories.  I was just bummed that they are not the climbing variety.  I always plant morning glories of some type in a planter at the front of my porch and there is some lattis for them to climb up on.  I just had to loop the vines in the lattice here and there and I missed those curly tendrils.  I also planted some deep purple carnations and actually got one to bloom.  It was a really strange summer that was unusually hot and dry for the first half.  We had some nasty fires so even though the weather was nice we stayed inside to keep out of the smoke.  Then it started raining and didn't stop...  making up for lost time I guess.  My lilies didn't do as well this year. I had a lot less blooms than usual and my bleeding heart barely bloomed at all.  I hope next year is better.  

I've been busy keeping up with my freshwater fish tank too.  I bought 5 painted variatus platies and didn't expect them to have billions of babies.  Now I have to figure what to do with them all.  My fish tank is getting too full.  I guess I'll have to take some to the fish store for adoption although it is so hard to part with the cute little guys.  They said they love to take the babies.  Hopefully I can get there there without them freezing.  It's cold.  brrr.