Ups and downs

I'm still waiting for the ups but I'm sure they are coming.

I had a very bad flare up about a week ago when we had snow one day and then it rained the next.  I can't even remember what day that was now.  I was in so much pain I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't even read or focus on anything.  It was bad.  Well, usually I just have to wait it out and when the flare up is over I start to feel better.  This time that didn't happen.  I kept having pain all over in my joins and also migraine headaches.  The last headache may not have been a true migraine and it just wouldn't let up.  I had that one for 3 days straight with no relief from meds.  I finally talked to my Rheumatologist and he prescribed some new meds - a steroid to get things under control and then a med that is used for RA (methotrexate) along with a folic acid supplement.

I started them yesterday.  I started the steroid pack first and after half a day my headache faded away to nothing.  I am so so glad.  I'm still really achy all over but so relieved to be headache free.  I really hope this new drug helps and that I don't have any bad side effects from it.

I really want to read or knit but I just can't.  I also don't have the patience I need to spend with my 6 month old beagle puppy.  We have a fence thing that makes a circle to keep him in that is in the living room.  I have been trying to let him out more and opening the fence to make a wall to block off areas I don't want him to go.  He gets very hyper at times and he wants to chew on everything but he has to learn.  It just takes a lot of energy because he is always getting into things or chewing on something he shouldn't.  I got him a bed and I've been trying to teach him to go lay down on his bed like my other beagle did.  She understood when I said that and would go lay down. I just can't do it right now though.  I don't have the patience and get too frustrated.  He really is like a toddler who gets out of control and fussy when he's tired and fights sleep.  Sometime I just have to stick him in his crate to get him to take a nap when he's like that.  I would just rather he learn to lay down on his bed or anywhere and take a nap.

Today Buddy will have play in his "cage."  The temperature has obviously dropped outside and I can feel the chill in the house.  I am still waiting for the house to warm up.  I think I am going to stay in my pajamas today and lounge in bed under the covers and hope for my brain to come back so I can at least read some.

Color Trends

I know there are color trends for every year and season etc but have you ever noticed your own color trends? For me they just happen and it takes me a while to notice. It usually starts with me seeing something in a store in a different color than I usually get and I have to get it.... then I keep seeing that color everywhere, in earrings, necklaces, jewelry, even deodorant bottles and want it. Sometimes it gets so silly that I realize I don't even really need the thing but I'm just attracted by the color and so I make myself put it back. The kicker is usually when I look at my nail polish and realize I have several bottles of the same or similar color.

Last year I started liking lavender and this year it gradually changed to darker purple. Everything I own now has turned purple. I even put purple highlights in my hair. Well, now I'm starting to add teal. I've been looking all over for a certain nail polish I used on my anniversary when I got my nails done. It is a fine lavender glitter polish by China Glaze in color "Don't Mesh With Me." I live in a small town and I wasn't finding it. I wasn't feeling well though so I hadn't been to some stores. I finally went to Ulta and found it. The thing is I picked up several other colors too and that is when I realized there was a definite color tend happening in the Teal direction.

When I'm in a lot of pain I like to paint my nails if I can. It helps me to feel better about myself and helps my mood. That is how I rationalize getting this many nail polishes.... I'm also tossing some others that are old so you know the saying, "out with the old, gotta get some new." I'm sure that's the way it goes.

The one I was looking for is on the bottom row, second from the left. The light wasn't so good when I took this picture. The two neutrals on the bottom look really off. The one all the way to the right, bottom row is Dope Taupe by China Glaze and the next one over is Steel Waters Run Deep.  I really like them both but they look gross in this picture.

I can't wait to try layering the purple glitter on of some different colors, especially that blue one! That one is an oldie but a goodie - though that bottle is new.  It's OPI in Blue My Mind.

I think it is kinda funny that the project that I'm knitting now is also purple, teal and gray.  The blue color is actually teal but the camera refuses to show it correctly.  It is definitely more greenish-blue.

So I'm sitting here covered with 3 large ice packs in various hurtful places and I'm going to paint my sad little nails. I broke a few so they are all very short now. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Beautiful pain

How can something so beautiful cause so much pain?

I look outside and I see the most beautiful fall colored carpet surrounding the trees. It is almost as if the trees are dancers dressed for a autumnal ball in golden, russet, amber and scarlet gowns flowing in gleaming satin circles around them. The men, standing straight and tall in their evergreen suits and matching pocket squares, guiding them around the room in elegant patterns. Then, as if the scene wasn't glorious enough, large flakes of snow catch the light as it ever-so-slowly drifts to the ground like feathers from angel's wings.  Can you see it too?

I woke up in the most pain I've had in a long time. After the snow melted it started to rain and that is when my pain shot through the roof. The doctor's would ask me what number I'd give it on a scale of 1-10. The numbers all start to blur together at some point and I can't even think straight to think about it. I do know though, that it is the most beautiful pain. Who knew, changing weather could do that?

I've been trying to do things this week but I can't. I can't think. I can't read. I can't do any of the things I like to do. It is so strange for me to go a whole week without cracking open a book or 3. I also have a knitting project I'm anxious to work on but it is a challenging one and I'm so afraid to mess it up. I started to watch this week's episodes of The Voice on Hulu but I couldn't focus on it. I keep spacing out so I decided to watch it later. Now I'm watching some old episodes of Bones, which I love.

The days of this week have all gotten muddled together and I have spent a lot of time sleeping or snuggled deep in a pile of blankets. Music helps. Sometimes I like slow, sad music and other times I need angry, rock music.

I'm just glad that this will pass and the pain will decrease to more tolerable levels again. Then, I'll be back to "I CAN" and I will.

Day dreamer, night time reader

Currently Reading: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar children by Ransom Riggs

I'm kind of bouncing back from being sick now and my sleeping schedule is completely turned around. I really hate it when that happens. Now I'm trying to correct it but I keep waking up after 4 or 5 pm. How backwards is that? Well, it is kind of nice to have all of that quiet time to myself to read and knit. No one is asking for things or saying "mom?" but then again I don't get to see the sunshine and the beautiful fall colors outside right now.

Meandering Rib Scarf by Lion Brand Yarn

I've been knitting a scarf for my husband and I'm pretty proud of myself since I'm almost finished now. I initially decided to make this scarf for my husband 2 years ago! I was having so much trouble and getting mixed up in the pattern since it was written in such a confusing way (I think).  It is a free pattern so I guess I shouldn't complain. I've seen patterns that say for row # X repeat row A or something like that but this one really does a lot of repeating like that and gets really confusing. Normally I just use a sticky note to keep track of where I am in a pattern but with this one I get to row 9 and it says "repeat row 6" so I need another sticky note to put at row 6. Then I get to Rows 15 and 16 and it says "Repeat rows 11 and 12".... I go to Row 11 and it says "Rep row 4" and then row 12 says repeat row 3. I finally just took the pattern and copied it into a word processor and whenever it said to repeat another row I just pasted in those directions instead. Then I can just move down the list and not have to jump all over the place. Now I am almost finished and I will be so happy when I can give it to my wonderful husband.

I just started reading a new book that my husband bought me. I just saw the preview for the movie coming out at the end of the month and told my husband I'd like to go see it. Later, when we stopped at the store to pick up a few things he picked up this book for me while I was in the restroom. He was being sneaky. He knows I like to read the books before seeing the movies based on them. I haven't gotten far but so far it is interesting and funny.

Also, while I was headed to the restroom I just happened to run into a girl I went to school with. I know that probably happens a lot to people but not to me. I went to a small private school and did not have a very good experience there. Those kids were really mean and I spent most of my time there alone. It was the same for her but she is older and not in the same class I was. Really, if it were just about anyone else I'd probably duck and hide but I was actually happy to see her and we talked a while and exchanged phone numbers. She has a beautiful daughter of about 7 or 8 I think and she was the sweetest girl! I said something to her mom and she said "That is so sweet!" and she gave me a big hug.

Okay, there is one more thing to mention. I have decided to get back into tatting. I taught myself how to tat with a shuttle using the internet and then I was taking an online class to learn how to needle tat. I enjoy it so I really should have kept up with it. I just started having such bad pain from my fibromyalgia and other problems and I tend to only want to crochet when I feel like that. I have been crocheting since I was a kid so I can do that without much thought. If I am really hurting I'll sometimes just start crocheting a swatch and take it out later. It just gives me something else to focus on and usually my stitches are way too tight when I'm in pain. It gets me through it though. Anyway, I am going to go back to using the shuttles and start learning again and hopefully make some pretty things. I think it will be fun. I just happened to find my 3 ring binder I put together for tatting patterns and learning material. I even put a zippered pencil pouch in there (that clips onto the metal rings) to hold my shuttles and current project. I just hope I haven't forgotten what I learned.

Slow day

Today is a very slow day.  I have been sleeping in later and later since it rained on Monday.  My fibromyalgia always flares up when it rains or when the pressure changes drastically. It rained the entire day and night and it is still wet outside today (Wed).  My back started to hurt last night and I'm not sure if I pulled something or if it is my kidneys. I'm drinking a lot of water just in case and just sitting with my back firmly supported and trying not to move. Because of that I've been doing a lot of reading lately which is something I enjoy.

Right now I am reading a book on Spirituality.  It is called The Unbound Soul by Richard L. Haight. I am really enjoying this book and I know it will be one I will go back to a lot. I've highlighted several passages and bookmarked pages. I believe in God but I have had many bad experiences with churches and pastors etc. Essentially, I lost my faith in people but not in God. It took me a long time to get it into my head that people are fallible and no matter what they preach they can still make mistakes. I have also been intrigued by different religions and how many of them overlap in some beliefs or ideals. I never felt comfortable when a religion/church organization instructs people to go out and convert people to their faith. I really am not completely sure myself which faith/belief system is completely 100% correct. What if I'm the one who is wrong?

I went to get my nails done this one time at a new salon that was having a grand opening. As I talked to the Asian man doing my nails I learned that his girlfriend had recently died of cancer. He was deeply spiritual and I could feel it. When he spoke of her his face glowed. I could literally feel his pain and his love as he spoke. He told me she was there "walking around us." He was so sure of that and he said he could feel her presence. I was thinking to myself, "how could anyone tell this man that his beliefs were wrong?" I certainly wasn't going to. I found myself wanting what he had, even with his grief. He had something powerful that was keeping him going - keeping him living through sadness and difficulty.

Anyway, in this book Richard Haight tells several stories about his spiritual experiences and they truly are amazing. I am usually very skeptical of people with stories like these but that is because they come with palm extended for money. I found myself not finding that usual skepticism bubbling to the surface but faith.  I really think this book is full of promise and the more I read the more hope I have. With any book like this, when I come to parts or stories I'm unsure of, I just set them on a back burner and keep going. I don't put them completely out of mind because I want to keep an open mind. I am marking parts that really draw me so I can go back and study them more and put the ideas into action. I have never tried meditation but I've heard of other people that do. I just never knew how to go about it. This book describes the process of what he calls Observation Meditation. I'm going to work on putting this into practice and see what happens. It can't hurt - and certainly not more than I already do with my fibromyaglia pain.  Who knows, maybe this can help with that.

Richard Haight has recently joined the goodreads.com community as a goodreads author. I was very glad to see that. He also has a website; http://richardhaight.net/

Rainy Day

I've been so achy today and didn't get out of bed till late.  I did drag myself up though (with the help of my friend Excedrin Extra Strength) and I'm working on a crochet project while Buddy is busy with a rawhide bone.  Buddy the Beagle Baby doesn't like to go out to go to the bathroom when it's wet out so I've been cleaning up accidents today.  He does have good days though and he let me know he needed to go outside once for the previous 2 days in a row.  I'm pretty sure he is teething now so there are bound to be accidents during that time.  I guess it is a good thing he is so cute!  My main goal is keeping him away from my crochet project which has a lot of work into it.

Anyway, I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow.  I'm planning to cook some salmon that my son and his friend got in Valdez, Alaska.  I'm going to try this recipe for Asian Salmon in Foil.

There is a perfect time for everything

Buddy is 3 months old now and managed to survive a shot and micro-chipping. 

The vet also gave us some great advice on training a puppy.  

Currently Reading: The Wake-Up Call of the Wild

I remember, a long time ago at the Tanana Valley Fair, I was walking though the big building with all the art and poetry exhibits and booths for everything imaginable.  I was mostly saying, "No thanks.......sorry, not interested" (not interested in filling out a slip for a drawing so you can call me and pester me about buying what you sell later).  Anyway, I walked by this table where a "nice" looking woman sat with some books.  I always stop when I see books.  One of the books said something about chocolate on the back so I decided to get that one.  The woman was the author, Nita Nettleton, and she was this instantly likable person that somehow felt more REAL than most people. I chatted with her a bit and then she signed my book.  She spelled out my full name and then wrote "I hope you enjoy this story - (never strand yourself without enough chocolate!) and then signed it and left her email address.  hmmmm I wonder if it is still a good email for her.  This book isn't that long but I've found myself savoring it.... just like I used to do with life-savers when I was a kid and chocolate now that I'm older.  I read a section and then I like to stop and think about it for a bit, imagining myself in her place.

This is a book about a woman that wakes up bruised and battered with a bandage around her head at a remote cabin in Alaska.  She doesn't remember anything, not her name or how she came to be out in the middle of Nowhere, Alaska.  But, she does find an unlikely friend in a young female badger and realizes she likes being there and spending time with her own thoughts.  

I can't tell you more than that because I'm still reading.  I'll probably be done with it tomorrow.

I've been feeling better since sometime yesterday.  I made myself a hair appointment for yesterday

afternoon and really hoped I would feel better by then.  I just had a two week long horrible fibro flare up that left me so tired I couldn't get out of bed most of the time.  I had decided to lose a ton of hair weight if I could get my butt out of bed to get there.  It has been WAY too hot for long, thick hair. I looked through tons of pictures and printed out a handful of similar cuts but wasn't totally feeling any of them. I decided to show them all to my stylist and let her work her magic.  I've also been wanting to get some highlights in my hair in this electric purple color that reminds me of the innards of a blueberry.  I just needed to make sure my husband didn't freak about the cost of it so I only scheduled for a haircut.  On the way I mentioned the color to him and after I was sitting in the chair he texted me a "go ahead" message.  I was surprised when she said she could do it AND she looked totally thrilled to do it too.  I guess she doesn't get to use that color much.

It was so liberating to watch the chunks of hair fall to the floor.  This other lady came up and was sitting close to me waiting her turn for a haircut while the stylist was painting my head purple. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her. I talk to everyone though so that was okay.  I was just startled when she suddenly said my name.  I realized it was a friend of ours and I just hadn't seen her in a long time.  I haven't seen anyone in a long time unless they live with me actually. Well, she usually has really short hair so seeing her with shoulder length hair was really strange and I'm sure that is why I couldn't place her.  It was really good to talk to other people for a change and it was so fun getting my hair done. Since I was sitting there for quite a while steeping in purple I talked to everyone who came in for a haircut.  It was a good day for me.

I was really tired today (Wednesday) so I took a nice long nap but so far not having bad pain.  I'm so glad since I really needed a break from that for a while.  I really enjoyed reading outside in my chair parked in the sunshine this afternoon while Buddy played in the shade.  It is such a beautiful summer day!  I just love the days when I can get out and enjoy the beauty of my world and warmth of the sunshine.  Life is good and I'm loving my Buddy Boy!

Buddy sleeping by me on the couch